评论
打印
Public Announcement: Attention people; those interested in testifying at Nurse Downer's parole hearing should report to the office. Have a nice day.
Luke: All right, there she is. The time to strike is now.
Ben: Nothing weird hanging out of my nose?
Luke: Just the usual.
Ben: What? That's it! I'm not going!
Luke: Just get over there and talk to her.
Ben: Hi, Becka.
Becka: Hi, Ben.
Ben: Listen…
Razor: Hey! Four eyes! Did I say that you could talk to Becka?
Ben: Actually, my name's Ben.
Razor: Shut up! You know, I don't like your attitude. I don't like the way you talk. I don't even like the way you breath.
Ben: Less nasal? More nasal? A little more through the mouth?
Razor: In fact, the only thing I do like about you is your cap.
Ben: Thanks, I just got it.
Razor: Give it to me.
Ben: What?
Razor: Take it off your head, and put it in my hand by the time I count to three. One! Two...Chicken. Why don't you cluck?
Ben: Look, Razor, I know you're a tough guy, but there are certain things I will not do. Uh, so what are we talking here? Like, Rhode Island red, which is kind of a…(clucking)? Like a Jersey giant, which is kind of ….(clucking)?
Maggie: Chrissy, I told you to get in the bath.
Chrissy: I don't want to.
Jason: (clearing throat)
Chrissy: Okay, daddy! Whatever you say!
Maggie: Wait a minute. She ignores me totally, and you just clear your throat? What is this, some kind of psychological minimalist type of thing?
Jason: No, no. Just kind of a, you know, choking on a Chik-let kind of thing.
Ben: That's it! I've made my decision, and you're not talking me out of it. I want a gun.
Jason: (gasping) Forget it!
Ben: Okay, you talked me out of it. Here's plan B; I want to take karate lessons.
Jason: Karate?
Maggie: Why?
Ben: You guys remember my brand-new $27 cap? Well, this punk at school named Razor made me give it to him in front of Becka and everybody.
Jason: Come on, Ben, you've had to deal with bullies before…$27 cap?
Ben: This kid is dangerous. He is certified USDA mean.
Jason: Well, I think you should report this to the vice-principal.
Ben: Yeah? A kid tried that last year. Now he's living in Nevada under an assumed name.
Jason: There's gotta be a better way to handle this, Ben. Why don't you just go…?
Ben: What's so about karate? I mean, it's philosophical, it's graceful, and it teaches you how to put your foot through somebody's brain.
Maggie: Oh! Ben, if that's why you want to learn karate, you can forget it.
Ben: Fine! Then let me go look in my closet to see if I have anything else in Razor's size.
Jason: Ben! Wait a minute, Ben. Maggie, maybe it's not such a bad idea to let him take a few karate lessons.
Maggie: No way.
Jason: Well, you don't know what it's like. You've never had somebody bully you around at school.
Maggie: Well, as a matter of fact, Didi Ribozo tried to keep me from using the girl's bathroom the entire junior year.
Jason: So what did you do?
Maggie: I gave up liquids during school hours.
Jason: See, you gave in. That's not the way you want Ben to solve this.
Maggie: Well, I know that, Jason. But I also don't want him putting his foot through someone's brain.
Jason: Well, right now, someone's brain is inside Ben's cap. I don't like violence any more than you do, but we're both gonna feel better if he knows how to protect himself.
Maggie: Yeah, but I just wish there was some way he could reason with this boy.
Jason: Maggie, it is my experience there are two kinds of people; those you reason with, and those named Razor.
Dwight: Mike, I really appreciate you taking the time to help me sell my car.
Mike: Oh, how could I not help? And Dwight, you could be the man that marries Carol, and takes her far, far away. I'm just thanking you in advance.
Car buyer1: Excuse me. I'm her about the car.
Mike: Oh, yes! I'm telling you, they broke the mold when they made this baby.
Dwight: Oh, I sure hope so. It's got a faulty heater hose, the fan belt's worn out, it doesn't start in the rain, the starter kinda goes ruhn-ruhn, and when you turn the radio on the lights go off.
