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Here are some questions for you:
这里有一些问题要问你：
Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you invite to dinner?
如果让你选择世界上一个人和你共进晚餐，你会邀请谁?
Would you like to be famous?
你想出名吗?
What are you most grateful for?
你最感激什么?
And that's just the beginning.
这仅仅是个开始。
Is there something you've dreamed of doing for a long time?
有没有什么事是你长久以来一直梦想去做的?
Yeah? Well, why haven't you done it yet?
是吗？那你为什么还没做呢?
Or what about: if you were to die today, without the chance to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not saying?
或者：如果你今天死了，没有机会和任何人交流，你最后悔没有说什么?
And why haven't you said it yet?
你为什么还没说呢?
Okay, that got a little intense.
好吧，有点紧张哈。
But it was supposed to.
就应该这样。
These are just a few of the 36 questions that have earned the reputation of being able to make people fall in love—
这些只是让人坠入爱河的36个问题中的几个问题——
thanks to a viral New York Times article.
多亏了《纽约时报》一篇文章。
Which is bonkers, right?
很疯狂，对吧?
But the psychology paper they came from, which was published in 1997, is legit.
但1997年发表这篇心理学论文是合法的。
And it's helped us learn a lot about how telling other people about ourselves can deepen relationships of all kinds.
它帮助我们了解到告诉别人关于我们自己的事情如何加深各种关系。
The original paper consisted of three fairly similar experiments, where undergrads in a psychology class were paired with a classmate they didn't know well.
最初的论文由三个相似的实验组成，心理学专业的本科生和一个他们不太熟悉的同学配对。
Many pairs included one man and one woman, but quite a few pairs had two women—
男女一组的很多，但两个女生一组的相当多——
just because of who was taking the classes.
只是因为有人在上课。
They were given 45 minutes and 3 sets of questions to talk about, which got progressively more personal.
这些人要在45分钟内讨论3组问题，这些问题越来越私人化。
And at the end, they were given tests to evaluate how much they liked each other and whether they would want to work together again.
最后，研究人员对其进行了测试，以评估他们有多喜欢对方，以及是否愿意再次合作。
Pretty straightforward, right?
很简单，对吧?
And overall, the researchers analyzed 190 pairs of students and a few variables.
总的来说，研究人员分析了190对学生和一些变量。
For instance, they wanted to know what would happen when students were paired with someone they shared values with,
例如，他们想知道当学生和有着共同价值观的人配对，
or with someone they'd been told they'd probably like.
或者和被告知可能会喜欢的人在一起时会发生什么。
Most of these things didn't have much of an effect.
大多数没有什么效果。
But the researchers did find that increasingly personal questions led to stronger feelings of liking and closeness than small talk prompts—
但研究人员确实发现，越来越多的私人问题比闲聊更能让人产生好感和亲密感，
like the last time you went to the zoo.
就像上次去动物园一样。
And yes, they did follow up with the pairs afterwards and some of them did stay close.
是的，他们在实验结束后确实对这些人进行了跟踪调查，其中一些人确实保持了密切的联系。
One pair even got married and invited the whole research team.
一对甚至结婚了，还邀请了整个研究团队。
But that wasn't the point.
但这不是重点。
The study wasn't about romantic love.
这项研究不是关于浪漫爱情的。
It was about any kind of temporary intimacy, which the researchers described as incorporating someone else into your sense of self.
这是一种暂时的亲密关系，研究人员称其为将他人融入自我意识。
In fact, happily-ever-after was so not the point that the researchers said they always carefully debriefed their subjects.
事实上，幸福永远不是重点，研究人员说，他们总是认真听取受试者的描述。
They emphasized that this was an unusual way to form a relationship, and that the students shouldn't feel any obligation to their partners.
他们强调，这是一种非同寻常地建立关系的方式，学生不应该感到对他们的伴侣有任何义务。
The actual point of this study was pretty simple: studying relationships is hard.
这项研究的真正目的很简单：研究人际关系是困难的。
Sure, you can study people who are already besties.
当然，你可以研究那些已经是好朋友的人。
And psychologists definitely do that, but it's not easy to standardize pre-existing relationships—and doing so could affect the results.
心理学家确实是这样做的，但是要使已经存在的关系标准化并不容易——这可能会影响研究结果。
How close are they, and how long have they been close?
他们有多亲密?他们亲密多久了?
What brought them together?
是什么让他们走到一起的?
It's hard to base an objective study and draw conclusions from something so fuzzy.
很难从如此模糊的事物中得出客观的研究和结论。
To try and get around this problem, some researchers have used speed dating to test their hypotheses.
