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This is an easy one. You love this guy. Me.
这题很简单。你很喜欢他。我自己。
Come on. He's an underappreciated genius.
不是，他是个不够受人敬仰的天才。
Still think it's me.
依然觉得是我自己。
It's not you. Now think, there's a car named after him.
不是你。再想想，有车以他的名字命名。
Of course there is. The Mini Cooper 'cause it's me.
当然有啦。迷你"库伯"嘛，因为答案就是我。
How about this: he's a poor man's Sheldon Cooper. Oh, Tesla.
我换个方式说：他是降级版的谢尔顿?库伯。特斯拉。
Hey. Hi. How'd it go? Oh, not fun. The doctor shoved a camera up into my sinuses.
好啊。好啊。怎么样？惨啊。医生把一个摄像头塞进了我的鼻窦。
Yeah, I watched. It was like the scary boat tunnel in Willy Wonka.
我看了。像《查理与巧克力工厂》里那段吓人的船游。
Did they figure out what's wrong?
查出是什么问题了吗？
Yeah. It's a deviated septum. The surgery to correct it is simple. He's gonna do it next week.
查出了，是鼻中隔偏曲。矫正手术很简单，医生下周给我做。
Why would you have surgery? Because I can't breathe.
你为什么要做手术？因为我呼吸不顺。
I snore, I get sinus infections...Yeah, back off, he's all mine.
打呼，还会鼻窦发炎...滚开，这"抢手货"是我的。
But you don't have a life-threatening condition. Why would you take the risk of surgery?
但这又不是有生命危险的毛病，你为什么要以身犯险做手术呢？
Sheldon, it's a routine procedure. I've heard you complain about his snoring.
谢尔顿，这只是常规手术。我也听你抱怨过他打呼很大声啊。
We...Yes, for the first five or six years, but I've gotten used to it. It helps me sleep. He's like my mucus-powered white noise machine.
是啊，同住的头五六年是这样的，但我都已经慢慢习惯了。而且还能助我入眠呢。他就像我的鼻黏液动力助眠仪。
Sheldon, I'm gonna get the surgery, it's no big deal. End of story.
谢尔顿，我要做这个手术，不用大惊小怪。不必多说了。
Very well. I'm done talking about it. Thank you.
行，那我也不多说了。谢谢。
I believe it was your turn in the game. Okay.
我记得现在是轮到你猜了吧。好的。
Let's see...Oh, this person is most famous for never having gotten his nose mutilated with elective surgery and never living the rest of his life in the shadows as a hideous, disfigured freak.
我想想...这个人最出名的，就是绝不会让鼻子接受非必要手术的残害，更不会让自己下半辈子活在丑陋畸形的妖怪阴影之下。
I think you could give a better clue.
我觉得你能给出更好的提示。
I don't. I'm not even sure if that's a person or a typo.
给不出啊。我都不知道那是人名，还是打错字。
Okay, why? I'm listening to you snore. I'm wondering how I'll ever sleep without it.
能告诉我为什么吗？我来听你打呼啊。我在想日后听不见了，该如何入眠。
If it helps you sleep, then why are you sitting here staring at me like the albino boogeyman?
如果能助你入眠，那你为什么还坐在这里盯着我？像个白化症版的夜魔鬼。
Really, Leonard-- insults? After I spent two hours in your closet, waiting for you to fall asleep?
莱纳德，羞辱我你忍心吗？为了等你睡着，我可是在你衣柜里蹲点了两个小时呢。
What's your problem?
你到底要干什么？
If the surgery is successful, the snoring is gone. And if you die during surgery the snoring is gone.
如果手术成功了，打呼会消失。但如果你手术台上死了，打呼也会消失。
It sounds like either way, I finally get some rest.
所以无论如何，你都不会来烦我了。
I have to be honest with you Leonard, I'm truly worried.
莱纳德，我实话告诉你，我真的很担心。
I I told you, there's nothing to worry about.
我跟你说了，没什么好担心的。
Well, I've been doing some research and I've learned that one in 700,000 people die from general anesthesia.
我去查了些资料，每70万做全身麻醉的人中就有1人死亡呢。
Buddy, w...Do you realize that also means 699,999 people don't die?
