SAT学生习作修改：Is it necessary to question the authority?

分析：本文是2006年10月考题，先根据题目做思维练习。

本文作者写的是黑人争夺民权，就此考虑文章中要细化的内容。

Authority--- who? 本文是the white people

Question the authority--- why? （因为白人欺负黑人太甚了） How? （开会，选领导，搞抗议）

Result ---（废除了公共汽车法）

学生文章分析

开头段：

1Every person makes mistakes, as well as the authority. 2That’s why it is important to insist your own idea when authority is wrong. 3Development of people’s society is usually associated with challenging the authority.

问题：句一太松散；句二词组误用，缺定冠词；句三和句二之间有些跳跃，意思上理解应该是挑战权威的结果；首段缺少明确的观点和对下文的提示。

修改：1 I cannot agree more with the saying, 2for the authority, like common people, are likely to make mistakes or act unreasonably on some occasions. 3At that moment, the public is supposed to, at the risk of offending the authority, insist on his own belief for the further development of the society. 4Next I will take the example of __Rosa Park_____ to illustrate/substantiate my point.

开头段要素：1.回答问题，2、3 解释为什么是这个答案，4.结构提示，下面举什么例子。

中间段

第一步：指出谁是权威。

In 20 century, white people in the USA discriminated against the black, 1especially in the south. There were signs which said ‘no colored allowed, whites only’ everywhere. And black people had to sit in the back of the bus.

问题：句子较为松散，并且没有非常明确地点出“权威是白人”这个概念。

修改：

In the early 1960s of the United States, it is the white who held the ultimate authority(点题) in various kinds of affairs, including the policy towards the black, whom they discriminated against. That’s why signs saying “no colored allowed, whites only” could be spotted almost everywhere. However, as the inferior group, most black people tended to accept the unfavorable status quo until they year of 1955.

第二步：开始营造question 权威的的原因和过程。

On December 1st, 1955, it was a common day in Montgomery. Alabama Rosa Parks, who 1was a black woman working hard and did well in her job, took the bus （to go） home and found a seat behind the ‘white section’. When the bus stopped at a stop, 6 white people boarded the bus. The bus driver asked those black riders to give their seats for the white passengers as usual. 3 black people stood up immediately, but Rosa refused2. And Rosa refused again when the driver asked her to give up her seat one more time. 3Then the driver called the police. Rosa was arrested by two patrolmen, charged of violating the city bus ordinance.

问题：

1在SAT语法中，and 这个词的左右对等问题是大家要特别注意的。其次white section 也没有交代清楚，容易引起困惑。大家可能觉得很奇怪，写给美国人看，需要交代得那么清楚吗，他们肯定知道啦。如果这样想就违反了写作reader-friendly的宗旨。出现特殊概念，要同位语或从句解释，这样才符合官方指南中connect to the audience的目的。

2处最大的问题在于逻辑,拒绝出现的比较突然。

为什么她不愿让座，因为她内心觉得黑人和白人应该是一样的，可以拥有相同权利，这是为什么挑战的原因。

3处也有一点突兀，如要要改建议加上报警的原因，因为驾驶员生气或是觉得权威被挑战Angered by her refusal, the bus driver called the police。

修改：

突出挑战过程，增加细节，参考维基百科http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosa_Parks

In Montgomery, the first four rows of bus seats were reserved for white people. Though black people could sit in the middle rows when there was vacancy, they had to move to seats in the rear, stand, or, if there was no room, leave the bus when the white section was full.（这也是一种白人是权威细节） But on December 1st, 1955, Alabama Rosa Parks, a tired black woman, got on a bus heading for her home after a day’s hard work. She paid her fare and sat in an empty seat in the first row of back seats reserved for blacks in the "colored" section, which was near the middle of the bus and directly behind the ten seats reserved for white passengers. . As the bus traveled along its regular route, all of the white-only seats in the bus filled up. The bus reached the third stop in front of the Empire Theater, and several white passengers boarded. So, following standard practice, bus driver Blake noted that the front of the bus was filled with white passengers and there were two or three men standing, and thus moved the "colored" secti
on sign behind Parks and demanded that four black people give up their seats in the middle section so that the white passengers could sit. And the other three people moved, but she didn't and said to herself, “I would have to know for once and for all what rights I had as a human being and a citizen."（这是挑战的原因） The driver then added, "Why don't you stand up?”Parks responded, "I don't think I should have to stand up." And he said, 'Well, if you don't stand up, I'm going to have to call the police and have you arrested.' I said, 'you may do that.'' （这一段在描绘她是怎么挑战的。可以通过对话加强真实感，这是满分作文经常用的套路）

Soon Rosa was arrested by two patrolmen and was later charged with a violation of Chapter 6, Section 11 segregation law of the Montgomery City code.