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Howard, get the door!
霍华德 去开门
Why can't you get it?
你干嘛不去
You know I'm doing a bowel cleanse for my colonoscopy! I'm like an upside-down volcano here.
你知道我在为准备结肠镜检查浣肠 我这里就像个大头朝下的火山
Oh, hey. I hope you didn't hear that.
是你呀 好啊 但愿你没听到
The volcano thing? No.
火山什么的吗 没听到
What's with the T-shirt? You working at the Apple store now?
怎么穿了这么一件T恤 现在在苹果专卖店打工了吗
No, it's just something I threw on.
不是啦 就是随便穿的
I know all your shirts. That's not one of them...
你的衣服我都认得 你没这件
You were pretending to work at the Genius Bar to pick up women, weren't you?
你假装在天才咨询吧工作借机泡妞是不是
Yeah. Turns out, they guard the iPods, but they don't guard the shirts.
是 我发现原来他们只管看着iPod没人管这些T恤
So, how'd it go?
那成果如何
It was going well. I was showing this super hot girl how to boot up in Safe Mode.
本来挺顺利的 我给个辣妹展示怎样从安全模式启动
The manager got suspicious, and, well, long story short, they really do have a little jail in the Mall.
经理起了疑心 长话短说吧 那商场里真的有个小号房
Just FYI, don't try to go back with a fake mustache. I mean, they may not really be geniuses, but they see right through that.
听哥句劝 千万别贴上假胡子接着回去装 他们虽然不天才却能立马看出你是装的
I want to invoke the girlfriend pact, Howard.
我申请调用女友约定 霍华德
You that desperate?
你这么饥渴
No, I just... I want what you have. You know, I want a woman in my life.
也不是 我就是想像你一样 你懂的 身边有个女人
Holy Moses, how much liquid can be in one tokus?
天呐 菊花到底能灌进多少液体啊
To be clear, I meant like Bernadette, not your mother.
明确一下 我说的是伯纳黛特不是你妈
Yeah, I know what you mean.
我明白你的意思
Well, I'm off to meet Bernadette's friend. How do I look?
我要去见伯纳黛特的朋友了 我看起来咋样
As if one of the plants from Invasion of the Body Snatchers duplicated you in every way, only with an absurd amount of hair gel.
就好像《人体异形》里某植物复制出来的你 不过是海量发胶版的
What are you working on?
你在干嘛呢
I'm removing my digital footprint from the Internet so Amy Farrah Fowler can't find me and compel me to meet her mother. Ah.
我在清除我的网络足迹 这样艾米·菲拉·福勒就找不到我了 也就没法逼我见她妈了
You're going off the grid. Exactly.
你是在玩儿失踪啊 正解
The old Unabomber approach. Kudos.
早年炸弹客的做法啊 不错嘛 16岁进哈佛 25岁成伯克利教授后隐居邮寄炸弹
Thank you. I've also sent Amy a relationship termination notice and changed my cell phone number and e-mail address.
谢谢 发给了艾米一封关系终止通知并更换了手机号和邮箱地址
What if she just comes over?
她直接过来怎么办
She'll get lost. We no longer live at 2311 Los Robles. We now live at 311 Los Robles.
她找不到的 已经不住Los Robles 2311号了 我们的现住址是Los Robles 311号
You changed the address on the building? What about mail?
你把门牌号给改了 信件怎么办
Oh, no worries—I explained my predicament to our letter carrier. He was sympathetic. His exact words were: "Got your back, Jack.Bitches be crazy. "
放心吧 我跟咱的邮差解释了我当前的囧境 他很是同情 他的原话是 哥们挺你 兄弟 妞儿们都疯了
Who is it? Amy Farrah Fowler. Darn! She found me!
谁啊 艾米·菲拉·福勒 我去 被她逮到了
She's been here before.
她来过这里好不好
The only flaw in an otherwise perfect plan. Now, get my back, Jack.
智者千虑必有一失 现在你得挺我 兄弟
What do you want to do?
你想让我怎么办
Tell her I'm not here.
跟她说我不在
Okay, where are you?
那你在哪儿
I don't know. You'll have to devise a scenario that plausibly explains my absence, keeping in mind that the key to a good lie lies in the details.
不知道 你得自己设计个情节合理地解释我的不在场 要记得 说谎的秘诀在于善于编织细节
Hi, Amy. Sheldon's not here. All right.
