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Every war, bar brawl or playground smack-down ever fought has resulted from our habit of lashing out first and talking it through only later. But if aggression has one virtue, it’s that it’s unambiguous. It’s hard to misunderstand the meaning of a missile launch or a punch in the nose.
每场战争、每次的酒吧殴斗或操场上的殴打都是由于我们先猛烈抨击、然后再讨论的习惯造成的。但如果攻击有优势，那就是特点鲜明。人们很难误解导弹发射或一拳打到鼻子上代表着的意思。
But passive-aggression? That’s a whole other thing. Passive-aggression is there but it’s not, you see it and you don’t. It’s aggression as steam — hard to frame, impossible grasp. You see it in the competitive colleague who would never confront you directly but accidentally leaves your name off an email about an important meeting. It’s the spouse who’s usually punctual but takes forever to get out of the house when it’s your turn to choose the movie. Sometimes there’s an innocent explanation, but often there’s not — and the passive-aggressors themselves might not even know which is which.
但又被动又爱攻击人？那就是另一回事了。又被动又爱攻击就在那里，但也不在那里，你看得见也看不见。这种攻击就像蒸汽一样——难以架构、无法掌握。你在好竞争的同事身上看到过这一点，她/他从未正面怼过你，但偶尔会在一封有关重要会议的邮件上划掉你的名字。这也体现在配偶身上，她/他平时都很准时，但轮到你选择看什么电影时，他们/她们却要花很长的时间才会离开家，有时候他们能给出无辜的辩解，但通常都是没有理由的——又被动又爱攻击的人可能自己都搞不清楚。
Leaving things undone.
事情不做完
Passive-aggressors are champions of the almost complete job: the room that’s painted except for the moulding; the laundry that’s washed but doesn’t get folded; the dishwasher that’s loaded except for the utensils, because really, who needs clean utensils when we can always spear our food with sharpened sticks or the fondue forks we’ve had in the back of the closet since 1997! (Not that I’ve ever experienced this at home.) It’s a nifty strategy, signalling resentment at having to do the job and leaving just little enough undone that you’d feel picky criticising it and will ultimately decide just to do it yourself for, like, the twelve billionth time. (Not that I’ve ever experienced that either.)
又被动又爱攻击的人是工作快要完成的冠军：房间已经刷完漆，就差装饰线条了；衣服洗好了，但还没叠；洗碗机装满了，但就是没有放餐具，因为自1997年，当我们可以用衣柜后锋利的棍棒或火锅叉叉食物以来，谁还会用餐具啊！（但我在家可没这么干过。）这是个极好的策略，既表达出自己对这份不得不做的任务的不满，又剩下一点不做，这样你就并不会挑剔她/他不做完，最终总是决定自己完成剩下的部分。（我也没这么干过。）
Running late.
迟到
If you’re a passive-aggressor you live in an Einsteinian universe of eternally elastic time, where a few minutes can turn into a few hours. Actually, all of us live there — which is why we have watches. To passive-aggressors, a watch is a bother. If they don’t want to go to a dinner party but feel obligated to be there? No worries. They’ll just accept the invitation and then — oopsies! — only vaguely remember the time it starts so they don’t show up till the middle of the soup course.
如果你是又被动又爱攻击的人，那你就生活在爱因斯坦的永恒弹性时间宇宙里，在这一宇宙中，几分钟能变成几小时。事实上，我们所有人都生活在这个宇宙里——所以我们才会有手表。对于又被动又爱攻击的人而言，手表就是个兄弟。但如果他们不想参加晚宴但又出于义务感而不得不去？别担心。他们会接受邀请，然后——oopsies——只模糊的记得晚宴开始的时间，所以直到上汤了他们才会出现。
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