Car buyer1: Good luck!
Mike: Dwight! What are you doing?
Dwight: Telling the truth.
Mike: To sell a used car?
Dwight: Mike, you aren't suggesting that I lie, are you?
Mike: No! I'm ordering you to lie.
Dwight: Mike, I've only lied once in my whole life. I told my mother that I'd washed my hands before dinner when I hadn't. The words were barely out of my mouth, when a very large piece of Skylab came crashing down through our roof. It was an omen, Mike.
Mike: Okay, Chicken Little. Well, then we won't call it lying. We'll just call it accentuating the positive. You know, try to think of the good things you can say about the car with a clear conscience.
Dwight: If you get hit from behind, there's a pretty good chance it won't explode.
Mike: Great! You see, that's not so hard, is it?
Dwight: No.
Mike: Okay.
Dwight: But I will not lie.
Mike: Dwight, I'm with you 110 percent. Okay, let's talk about it while we roll back the odometer.
Maggie: Okay, Ben, we have to go in back to get your uniform.
Ben: Oh, I'll be right there.
[Dream sequence: The Five Fingers of Ben]
Villian leader: Hey, there, you! Blond boy! People say you are looking around to find me.
Ben: Correct! I hate you with great hatred.
[gang noises]
Villian leader: While you are looking for us, we have decimated your little town.
Villian: (laughing) And pistol-whipped your goldfish.
Ben: Prepare for a very painful death.
Villian leader: Silence! I am tired of this snappy patter. Let us fight and make snappy patter.
[fighters yelling]
Ben: You fight like my aunt Bertha.
Ben: It's a pity there are only five of you. I was hoping to break a sweat. Swamp-dwelling insects.
Villian leader: Destroy him.
[fighting sounds]
Ben: (laughing)
Villian leader: Blond boy! You are not bad, but you must fight with greater dexterity, if you want to challenge me.
[fighting sounds]
Villian leader: And now, I shall laugh in your face. (laughing)
Ben: Nobody laughs in my face. It is I who shall laugh in yours. (laughing) And now, prepare yourself to taste my fist.
Ben: Ai-yah!
Maggie: Ben, are you okay?
Ben: Oh, yeah!
Sim: Faster! Again! One, two, three, four!
Maggie: Uh, uh, excuse me, excuse me, uh, Master Sim, Master Sim…
Sim: Tell me, Ben. Have you ever seen a fight between cobra and mongoose?
Ben: Uh, just Mike and my dad when the rent's due.
Sim: Same principal; attack, counter-attack. Get ready! We're gonna go faster now. Go! One, two, three…
Maggie: No! No! Master Sim, please! You might hurt him.
Ben: Aw, mom.
Sim: Ben, take a break.
Maggie: I'm sorry, Master Sim, but this is all much too violent.
Sim: Karate is not about violence, Mrs. Seaver. Karate is about control. Control of yourself first, and then control of someone who may be trying to hurt you.
Ben: Look, mom, no one's getting hurt. Come on, I'll show you.
Maggie: No, the only hand-to-hand combat I do is at the Macy's white sale.
Ben: No, mom. I'll just be showing you how I'm learning to defend myself. Is that all right Master Sim?
Sim: Yes, but remember your mother has had no lessons, so block her blows, but don't counter-punch.
Ben: Okay, mom. Just try and punch me.
Maggie: Ah! Oh!
Ben: Mom, a punch, not a slap. Come on.
Sim: Good footwork, Ben.
Ben: Okay, mom. Now really let me have it this time.
Maggie: Okay, Ben. If you're sure.
Ben: Ai-yah!
Maggie: (hitting Ben) Oh! Oh! Oh, my God! Oh, Ben! Are you all right, sweetheart? Oh! Oh, honey!
Mike: Hey, you know, Ben, I've been thinking about your problem. And I really think that if you keep up this karate, and you study real hard for the next three years, you could take mom. After that, who knows; grandma, Carol, probably most of the girls at school.
