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Now that I'm nearing the end of the divorce process (it's a marathon - not a sprint!), I'm starting to reflect on the things I wish I had known before getting a divorce period. I don't think there is any real book to prepare you for divorce, as each person's experience is so unique. But as you're headed down the aisle - that's the court aisle - of divorce, there are some things it wouldn't hurt to know as you sever your formerly "forever" relationship.
我的离婚过程已接近尾声（真的是一场马拉松，而不是冲刺！），我开始反思一些我希望在离婚前就知道的事情。我觉得根本就没有一本书能让你为离婚做好准备，因为每个人的经历都是独一无二的。但当你迈过通往离婚的长廊--法庭的长廊，与之前那段"永久的"恋情一分为二时，知道下面的这些事情对你并没有什么坏处。
1. How It Would Affect My Toddler
1. 离婚会如何影响我的孩子？
My daughter was just turning 3 when her dad and I split, and no matter how often I googled toddlers and divorce, there wasn't a ton of information on how she might be affected by the experience. I ended up pushing for her to try play therapy, and when my ex agreed, we had her attend for a while. It was the best choice to make, but it would have been great had I known of the potential issues she might have had and the ways to help our child through it ahead of time. The reality is no one can predict how a divorce will impact your kids.
我和丈夫分开时，我的孩子才刚满3岁，虽然我经常在谷歌上搜索关键字：孩子与离婚，但关于孩子会如何受到离婚这段经历影响的信息并不多。最后我逼着孩子尝试游戏疗法，当我前夫同意时，我们让其他人照顾了她一段时间。这是最好的选择，但如果我能提前知道她可能有的潜在问题和帮助孩子度过这段时间的方法，那么情况会变得更好。事实上，谁都无法预测离婚给孩子带来的影响。
2. Don't Use Friends
2. 不要咨询朋友
Don't use friends for legal advice - meaning, don't hire a friend to handle the divorce even though your friend will cut you a break financially. My ex and I started out this way, and the friend was truly lovely and magnanimous at heart to want to help two broke people divorce, but we ended up switching counsel (to mediators) for various reasons. It's been 20 months, and it's still not final. Lesson learned!
不要向朋友咨询法律建议--也就是说，不要雇朋友处理你们的离婚问题，即使朋友少收你们钱也不行。我和前夫就是雇的朋友，虽然朋友很好、落落大方，也是真心想帮我们离婚，但我们都因为各种各样的理由换了其他咨询师进行调解。现在已经20个月了，我们的离婚还没搞定，向我学习吧！
3. Make It Clear
3. 说清楚
Our mediator now was shocked when he saw our divorce agreement. Everything was completely vague and open to interpretation. No, no, no! Don't do it! It doesn't matter if you and your ex are cosy now, because down the line, you may not be. Have everything written in detail, and leave no topics untouched, especially when there are children involved. Too much vague language in your divorce agreement can kill you later on.
当调解人看到我们的协议时，他/她完全震惊了。每件事都很模糊，可以任意解读。不不不！不要这么做！即使你和你的前夫现在无所谓也不行，因为最后你有可能会因为条款不明而抓狂。每件事都详细说明，每件事情都要说清楚，尤其是关于孩子的问题。离婚协议中太多模糊的言语会在以后的岁月里搞垮你。
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