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After about five or six days of drinking from this fire hose, I caved.
在接受了五六天的疯狂灌输后，我屈服了。
Mid-meditation, I put my hand on my heart, and while I definitely was not going to call myself "sweetie," I did silently say to myself, "It's all good, dude, I know this sucks, but I've got you."
在冥想中，我把手放在心口，虽然我绝对不会叫自己“亲爱的”，但我确实默默地对自己说，“一切都会好的，伙计，我知道你现在感觉很糟糕，但有我在。”
This was very strange and embarrassing, but in this moment, I had an epiphany.
这是非常奇怪和羞耻的，但就是在这一刻，我顿悟了。
I realized that my demons were actually just ancient, fear-based neurotic programs, probably injected into me by the culture, by my parents.
我意识到，我心中的恶魔也许只是长期以来，文化或是我的父母在潜移默化中根植在我心里的，由恐惧产生的“神经病”。
And they were trying to help me.
它们其实是想帮助我。
It was the organism trying to protect itself.
这是有机体在试图自卫。
And when I stopped fighting them, they calmed down for a few seconds.
当我不再对抗他们，他们就会平静一会。
I didn't have to slay them.
我没必要消灭他们。
I just had to give them a high five.
我只需要跟他们握手言和。
And this counterintuitive extension of warmth was not, I realized, it was not indulgent.
我意识到，这种反直觉的温暖并不是在肆意蔓延。
It was radical disarmament.
这是彻底让人卸下防备的方式。
Here's the way I think about this.
以下是我对这件事的看法。
At any given moment, we humans have two choices or two spirals that are available to us.
在某个特定时刻，我们人类都面临两种选择或者说两种旋涡。
The first is what my friend Evelyn Tribole calls the toilet vortex.
第一种是我的朋友伊夫林·特里博尔所说的马桶漩涡。
The reason why this looks childish and ridiculous is that I drew it myself.
这幅画看起来很可笑，因为是我自己画的。
It's OK, sweetie.
没事的，亲爱的。
You're good at so many other things.
你对其它很多事情都很在行。
I probably shouldn't make fun of the thing I'm going to try to get you to do, but...
我可能不应该调侃我想让你做的事情，但是……
The toilet vortex might start like this.
马桶漩涡开始会是这样。
You're picking on yourself because you don't like the way you look in the mirror.
你会对自己挑三拣四，因为你不喜欢自己在镜子里的样子。
You're unhappy with your level of productivity or you have failed to achieve ketosis, whatever.
你对自己的生产力不满意，或者你没达成生酮减肥目标等等。
And then you take that out on other people and then you are feeling more miserable, and then down you go.
你会把气撒在别人身上，然后感觉更加痛苦，之后你就会进入了旋涡。
The vastly superior alternative is what I call the cheesy upward spiral.
更好的一种情况是我所说的“油腻”的上升漩涡。
This one was drawn by a professional.
这张是由专业人士画的。
As your inner weather gets balmier, because you've learned how to high-five your demons, that shows up in your relationships with other people.
一旦你学会了如何接受自己心中的恶魔，你的内心会更加平和，这会体现在你与他人的关系中。
And because relationships are probably the most important variable when it comes to human flourishing, your inner weather improves even further and up you go.
因为人际关系可以说是人类繁荣最重要的变量，你内心越平和，你就会越向上。
And that is the whole point here.
这就是全部要点。
Self-love, properly understood, not as narcissism, but as having your own back, is not selfish.
自尊自爱，对自己有良好认知——并非是自恋，而是支持你自己——并不代表自私。
It makes you better at loving other people.
这会让你更善于爱他人。
And the flip side of this was on full display in my 360.
我的360度评估是个彻底的反例。
All the ways in which I was torturing myself showed up in my relationships with other people.
我折磨自己的种种方式都体现在了我与他人的关系中。
And as those relationships suffered, so did I.
随着这些关系的恶化，我自己也受到了影响。
