n. 仁慈,好意
Our Taoist master Laozi said it best: “Fortune depends on misfortune. Misfortune is hidden in fortune.” I left school as a child, often went hungry, was constantly lonely, and had no books to read. But for those reasons, like the writer of a previous generation, Shen Congwen, I had an early start on reading the great book of life. My experience of going to the marketplace to listen to a storyteller was but one page of that book.
辍学之后,我混迹于成人之中,开始了“用耳朵阅读”的漫长生涯。二百多年前,我的故乡曾出了一个讲故事的伟大天才——蒲松龄,我们村里的许多人,包括我,都是他的传人。我在集体劳动的田间地头,在生产队的牛棚马厩,在我爷爷奶奶的热炕头上,甚至在摇摇晃晃地进行着的牛车社,聆听了许许多多神鬼故事,历史传奇,逸闻趣事,这些故事都与当地的自然环境,家庭历史紧密联系在一起,使我产生了强烈的现实感。
After leaving school, I was thrown uncomfortably into the world of adults, where I embarked on the long journey of learning through listening. Two hundred years ago, one of the great storytellers of all time – Pu Songling – lived near where I grew up, and where many people, me included, carried on the tradition he had perfected. Wherever I happened to be – working the fields with the collective, in production team cowsheds or stables, on my grandparents’ heated kang, even on oxcarts bouncing and swaying down the road, my ears filled with tales of the supernatural, historical romances, and strange and captivating stories, all tied to the natural environment and clan histories, and all of which created a powerful reality in my mind.
我做梦也想不到有朝一日这些东西会成为我的写作素材,我当时只是一个迷恋故事的孩子,醉心地聆听着人们的讲述。那时我是一个绝对的有神论者,我相信万物都有灵性,我见到一棵大树会肃然起敬。我看到一只鸟会感到它随时会变化成人,我遇到一个陌生人,也会怀疑他是一个动物变化而成。每当夜晚我从生产队的记工房回家时,无边的恐惧便包围了我,为了壮胆,我一边奔跑一边大声歌唱。那时我正处在变声期,嗓音嘶哑,声调难听,我的歌唱,是对我的乡亲们的一种折磨。
Even in my wildest dreams, I could not have envisioned a day when all this would be the stuff of my own fiction, for I was just a boy who loved stories, who was infatuated with the tales people around me were telling. Back then I was, without a doubt, a theist, believing that all living creatures were endowed with souls. I’d stop and pay my respects to a towering old tree; if I saw a bird, I was sure it could become human any time it wanted; and I suspected every stranger I met of being a transformed beast. At night, terrible fears accompanied me on my way home after my work points were tallied, so I’d sing at the top of my lungs as I ran to build up a bit of courage. My voice, which was changing at the time, produced scratchy, squeaky songs that grated on the ears of any villager who heard me.
我在故乡生活了二十一年,期间离家最远的是乘火车去了一次青岛,还差点迷失在木材厂的巨大木材之间,以至于我母亲问我去青岛看到了什么风景时,我沮丧地告诉她:什么都没看到,只看到了一堆堆的木头。但也就是这次青岛之行,使我产生了想离开故乡到外边去看世界的强烈愿望。
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