When exchanging small talk with my workaholic boss, I told him I’d rented a villa in Mallorca this summer. It turns out he owns a house nearby and will be there at the same time. To my horror, he has invited me over with my wife and sons. Which is more career limiting: to lie to get out of it or to turn up with mutinous wife and twin two-year-olds – guaranteed to throw tantrums and fall in the pool? Isn’t the point of a holiday that you have two weeks freed from office politics? Help!
Manager, male, 34
Lucy's answer
Yes, the point of a holiday is that you have a two-week exeat from office politics and from seeing your colleagues at all. The only snag is that you can’t have a holiday unless you have a job, and having a job of the sort that you have requires keeping on the right side of your boss.
So I suggest that you put out feelers to see whether he was merely being polite in issuing the invitation. It is possible that his desire to see you is as low as your desire to see him. Use the twins as an excuse and a warning and see if he takes it.
But I fear that since he is a workaholic, which means he probably hates holidays, he is actively eager to leaven his break with anyone who reminds him of the office. In that case he will take it in very poor spirit if you decline his offer.
This leaves the issue of your mutinous wife and troublesome two year olds. I rather approve of mutinous wives; I can see why yours might feel that way if you spend the year in the office and that as soon as you are on holiday she is expected to endure a sticky car journey to see your boss. Seething is exactly what I would do in her shoes.
So what you should do is leave her behind, with the more troublesome of the twins and strike out to visit your boss with the other one. You can explain that the other child has got an ear infection from the pool, which, in my experience of holidays in Mallorca, will probably be true, and that your wife, sadly, has to stay behind to look after him.
Then turn up at some point in the afternoon – don’t consider a meal – and be super friendly. Tell him how fabulous his house is, and ask a lot of keen questions about how long he’s had it for. The minute your child starts cutting up rough, you have the perfect excuse to leave. Everyone is delighted to see the back of guests with troublesome infants.
Make sure you fix this date as near to the start of your holiday as possible. That way you get it over quickly, and you’ll find a 13-day break from office politics is almost as good as a fortnight’s one.
Your advice
Be graceful
Don’t be so churlish. Accept gracefully, arrange a time when the twins can sleep beforehand (wear them out if necessary), stay for an hour or so, leave before they get tired and don’t talk shop. If you do, you invite a mutiny.
Manager (retired), female
Avoid at all cost
I have a lovely olive mill in Mallorca, where there is a nearby reservoir with a dam from which you jump three metres into the water. Last summer my managing partner unexpectedly rented a holiday villa nearby so I invited him up to lunch, after which we all proceeded to jump into the reservoir. To my horror, not only would he not jump, he would also not swim, and was quite visibly afraid. Net result of this is that my opinion of him plummeted?.?.?.?and has never since recovered. So save your career by avoiding the invitation at all costs.
Professional male
Hands-on dad
If your wife is disinclined to go with you, leave her behind in your rented villa – she deserves a break more than anyone. Take all the kit you need for your twins to use the pool (ask your wife if you don’t know) and ask your boss to supervise one of them while you take charge of the other. You and your boss won’t have the time or energy to talk shop or discuss office politics and you will earn brownie points with his wife, if not with him, for being a hands-on father.
Another mutinous wife
Win-win
This seems a win for you, no matter what happens. If your wife turns out mutinous and rude, you can always apologise when you’re at work, and he can tut-tut in sexist sympathy. If your kids puke over everything, the same. Of course, if your family and his get along famously, all the better. Whichever way, he will see you in a different context, and you will have something to talk about other than work.
Anon
Jealous hoax
This surely is a hoax by a jealous colleague who will not be going to Mallorca. It is clear the boss is reading the FT like we all do – and this “Manager, male, 34” will appear in his eyes extremely stupid, even insulting, to have posted the question here.