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Chapter 14
第十四章
During the journey back to England I thought much of Strickland.
在回伦敦的旅途上，关于思特里克兰德我又想了很多。
I tried to set in order what I had to tell his wife.
我试着把要告诉他妻子的事理出一个头绪来。
It was unsatisfactory, and I could not imagine that she would be content with me; I was not content with myself.
事情办得并不妙，我想象得出，她不会对我感到满意的，我对自己也不满意。
Strickland perplexed me. I could not understand his motives.
思特里克兰德叫我迷惑不解。我不明白他行事的动机。
When I had asked him what first gave him the idea of being a painter, he was unable or unwilling to tell me.
当我问他，他最初为什么想起要学绘画的时候，他没能给我说清楚，也许他根本就不愿意告诉我。
I could make nothing of it.
我一点儿也搞不清楚。
I tried to persuade myself than an obscure feeling of revolt had been gradually coming to a head in his slow mind,
我企图这样解释这件事：在他的迟钝的心灵中逐渐产生了一种朦胧模糊的反叛意识。
but to challenge this was the undoubted fact that he had never shown any impatience with the monotony of his life.
但是，一件不容置疑的事实却驳斥了上述解释：他对自己过去那种单调的生活从来没有流露出什么厌烦不耐啊。
If, seized by an intolerable boredom, he had determined to be a painter merely to break with irksome ties, it would have been comprehensible,
如果他只是无法忍受无聊的生活而决心当一个画家，以图挣脱烦闷的枷锁，这是可以理解的，
and commonplace; but commonplace is precisely what I felt he was not.
也是极其平常的事；但是问题在于，我觉得他绝对不是一个平常的人。
At last, because I was romantic, I devised an explanation which I acknowledged to be far-fetched, but which was the only one that in any way satisfied me.
最后，也许我有些罗曼蒂克，我想象出一个解释来，尽管这个解释有些牵强，却是唯一能使我感到满意的。
It was this: I asked myself whether there was not in his soul some deep-rooted instinct of creation, which the circumstances of his life had obscured,
那就是：我怀疑是否在他的灵魂中深深埋藏着某种创作的欲望，这种欲望尽管为他的生活环境掩盖着，
but which grew relentlessly, as a cancer may grow in the living tissues, till at last it took possession of his whole being and forced him irresistibly to action.
却一直在毫不留情地膨胀壮大，正象肿瘤在有机组织中不断长大一样，直到最后完全把他控制住，逼得他必须采取行动，毫无反抗能力。
The cuckoo lays its egg in the strange bird's nest, and when the young one is hatched it shoulders its foster-brothers out and breaks at last the nest that has sheltered it.
杜鹃把蛋下到别的鸟巢里，当雏鸟孵出以后，就把它的异母兄弟们挤出巢外，最后还要把庇护它的巢窝毁掉。
But how strange it was that the creative instinct should seize upon this dull stockbroker, to his own ruin, perhaps,
但是奇怪的是，这种创作欲竟会抓住了一个头脑有些迟钝的证券经纪人，可能导致他的毁灭，
and to the misfortune of such as were dependent on him;
使那些依靠他生活的人陷入不幸。
and yet no stranger than the way in which the spirit of God has seized men, powerful and rich, pursuing them with stubborn vigilance till at last, conquered,
但是如果同上帝的玄旨妙义有时竟也把人们抓住这一点比起来，倒也不足为奇。这些人有钱有势，可是上帝却极其警觉地对他们紧追不舍，直到最后把他们完全征服，
they have abandoned the joy of the world and the love of women for the painful austerities of the cloister.
这时他们就抛弃掉世俗的欢乐、女人的爱情，甘心到寺院中过着凄苦冷清的生活。
Conversion may come under many shapes, and it may be brought about in many ways.
皈依能以不同的形态出现，也可以通过不同的途径实现。
With some men it needs a cataclysm, as a stone may be broken to fragments by the fury of a torrent;
有一些人通过激变，有如愤怒的激流把石块一下子冲击成齑粉；
but with some it comes gradually, as a stone may be worn away by the ceaseless fall of a drop of water.
另一些人则由于日积月累，好象不断的水滴，迟早要把石块磨穿。
Strickland had the directness of the fanatic and the ferocity of the apostle.
思特里克兰德有着盲信者的直截了当和使徒的狂热不羁。
