Man: Ah, excuse me, are you Rachel Green? Yes.

Man: One, two, three... Congratulations on your first week at your brand new job! It won't be long before you're the boss.

The Bass Barber: Omm pah, omm pah, omm pah. And you know who will be there to support...you? ! Your one and only boyfriend...

The Bass Barber: It's nice to have a boyfriend.

Quartet: Your loyal loving boyfriend Ross...Ross!

Ross: I'm hurt! I'm actually hurt, that you would think that I would send you any of those things out of any thing other than love. Hurt! Hurt!

Rachel: All right Ross! ! I get it! ! I mean my God... You're hurt! ...can't, can't a guy send a barbershop quartet to his girlfriend's office anymore! !

Rachel: Oh, please, Ross, it was so obvious! It was like you were marking your territory. I mean you might as well have just come in and peed all around my desk!

Ross: I would never do that!

Rachel: Look, I know what's going on here, ok, Mark explained it all to me. He said this is what you guys do.

Ross: Yeah well if, if, if Mark said that, than Mark's an idiot.

Joey: Mark's a genius!

Ross: Why? ! How? ! How is he a genius?

Chandler: Look, don't you see what's happening here? Instead of hitting on her right away, he's becoming her confidant. Now he's gonna be the guy that she goes too to complain about you. Oh...

Chandler: You ok over there?

Joey: Yeah, I tried taking a dance class today to get ready for this callback tomorrow.

Chandler: How'd it go?

Joey: I knocked over a girl.

Ross: Good work. Can we get back to the Mark thing? What am I gonna do?

Chandler: Well, why don't you send her a musical bug, oh, no, you already did that. All right, look, you're gonna have to go there yourself now, ok, make a few surprise visits.

Ross: I don't know, you guys.

Chandler: All right fine, don't do anything, just sit here and talk to us, meanwhile she is talking to him about you.

And he's being Mr. Joe Sensitive.

She's thinking,"Maybe he's the guy for me because he understands me."

Joey: And before you know it, she's with him. And you'll be all, 'Ohh, man!' And he'll be all, 'Yes!' And us, we'll be like, 'Wh whoa, dude.' All right?

And pretty soon you'll be like, 'Hhiii,' and, and, and, 'I can't go, Rachel and Mark might be there.' And we'll be like, 'Man, get over it, it's been four years! !'

Chandler: He paints quite a picture, doesn't he?

Woman: Here's the Shelly Segal stuff from December.

Mark: And wait, I've got something for you.

Woman: Oh, Mark! ! It's ok, Rachel knows.

Woman: Yeah, but even so.

Mark: I can't help it, I'm just, I'm just crazy about you.

Rachel: Ohhh! That is so sweet!

Mark: Ok, ok, I know I'm like Mr. Inappropriate today, but it's just so tough, I mean I see you walking around and I just wanna touch you and hold you, come on no one's around, just, just kiss me.

Ross: All right that's it! ! Get off, get off her!

Mark: What is going on?

Ross: You know what's going on? ! That, I'll tell you what's going on! ! Ross!

Ross: I have been down in your store for twenty minutes trying to get a tie! What do I have to do to get some service? ! Hi Rach.

Director: Ah Joey. Joey Tribbiani. Listen Joey, I I got a problem, I just got a call from my dance captain, he's having a relationship crisis and can't get out of Long Island.

Joey: So, does that mean the audition is off?

Director: Listen Joey, seeing as you've got the most experience, I want you to take these dancers and teach them the combination.

Joey: What? !

Director: Aw Joey, come on, it's easy. You know, it's hand, hand, head, head, up, Pas de bourrée, pas de bouree, big turn here, grand sissone, sissone, sissone, slide back, step, step, step, and jazz hands!

Joey: It's ah, step ity, step and jazz hands.

Director: Have fun.

Joey: Bye.

Phoebe: Hey! Hey.

Phoebe: What're you wrapping?

Monica: Oh, look what I got Julio.

Phoebe: Yeah, it's a vase.

Monica: Yeah, just like the one in the poem.

Phoebe: Yeah, well, not exactly like the one in the poem.

Monica: What do you mean?

