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Well, I survived, and that just leaves me with my story,
嗯，我活下来了，那让我跟我的故事并存，
and my story is this:
我的故事是：
In four simple words, I suffer from depression.
简单的四个字，患抑郁症。
I suffer from depression, and for a long time, I think,
我患上抑郁症，在很长时间，我想，
I was living two totally different lives, where one person was always afraid of the other.
我在活着两个完全不同的人生，一个总是害怕别人的人。
I was afraid that people would see me for who I really was,
我害怕人们会看到我真实的样子，
that I wasn't the perfect, popular kid in high school everyone thought I was,
并不是一个每个人都认为我是的样子：高中的风光小孩，我其实并不完美
that beneath my smile, there was struggle, and beneath my light, there was dark,
在我的微笑下面是斗争，在我的光明下面是黑暗，
and beneath my big personality just hid even bigger pain.
在我的人格下藏着更深层次的痛苦。
See, some people might fear girls not liking them back.
比如有些人害怕喜欢的女生不喜欢他。
Some people might fear sharks. Some people might fear death.
有些人可能害怕鲨鱼。有些人可能会害怕死亡。
But for me, for a large part of my life, I feared myself.
但对我来说，我生命中的很大一部分是害怕我自己。
I feared my truth, I feared my honesty, I feared my vulnerability,
我害怕真相，我害怕诚实，我害怕脆弱，
and that fear made me feel like I was forced into a corner,
这种恐惧让我感觉到就像我被被逼迫到一个角落里，
like I was forced into a corner and there was only one way out,
就像我被逼到角落里，只有一个出路，
and so I thought about that way every single day.
于是，我每一天都这样想。
I thought about it every single day, and if I'm being totally honest, standing here
我每一天都这样想，如果我完全诚实的站在这里
I've thought about it again since, because that's the sickness,
我告诉你我有再次想过，因为这就是疾病，
that's the struggle, that's depression, and depression isn't chicken pox.
这就是斗争，那是抑郁，抑郁症不是水痘。
You don't beat it once and it's gone forever.
你不是抗争一次过，它就永远离开了。
It's something you live with. It's something you live in.
它跟你相依为命。它是你生命里的东西。
It's the roommate you can't kick out. It's the voice you can't ignore.
它是你不能踢出去的室友。它是你不能忽视的杂音。
It's the feelings you can't seem to escape,
它是你不能逃脱的情感，
the scariest part is that after a while,
最可怕的是过了一段时间，
you become numb to it. It becomes normal for you,
你变得麻木。它对于你来说已经很正常了，
and what you really fear the most isn't the suffering inside of you.
你真正最害怕的不是你内心的痛苦。
It's the stigma inside of others,
这是在别人眼里的耻辱
it's the shame, it's the embarrassment,
它是耻辱，是尴尬，
it's the disapproving look on a friend's face,
它是朋友脸上不赞成的表情，
it's the whispers in the hallway that you're weak,
它是走廊的低语，轻声说你太懦弱，
it's the comments that you're crazy.
它是你疯了的评语。
That's what keeps you from getting help.
这就是让你得不到帮助的原因。
That's what makes you hold it in and hide it.
这就是让你它控制它和隐藏它的原因。
It's the stigma. So you hold it in and you hide it, and you hold it in and you hide it,
因为这是一种耻辱。所以你控制它和隐藏它，你控制它隐藏它，
and even though it's keeping you in bed every day
即使它让你每一天待在床上
and it's making your life feel empty no matter how much you try and fill it, you hide it,
它让你的人生感到空虚无论你怎样努力地去填补它，你隐藏它，
because the stigma in our society around depression is very real.
因为在我们的社会中有关抑郁症的耻辱感是非常真实的。
It's very real, and if you think that it isn't, ask yourself this:
它很真实，如果你认为它不是，问问你自己：
Would you rather make your next Facebook status
你想让你的下一个Facebook状态是
say you're having a tough time getting out of bed because you hurt your back
说你很难下床因为你背有伤
or you're having a tough time getting out of bed every morning because you're depressed?
还是你很难下床是因为你抑郁？
That's the stigma, because unfortunately,
这是耻辱，因为不幸的是，
we live in a world where if you break your arm, everyone runs over to sign your cast,
我们生活在一个如果你的胳膊伤了，大家都跑过去要在你的石膏上签名，
but if you tell people you're depressed, everyone runs the other way.
但如果你告诉人们你抑郁，每个人跑向了另外一边。
That's the stigma.
而这就是耻辱。
We are so, so, so accepting of any body part breaking down other than our brains.
我们是如此接受任何身体部位受损，除了我们的大脑。
And that's ignorance.
这是一种无知。
That's pure ignorance, and that ignorance has created a world that doesn't understand depression,
纯粹的无知，制造这种无知的是一个不了解抑郁症的世界
that doesn't understand mental health.
不懂心理健康的世界。
And that's ironic to me, because depression is one of the best documented problems we have in the world,
对于我来说这很讽刺，因为抑郁是我们这世界上最有迹可循的问题之一
yet it's one of the least discussed.
然而它是最少被讨论的话题之一。
We just push it aside and put it in a corner
我们只是把它放到一边，放到角落里
and pretend it's not there and hope it'll fix itself.
假装它不存在，并希望它就好了。
Well, it won't. It hasn't, and it's not going to, because that's wishful thinking,
它不会、它没有、也不即将要，因为那只是一厢情愿，
and wishful thinking isn't a game plan, it's procrastination,
一厢情愿不是一个游戏计划，它是拖沓，
and we can't procrastinate on something this important.
而我们不能拖延这么重要的事情。
