My duty will be to develop these germs: surely I shall find some happiness in discharging that office.
我的职责是帮助这些萌芽成长,当然在尽责时我能获得某种愉快。
Much enjoyment I do not expect in the life opening before me:
但我并不期望从展现在我面前的生活中尝到多大乐趣。
yet it will, doubtless, if I regulate my mind, and exert my powers as I ought, yield me enough to live on from day to day.
不过无疑要是我调节自己的心态,尽力去做,它也会给我以足够的酬报,让我一天天生活下去。
Was I very gleeful, settled, content, during the hours I passed in yonder bare, humble schoolroom this morning and afternoon?
今天上午和下午我在那边四壁空空、简陋不堪的教室里度过的几小时,难道自己就快乐、安心、知足吗,
Not to deceive myself, I must reply -- No: I felt desolate to a degree.
为了不自欺欺人,我得回答——没有。我觉得有些孤寂。
I felt -- yes, idiot that I am -- I felt degraded.
我感到——是呀.自己真愚蠢——我感到有失身份。
I doubted I had taken a step which sank instead of raising me in the scale of social existence.
我对周围见到和听到的无知、贫穷和粗俗略微有点失望。
I was weakly dismayed at the ignorance, the poverty, the coarseness of all I heard and saw round me.
我怀疑我所跨出的一步不是提高而是降低了自己的社会地位。
But let me not hate and despise myself too much for these feelings;
但别让我因为这些情感而痛恨和蔑视自己。
I know them to be wrong -- that is a great step gained; I shall strive to overcome them.
我知道这些情感是不对的——这是一大进步。我要努力驱除这些情感。
To-morrow, I trust, I shall get the better of them partially;
我相信明天我将部分地战胜它们;
and in a few weeks, perhaps, they will be quite subdued.
几周之后或许完全征服它们;
In a few months, it is possible, the happiness of seeing progress,
几个月后,我会高兴地看到进步,
and a change for the better in my scholars may substitute gratification for disgust.
看到学生们大有进展,于是满意就会取代厌恶了。
Meantime, let me ask myself one question-
同时,也让我问自己一个问题