Phoebe: Remember how you said you were really dense about poetry? Yeah.

Phoebe: Oh.

Monica: So! I'm just an empty vase, huh?

Julio: What?

Monica: You know, so I don't read as many important books as you do, and I don't write trick poems that seem to be about one thing but are actually about something else.

And you know what, I get excited about stupid stuff, like when my People magazine comes on Saturday, and the new Hold Everything catalog.

You know but that does not mean that I'm empty, you know, I care about things. I care about my friends and family. You have no right to make that kind of judgment about me. Whoa, whoa, whoa, the poem is not about you.

Monica: What?

Julio: The Empty Vase is not about you. My baby preciosa you make me so sad that you would think this.

Monica: I'm sorry, it's, my friend Phoebe's... No, it's, it's about all women. Well, all American women. You feel better now? Oh yeah.

Director: All right, let's do it!

Director: No, no, no. What was that?

Joey: I know, it's the best I could get out of 'em all right.

Director: Well, people! People, people, people.

Director: Let's try it again, and this time let's watch everybody watch Joey. Show 'em how it's done. Count it off, Mack.

Rachel: So ah, did you have fun at the bachelor party last night?

Chandler: Oh yeah, yeah! Look what I got, look what I got. See, she's fully dressed, right? Right.

Chandler: And then, and then you click it and, uh oh, she's naked. And then, and then you click it again and she's dressed.

She's a business woman, she's walking down the street, she's window shopping, and whoa whoa whoa, sh she's naked!

Ross: Hi. Hello.

Chandler: You know what, I'm, I'm gonna spend some alone time with the pen.

Ross: I'm sorry, I was an idiot.

Rachel: A big idiot.

Ross: A big idiot. Just you have to realize is, this uh, this whole Mark thing is really hard for me.

Rachel: Honey, why is it hard, we've been together for almost a year now?

Ross: Well, I was with Carol for like eight years and, I lost her. And now if it's possible I think I love you even more.

So, it's hard for me to believe that I'm not gonna, well that someone else isn't gonna take you away.

Gunther: Let it be me! Let it be me!

Rachel: Honey, that's very sweet, it just seems to me though, that if two people love each other and trust each other, like we do, there's no reason to be jealous.

Ross: I gotta get going. Bye Chandler.

Chandler: Oh, ok Ross. Listen, this pen is getting kinda boring, so can you pick me up some porn?

Rachel: Where're you going?

Ross: Oh, I've got to go pick up Ben, we've got a play date this afternoon.

Rachel: Ohh, with who?

Ross: Uh, just this woman I met last night at the party.

Rachel: There was a woman at the...The stripper? ! Yeah.

Rachel: You, you have a play date with a stripper? !

Chandler: Man, I gotta get a kid.

Ross: Ah, yeah, yeah. Umm, we started talking after she, you know, did her thing. And it turns out she's got a boy about Ben's age, so we're gonna take the kids to a Gymboree class. Why, is that ok?

Rachel: Sure, is she married? Ahh, no. Huh.

Ross: Are you jealous?

Rachel: Noo, I, you know I just don't see why she has to play with you, that's all. I mean doesn't she, you know, have any other stripper mom friends of her own?

Ross: You are totally jealous.

Rachel: Aw, I'm not jealous. All right this is about, umm, people, feeling certain things, you know, about strippers. And you know, and um, I... Honey, I love you too. Ugh. Bye.

Rachel: Wait, wait, wait.

Ross: What? Huh.

Rachel: Well, there's a kiss he won't forget for a few hours, you know.

Chandler: Yeah. Either that, or you just turned him on and sent him off to a stripper.

Rachel: All right, I'm jealous! Ross! I'm jealous!

Chandler: Oh no no Chandler please don't. Oh no no no no I beg you, if you don't Uh oh!

Man: Is there a Julio here?

Julio: I am Julio.

Man: Mister Pretentious, you think there's no one finer, well your poems are unpublished, and you work in a diner.

Quartet: You're no God's gift to women, that's all in your headdddd. You are just a butt munch. Bass Singer: No one likes a butt munch.

Quartet: And you're also bad in bedd edd edd!