读者来信:两个月之前,我才开始从事这份工作(这是我大学毕业之后第一份“真正意义上的”正式工作),但从一开始,我的上司就变成了我的噩梦。他总是对我做的事情吹毛求疵,冷嘲热讽。而且,他大约每周都失控一次,对我和其他同事歇底斯里地吼叫。在此我不想提到这些同事的名字。
我还发现上司有另外一个毛病:他经常会在一项工作任务的最后关头压缩我们的时间,导致我们无法弥补失去的时间。之后,他就会向上级抱怨我们如何“懒散”,而那些高层好像都觉得他神通广大。我非常希望能在这家公司取得成功,但我不知道我还能忍受多久。我是否应该跟他的上司谈谈?因为他的上司看上去比较通情达理。如果不能的话,那我该怎么?
应对建议:
1. Practice tuning out the tantrums. One way to keep your cool when your boss starts screaming is to practice repeating a mantra in your head like, "Ignore the anger. It's not yours." Another approach is to "simply think about the one aspect of the bully's physical appearance you find most awkward," Namie says. Focusing on the boss's goofy haircut or oversized ears "can help you to stay calm" because "you're not taking him too seriously."
练习屏蔽怒气。要在上司歇斯底里地怒吼时保持冷静,一种方法是在心里反复默念一句话:“不要生气,我犯不上为这事生气。”纳米表示,另外一种方法很简单,就是“想着恶霸上司外貌中最可笑的部分。”盯着上司愚蠢的发型或者肥硕的耳朵,“可以帮你保持冷静”,因为“你根本没拿他当回事儿。”
2. Get a reality check. Bullies have a knack for knowing exactly "how to make you feel incompetent or unworthy," Namie notes. "When confronted by a constant critic who picks apart both your work and your worthiness, it's hard not to believe he's right."
核实真实情况。纳米强调道,对于“如何贬低下属的能力和价值”,恶霸上司们驾轻就熟。“如果上司老是贬低下属的工作和价值,下属也很难不信以为真。”
To counteract that, he says, you need a good friend or respected ally at work "who could help you determine whether any of the criticism is useful to your work. Which parts are valid, and which are incorrect, misinformed, malicious, or just plain whiny?"
他认为,应付这种情况需要借助好朋友或公司中有威望的同盟,“他们可以协助确定这些批评是否对你的工作有益。哪些部分是有效的,哪些是错误的、恶意的,甚至纯粹只是在发牢骚。”
3. Enlist supporters. Since you mention that a few of your coworkers have also been on the receiving end of your boss's screaming fits, try sounding them out about the problem, Namie suggests. "Are they willing to brainstorm with you about possible ways to improve the situation, without anyone having to take on the boss alone?"
寻求内部同盟。你前面提到,有几个同事也是这位上司间歇性暴脾气的受害者,因此不妨试着征求他们对这个问题的看法。“看他们是否愿意与你群策群力,想出办法来改善目前的处境,而不是各自为战,独自面对上司的欺侮。”
Even as a group of like-minded fellow sufferers, Namie warns, you probably can't transform a bully's behavior. After all, it's clearly been working pretty well for him so far. But at the very least, you can provide each other with enough moral support to last until you no longer.
但纳米警告,即便一群志同道合的受压迫者团结起来,可能也无法改变恶霸上司的行为。毕竟,到目前为止,这个恶棍还安然无恙地稳坐在自己的位置上。不过,在你们摆脱这个家伙之前,至少你们可以为彼此提供足够的精神支持。