你好啊 艾米 谢尔顿不在 好吧
Way to go on the details.
细节编织得可真到位呀
Thanks again for doing this, Bernadette.
再次感谢你帮我 伯纳黛特
Oh, I take pacts very seriously.
我向来恪守约定
One time at my lab, a petri dish of genetically modified super-virus went missing.
有一次在实验室 一个转基因超级病毒培养皿不见了
That day we made a pinky swear never to admit we crossed Ebola with the common cold.
那天我们都拉钩发誓绝不承认我们曾让埃博拉病毒和伤寒病毒结合
Why the hell would you cross Ebola with the common cold?
你们为什么要让埃博拉病毒和伤寒病毒结合
We never did. That would be a terrible, terrible thing.
我们没有啊 那样就太可怕了
Hi. Sorry I'm late—I was at the gym. Spin class-worked up quite a sweat.
大家好 抱歉迟到了 我从健身房来 动感训练课 真出了不少汗呢
Joy, this is Leonard. Leonard, this is Joy.
乔伊 这是莱纳德 莱纳德 这是乔伊
Hi. Hi. You don't look like a genius. Go ahead, say something smart.
好啊 好 你真没有天才相 来 说点有才的给姐听听
Uh... Aah! Time's up. Just kidding. First thing you need to know about me: I'm hilarious.
啊哈 时间到 开玩笑啦 你需要了解我的第一件事就是 我超搞笑的
Yeah. So, Bernadette tells me she knows you from self-defense classes?
看出来了 伯纳黛特告诉我你们是在自卫课上认识的
Yeah. Israeli Krav Maga. Lots of fun. Basically, a hundred different ways to rip a guy's nuts off.
没错 以色列格斗术 可好玩了 基本上是学了一百种不同的扯下男人蛋蛋的方式
Wow. Wouldn't think there'd be that many. Number 42! Whoa!
天呐 没想到这么多啊 四十二招 天呐
Isn't she a pip?
多可爱的姑娘啊
Proxima Centauri's the nearest star. The celestial bodies that follow are Alpha Centauri A, Toli, Barnard's Star, Wolf 359...
伯纳德星 沃尔夫359星
Lalande 21185, Sirius A, Sirius B, BL-Ceti, UV-Ceti, Ross 154... Ross 248... Epsilon Eridani, Lac-9352, Ross 128, Procyon A... Oh, darn, that's wrong!
鲸鱼座BL星 鲸鱼座UV星 罗斯154星 罗斯248星 天苑四星 拉卡伊9352星 罗斯128星 南河三A 见鬼 错了
EZ Aquarii A, EZ Aquarii B, EZ Aquarii C, Procy on A. Those are the stars that are nearest to me. Tra-la-la and fiddle-dee-dee.
宝瓶座鲁坦星A 宝瓶座鲁坦星B 宝瓶座鲁坦星C 南河三A 这些是离我最近的恒星 一闪一闪那么地亮晶晶
Oh, dear. They really do be crazy.
天呐 妞儿们真是疯了
This lobster's good on the way down and the way up.
这龙虾口感十足也回味无穷啊
Should be—it's $30 a pound.
应该的 一磅要30大洋呢
Hey, this is a date, right? Yep, it is.
这算是约会吧 没错
73! Excuse me, I have to go to the little girls' room... and take a wicked whiz.
第73招 不好意思 我要去一下洗手间好好地通体舒畅一下
I'll go with you.
我也一起去
Fair warning—I had the asparagus. My pea is gonna stink up the place.
友情提醒 我刚吃了芦笋 我排泄出来的芦笋宝宝们会让这地方臭气熏天
I think she likes you.
我觉得她喜欢你耶
EZ Aquarii B... EZ Aquarii C...
宝瓶座鲁坦星B 宝瓶座鲁坦星C
Excuse me, madam.
借过一下 女士
Sheldon? Rats!I believe a misunderstanding may have occurred when I asked you to meet my mother.
谢尔顿 靠 我请你去见我母亲这事 我想你可能有点误会
No misunderstanding. I've learned what that request actually means, and I don't want to be joined to another object by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis.