兄弟，那你知道这就代表有另外69万9千9百99人没死吗？
I suppose that's true. You're such a glass half-full kind of guy. I'm going to miss that.
你说得也没错。你真是个乐观的人啊。我会缅怀你的乐观的。
Oh, so, my, uh, parents' 40th anniversary's coming up and I can't think of a thing to get them.
我爸妈的结婚40周年纪念日快到了，我想不出该送他们什么。
Damn, can you imagine being married to someone for 40 years?
靠，你能想像跟一个人结婚40年之久吗？
Not anymore. Anyway, any ideas on a gift?
想像不到了。所以，有什么礼物推荐吗？
Well, what are some of the things they like?
他们平常喜欢些什么呢？
They used to like going to the Mumbai Symphony, but last year my mom thought they were phoning it in. Then my dad said based on their love life, she should know about phoning it in.
他们以前喜欢去听孟买交响乐团。去年时，我妈觉得他们只是在瞎糊弄。我爸说从性生活来看，我妈的确是很懂"瞎糊弄"。
He said that to her? Well, they weren't speaking at the time, so he had a servant say it to her.
你爸这么跟你妈说话啊？当时他俩在冷战，所以他让下人去跟她说的。
Oh, maybe I could make a gift for them. I know how much you guys love the coasters I made for you.
或许我能给他俩亲手做个礼物。我知道你们俩非常喜欢我给你们做的杯垫。
They're yours in the divorce.
如果离婚了，杯垫归你。
Hey. What're you working on?
在研究什么呢？
Remember when I said if you went through with your surgery, there was a one-in-700,000 chance of dying?
还记得我跟你说，如果你去做手术你有70万分之1的几率死亡吗？
Yeah...?
然后呢？
Well, I've been crunching the numbers, and so far, I've gotten your probability of death all the way to a sphincter-tightening one in 300.
我研究了数据，目前我已经把你做手术的死亡率提高到了让菊花一紧的300分之1了。
Great timing. My "Check sphincter" light just went on.
说得真是时候。我的"检查菊花"灯刚好亮了呢。
Leonard, what if you have an allergic reaction to the surgeon's latex gloves? I'm not allergic to latex.
莱纳德，要是你对外科医生的乳胶手套产生过敏反应怎么办？我对乳胶不过敏。
Well, then why don't you wear the rubber gloves I bought for you to do the dishes?
那你为什么不戴我给你买的洗碗用橡胶手套？
For the same reason I don't wear the apron or the hair net.
跟我不穿围裙不戴发网的理由一样。
Fine. What about epilepsy? I don't have epilepsy, either.
好吧。那癫痫呢？我也没有癫痫。
You don't, but the surgeon might, hmm? And your carotid artery is just one shaky scalpel away from becoming the dancing fountain at Disneyland.
你是没有，但手术医生可能有啊。只有手术刀稍微拿不稳，你的颈动脉就立刻变成迪士尼的跳舞喷泉。
Sheldon, do you realize that driving is riskier than surgery?
谢尔顿，你知道开车比做手术更危险吗？
I do. I have the drive to the hospital right here. That is if you make it to the car without falling down the stairs. And don't expect me to carry you, I do that enough in life.
我知道。开车去医院的命丧几率在这呢。前提是你能顺利上车，没有掉下楼梯摔死。别指望我背你，我平常够罩着你了。
Buddy, I I get that you're worried about me and I I appreciate that, but I'm not going to die.
伙计，我知道你是担心我，我很谢谢你的好意。但我不会死的。
You don't know that.
你又不知道。
I do know that it won't be from an asteroid strike.
我肯定知道我不会死于小行星撞地球。
You know who else said that? Every cocky T.Rex currently swimming around in the gas tank of your car.
你知道谁还这么说过吗？每头自认天下无敌的霸王龙。早化成石油在你汽车油箱里游泳呢。
I If there was an asteroid strike, wouldn't you die, too?
如果真有小行星撞地球，那你不也会死吗？
I don't know. I'm smart and scrappy, I think I'd find a way.
那可不好说。我又聪明生命力又强，我觉得我会活下去。
Tell you what, the surgery's not for a week, I'll think about it.