为解决这一问题，一些研究人员使用闪电约会来验证他们的假设。
It's a good idea, but because speed dating is so brief, it's mostly appropriate for studying initial romantic attraction than other types of closeness.
这是个好主意，但由于闪电约会时间太短，最适合研究最初的浪漫吸引力，而不是其他类型的亲密关系。
So in the 1990s, these researchers developed their own procedure to try and study temporary intimacy in the lab.
所以在20世纪90年代，这些研究人员自己开发了程序，试图在实验室里研究暂时的亲密关系。
They wanted it to be easy to replicate and not too time-consuming.
他们希望能找到易于复制，且不太耗时的方法。
And it seems to work!
似乎起作用了!
Their procedure been used a lot since then, mostly to study a process called self-disclosure,
从那以后，他们的方法被广泛使用，主要用于研究自我表露，
which is basically telling or showing people things about yourself.
也就是告诉别人或者向别人展示自己。
Even before this 1997 study,
甚至在1997年这项研究之前，
there was a lot of research about self-disclosure out there, suggesting that it's important to starting and building a close relationship with friends, family, or a romantic partner.
很多关于自我表露的研究表明，与朋友、家人或恋人建立亲密关系非常重要。
But the studies that have used this method to induce closeness in the lab have learned a whole bunch of stuff.
但是用这种方法诱导亲密感的试验研究已经收获颇丰。
For example, we think that taking turns self-disclosing can build intimacy more effectively than one-sided sharing.
例如，我们认为，轮流自我表露比单方面分享更能有效地建立亲密关系。
And it's the experience of someone sharing stuff with you that makes you feel closer to them, not the act of sharing yourself.
让你觉得更亲近的不是分享自己的经历而是别人和你分享他们的经历。
One study found that social anxiety makes telling someone about yourself less effective at building closeness.
一项研究发现，社交焦虑会让你在建立亲密关系方面的效果大打折扣。
While another found that moving in sync with someone else—
而另一人则发现，与他人同步移动——
for instance, going through two versions of an assignment to check them against each other—can make it more effective.
例如，两人做同一项任务，以便相互对照，在建立亲密关系方面更有效。
Today, a lot of the research in this field is looking into self-disclosure on the Internet.
如今，这一领域的许多研究都着眼于在互联网上自我表露。
And psychologists think that it also makes people feel close.
心理学家认为，这也能让人感觉亲近。
Studying this can be kind of tricky, though, because we change how much we share about ourselves on different platforms.
然而，这一问题研究起来可能有点棘手，因为我们在不同平台上分享关于自己信息的多少是不同的。
So overall, researchers agree that self-disclosure does create intimacy and build relationships.
因此，总的来说，研究人员认为，自我表露确实能让关系亲密并建立人际关系。
But it's important to remember that there's a time and a place for those sorts of deep conversations.
但重要的是要记住，得有时间和地点进行这种深入交谈。
Like, you can't just start shouting things about yourself at people.
比如，你不能开始对别人大喊大叫。
There's actually research showing that the receptiveness and responsiveness of whoever's listening to your self-disclosures is really important.
事实上，有研究表明，倾听别人自我表露的接受能力和反应能力非常重要。
A 2004 study of 98 couples found that it really mattered when someone felt like their self-disclosures were being heard by their partners.
2004年，一项针对98对夫妇的研究发现，有人觉得自我表露被伴侣听到真的很重要。
Specifically, it increased how much the bond was strengthened when their partner shared stuff.
具体来说，当他们的伴侣分享东西时，关系会增强。
And another study found that wanting to be close to someone was enough to create anticipatory feelings of closeness—
另一项研究发现，渴望亲近某人，
even before the self-disclosures started.
甚至在自我揭露开始之前就足以产生预期的亲密感。
So yes, people who answer those 36 questions can fall in love, but you shouldn't count on them to do the trick.
所以，是的，回答这36个问题的人会坠入爱河，但你不应该指望有效。
Really, this procedure is just a cool tool to help scientists better understand these weird, messy, beautiful things we call relationships.
真的，这个程序只是一个很棒的工具，帮助科学家更好地理解这些奇怪、混乱、美妙的关系。
Thanks for watching this episode of SciShow Psych, where we really value our relationships with everyone who watches and supports our videos—
感谢收看本期心理科学秀，我们非常珍惜与每一个观看和支持我们节目的人的关系
especially our Patreon patrons.
特别是Patreon。
We couldn't do this without you!
我们不能没有你!
If you want to join our community and help us out, you can go to patreon.com/scishow.
如果你想加入我们的社区并帮助我们，可以访问patreon.com/scishow。
