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Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 21, 2016
星座运势——2016年6月21这周
Aries | March 21 to April 19
白羊座 3.21-4.19
Nothing noteworthy will occur in your life this week, as you have not paid your cable bill in months.
本周你的生活中不会发生大事，因为你已经数月未交有线电视费了。
Taurus | April 20 to May 20
金牛座 4.20-5.20
The loneliness you feel cannot last forever. It can, however, last 40 years until the moment of your death.
你感觉到的孤独不会一直持续下去的。但是，直到你离世前，它还能持续40年。
Gemini | May 21 to June 20
双子座 5.21-6.20
Your religious faith will be shattered when, after years of piety, you discover a little-known Bible passage condemning murder.
几年虔诚之后，你发现《圣经》中只有鲜为人知的篇章谴责谋杀，这时你的宗教信仰就会破碎。
Cancer | June 21 to July 22
巨蟹座 6.21-7.22
The disappearance of Mars from the sky may indicate that it is time to let go of your warlike nature. Also, it could indicate that Mars has taken orbit behind the sun.
天空中火星的消失可能意味着是时候放弃你好战的本质了。也有可能意味着火星是在太阳后面的那个轨道运行的。
Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22
狮子座 7.23-8.22
Your beloved cats Oscar, Sofie, Tim, Gibson and Malcolm are asked to appear on national television after smothering you in your sleep.
在你最喜爱的猫咪们：奥斯卡，苏菲蒂姆，吉布森和马尔科姆睡梦中抚慰你之后，就有人请它们上国家电视节目。
Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22
处女座 8.23-9.22
Due to circumstances beyond your control, you will make absolutely no effort to take charge of your miserable life this week.
由于不受你控制的情况，本周你根本不会努力去主掌你苦逼的生活。
Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22
天秤座 9.23-10.22
Your birthday party will once again be ruined by highly trained, combat-tested military demolitions experts.
你的生日聚会将再一次被训练有素的，经过战斗考验的军事爆破专家所破坏。
Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21
蝎子座 10.23-11.21
Reaffirm your commitment to weight loss this week. Eat five pounds of cottage cheese, six cans of peach halves in heavy syrup, and a liter of Diet Coke for each meal.
本周再次确认你减肥的承诺。每餐食用5英镑的松软干酪，6罐浸在浓糖浆里切成一半的桃子和1公升的健怡可乐。
Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21
射手座 11.22-12.21
A crazy person will try to convince you that the stars are vast, distant balls of gaseous matter. Ignore him.
一位疯狂人士将会尽力说服你恒星是广阔无边的，是气体物质的遥远球。不要理他。
Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19
摩羯座 12.22-1.19
You will discover the power of chain letters this week when you accidentally break one and suffer no terrible consequences whatsoever.
当你这周无意打开了一封连锁信，但也没有发生糟糕后果时，你就会发现连锁信的力量。
Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18
宝瓶座 1.20-2.18
Nothing can stop Destiny from exerting its powerful influence over you if it so desires. However, it does not.
如果命运十分想要对你产生重大影响的话，那么没有什么是能阻止它的。但，它没有想对你产生影响。
Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20
双鱼座 2.19-3.20
You may be entitled to a large refund this week when the gynecologist you’ve been seeing announces that you are not pregnant but male.
本周当一直给你看病的妇科医生宣布你没有怀孕，还说你是男性时，你可能会得到一大笔退款。
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