可可电台，每期节目一话题，让英语磨练耳朵的同时学到更多有益的小知识，丰富知识的同时受益于生活。

别毒害自己的爱情

You consistently put your partner’s needs before your own.

总是把伴侣的需求看得比自己的重要

In a codependent relationship, the enabler focuses on the feelings and needs of the other partner, usually at the expense of their own, said Andrea Wachter, a marriage and family therapist in Northern California.

来自南加州的婚姻家庭治疗专家Andrea Wachter认为，在相互依赖的关系中，往往牺牲自己的利益，有一方把对方的感受和需求放在首位。

While it may make them feel good about themselves―saintly, even―it’s not healthy.

让对方自我感觉良好，甚至把自己当成大爷，这是病态的。

“In solid relationships, each person factors in their own truth and their own needs,”she said.“But people can only do this if they feel worthy of having needs.”

稳固的关系意味着其中的每个人，有着自己的信条(处事原则)和需求，除非你确实有需要你才可以这么做。

To change this dynamic, Wachter recommends enablers get in the habit of saying“no” ―or at least waiting to make a decision.

要改变这种情况，你要学会拒绝，或者至少不要急着做决定。

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