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Directions: For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a short essay entitled "Recreational activities". You should write at least 120 words following the outline given below.
1.娱乐活动多种多样。 2.娱乐活动可以使人们受益，也可能带来危害。 3.作为大学生，我认为……
读者原文
Everyone needs to do some recreational activities to relax after one day's work or study. And there are many recreational activities available in today's society. For example, sports fans may choose to play basketball or football. Or one may have a break by watching TV or listening to music.
Among the large number of creational activities, some are carefully designed and can be beneficial to us. For example, playing basketball can help you get stronger and healthier. It can also enrich friendship if you play together with your classmates. However, some activities may do us bad, especially to the young people who are curious about everything but can't control themselves. Computer game is one of such activities. Many college students love playing computer games today and they play it every day. Some students even develop addictions and they play truancy or stay up late in the night to play it. This harms their study and their health. In my class, there are students who fail exams because they play too much computer games.
As a college student, I think we should balance between work and rest. Recreation is very importance in our life. But study is the first mission of students. If we want to play, we need to know clearly which activity is good and which is bad. And we should have self-control so that we won't get addicted to some bad activities blindly.
修改后的文章
Everyone needs some recreational activities to help them relax after a day's work or study. And there are many recreational activities available to us in today's society. For example, sports fans may choose to play basketball or football. Or one may take a break by watching TV or listening to music.
Among the large number of recreational activities, some are carefully designed and can be beneficial to us. For example, playing basketball can help us get stronger and healthier. It can also enrich friendships while we play together with our teammates. However, some activities may cause harm, especially to young people who are curious about everything but are unable to control themselves.
Playing computer games is one such activity. Many college students play them every day. Some students even develop addictions and skip school or stay up late into the night to play them. This can affect their study and health. In my class, there are students who fail exams because they spend too much of their study time playing computer games.
As college students, we should strike a balance between work and rest. Recreation is of great importance to our life, but study is our primary task. If we want to play, we need to know clearly which activities are good and which are bad. At the same time, we should exercise self-control so that we won't get addicted to some bad activities.
夏老师的点评
这篇作文写得不错，内容充实，观点明确，说理清楚，文字亦比较连贯。 总的来说，语言基本功也是比较好的，大的句子架构没有问题。不足的是该生对英语的数的概念不很敏感，多处不一致。另外，个别习语用得不对，有些地方词不达意。
1. 第二段第二句中的playing basketball can help you get stronger and healthier建议改为playing basketball can help us get stronger and healthier。由于前一句some are carefully designed and can be beneficial to us中已经用了us，接下来也要用us，前后一致，可以增加文章的连贯性。
2. 第二段第三句It can also enrich friendship if you play together with your classmates应改为It can also enrich friendships while we play together with our teammates。由于前面的句子用了第一人称代词us，所以后面的句子应该将第二人称代词you改为第一人称us才能够保持文章的连贯性。
3. 第二段第四句中的some activities may do us bad应改为some activities may do us harm。Do sb. good 的反面是 do sb. harm，而不是do sb. bad。例如：
I think a trip to the beach would do us all a lot of good.
Eating sweets occasionally doesn't do children any harm.
Strenuous exercise can often do more harm than good.
I don't think you should punish them for this – it would probably do more harm than good.
4. 第二段第六句中Many college students love playing computer games today and they play it every day 应改为Many college students love playing computer games today and they play them every day。前半句games是复数了，后半句代词当然也应用复数。同样的道理，本段接下去一句中的it也应改为them。
5. 第二段最后一句In may class, there are students who fail exams because they play too much computer games应改为In my class, there are students who fail exams because they spend too much of their study time playing computer games。 因为games 是复数，用much修饰不合适。改为they spend too much of their study time playing computer games就没有这个问题了。
6. 第三段第一句As a college student, I think we should balance between work and rest. 建议改为As college students, we should strike a balance between work and rest。balance between work and rest应改为balance work and rest，因为balance是及物动词，后面直接接宾语。名词balance后才接between。本句也可以改为strike a balance between work and rest。
7. 第三段第二、三句Recreation is very importance in our life. But study is the first mission of students可以并成一句，改为 Recreation is of great importance to our life, but study is our primary task。原第二句中importance为名词，应改为形容词important，或改用短语of great importance。原第三句中the first mission(第一个使命)也不确切，改为our primary task(我们的主要任务)，比较确当。
8. 第三段最后一句中we should have self-control建议改为we should exercise self-control，have表示一个状态， exercise是一个动作，表示我们的主动性，意思上更好一些。
adv. 偶尔地