我没误会 我了解到那个要求意味着什么 我不想变成一个斜面绕轴螺旋状转上几圈之后的样子
In what way are you screwed? All I want to do is present you as my boyfriend to my mother so she'll be satisfied that I'm in a relationship.
谁说你完蛋了 我只是想把你当作男友介绍给我妈让她相信我在恋爱 好让她放心
So we'd be perpetrating a ruse? Precisely.
这么说我们是要做戏咯 一点没错
And you haven't fallen hopelessly in love with me?
你没有无可救药地爱上我吗
Don't be absurd. I find the notion of romantic love to be an unnecessary cultural construct that no value to human relationships.
别傻了 在我看来 爱情关系是种毫无必要的文化构造 对人类关系毫无价值可言
Amy Farrah Fowler, that's the most pragmatic thing anyone has ever said to me.
艾米·菲拉·福勒 这是我听过的 最务实的话了
I trust this clarification allows us to return to boy-slash-friend-slash-girl-slash-friend status.
既然误会已经澄清了 我们该回到男性朋友和女性朋友关系了吧
Of course. Would you like to join me for Chinese food?
当然 想和我一起去吃中餐么
Sheldon, please, you're suffocating me. My apologies.
拜托 谢尔顿 别逼我 不好意思
Good night, Amy. Good night, Sheldon.
晚安 艾米 晚安 谢尔顿
Come on, just give her a chance. Maybe she'll grow on you.
别这样 给她个机会 也许你会慢慢喜欢上她
or maybe she'll finally succeed in ripping my nuts off. There are still 93 ways she hasn't tried yet.
也可能她最终成功扯下了我的蛋蛋 毕竟还有93种办法她没尝试过呢
Look, H-Howard, I appreciate the effort, but this is, like, the worst date of my life. Seriously?
听着 霍华德 谢谢你的好意 但这是我经历过的最烂一次约会了 真的假的
I was once robbed by a pre-op transsexual I met on J-Date, and that didn't even crack my top ten.
我被个在犹太交友网上的准变性人给抢了 这种约会甚至都排不进我的最烂前十
I guess the difference is, I have some self-respect.
我觉得区别在于我懂得自重
Not that I've ever seen.
我怎么不记得你有
It's relatively new. I just know that I'm not gonna spend time with someone I don't like simply to have a girlfriend. I'm okay on my own.
最近才有的 我只是认识到 我不想就为了能有个女友而和不喜欢的女生在一起 我一个人也挺好
Good news—I made lots of room for dessert.
好消息 我的胃腾够空间来吃甜食了
Look, uh, Joy, it was nice to meet you, but...
听着 乔伊 很高兴认识你 但...
Yeah, you, too. Hey, you got anything for next weekend?
我也是 你下周末有空么
I need a date for my cousin's wedding.
我表兄结婚 我要带个伴去
You're asking me out?
你在约我出去吗
Yeah. And it's an open bar, so I'll probably be giving it away.
是啊 酒啊什么的免费畅饮哦 说不定可以酒后那什么一下
I look forward to it.
我很期待
It's nice to meet you, too, Sheldon.
我也很高兴认识你 谢尔顿
I honestly didn't believe Amy when she told me she had a boyfriend.
艾米告诉我她有个男友时我真的难以置信
I assure you I'm quite real and I'm having regular intercourse with your daughter.
我向你保证 我是有血有肉的真人 我和你女儿有着常规性交行为
What? Oh, yes. We're like wild animals in heat. It's a wonder neither of us has been hurt.
啥 是的 我们就如同发情期的野生动物 我们居然还完好无损 真是奇迹
Amy... what is he saying?
艾米 他在说什么
You wanted me to have a boyfriend, Mother. Well, here he is.
你希望我交个男友 妈妈 这就是我的男友
Have to sign off now. My hunger for Sheldon is stirring in my loins.
现在我得下线了 我对谢尔顿的欲望已让我的花径颤抖
Oh, yes, it's time for me to make love to your daughter's vagina.
是的 我是时候该去你女儿的阴道里做爱一番了
Thank you, Sheldon, that went very well. Agreed.
多谢 谢尔顿 效果不错 同感
Amy, I find myself wondering if we should actually engage in coitus at least one time in our relationship. Bazinga.
艾米 我禁不住这样想 我们在交往过程中至少该真的性交一次试试 逗你玩
Bedtime. Please show yourself out.
该睡觉了 你也该走了