这样吧，离手术还有一周时间，我再好好考虑一下。
Thank you. And while you're thinking about it, if you have the surgery in Nicaragua during monsoon season, I can practically guarantee your death.
谢谢。你考虑的时候不妨想想，如果你暴雨季节在尼加拉瓜做手术，我可以打包票你必死无疑。
Yes. Okay. I I understand. Of course, yes. I'll call you tomorrow. Bye.
是，好的。我明白。当然，是的。我明天打给你。再见。
So I found this fencing school in Burbank that has a Jedi class. And if you're cool being the only adults there, they said they are.
我发现伯班克市有一个击剑学校开有绝地武士教学班。如果你不介意是那个班里唯一的大人，那他们很乐意接收你。
Dude, my parents just split up. What? !
兄弟，我的父母刚离婚了。什么？！
Uh, that was my dad on the phone. He moved out.
刚才是我爸的电话。他搬出去了。
Oh, my God, I...I'm sorry. I mean, if you're not up to it, we don't have to go out, we can just hang here.
天啊，我很遗憾。如果你不想去，我们可以不出去，待在家里也行。
No, it's fine. It's not that big a deal. As long as they're happy, I'm happy.
没关系。没什么大不了的。只要他们开心，我就开心。
And when I get to see them for the holidays, I'll get to celebrate Diwali twice-- one at each house. That's double the Diwali.
等我节假日回去看他们时，我得过两次印度排灯节。一人家里过一次。那就变成了"双"排灯节。
You sure you're okay? I'm okay.
你确定没事吗？没事。
You don't look okay. How can I be okay? I come from a broken home.
你看起来可不像。怎么可能会没事？我是一个家庭破碎的小孩。
The doctor said I should be out of surgery by 10:00.
医生说10点我手术就做完了。
Okay. And Sheldon really believes we're at a public swimming pool?
好的。谢尔顿真的会相信我们去公共泳池游泳了吗？
He was so busy figuring out how many parts per million of urine we'd be floating around in, he didn't even question it.
他肯定会忙着算我们泡在含百万分之多少的尿液里，没空起疑心。
18 parts per million. And he's still doing it.
百万分之18。他仍执意要去。
Don't worry about that. I'm happy to take you to work.
别管他们啦。我很开心能载你去上班。
Well, thank you. And Leonard never lets me have French toast sticks in the car. I can't have syrupy fingers, but he can do the backstroke in a toilet bowl.
谢谢你。莱纳德从来不准我在车里吃法式吐司条。我不能有沾上糖浆的手指，但他却能在马桶里仰泳。
It's nice they're getting exercise.
他们锻炼身体也是好事啊。
Although now that I think about it, Leonard would never go swimming in public without his swim shirt.
现在仔细想想，莱纳德去公共场合游泳时，一定会穿上他的游泳衣。
I'm sure he brought it.
他肯定带了。
No, but last year, at Magic Mountain, he got such a bad sunburn, we had to cut him out of it.
不可能，去年在魔术山游乐场他严重晒伤，得把泳衣剪掉才能脱下来。
He probably got a new one. Finish your breakfast. Look, there's an entire section of my dashboard that doesn't have any syrup on it.
他可能买了新的。快吃你的早餐。瞧，我仪表板上还有一整块区域没有糖浆呢，快去乱沾。
You're acting odd. Why?
你举止好奇怪。怎么了？
I'm odd all the time, everyone knows that. Just last night, I tried to see how many fava beans I could fit in my mouth.
我向来举止古怪，每个人都知道。昨晚我还往自己嘴里塞蚕豆试试到底能塞多少颗呢。
Tell me the truth. 28.
告诉我实话。28颗。
Come on. Fifty-six. Amy! What's going on?
老实点。其实是56颗啦。艾米！到底怎么回事？
All right. Don't get upset, but...an earlier appointment opened up for Leonard and he's getting the surgery right now.
好吧。别生气哦，莱纳德得到一个提前做手术的机会，现在他应该在做手术中呢。
I see. Take me to Leonard. Just go to work, he'll be fine.
我明白了。载我去找莱纳德。你就乖乖上班吧，他会没事的。
Amy, he's my best friend, and if you don't take me, I'm going there anyway.
艾米，他是我最好的朋友，就算你不载我去，我也一定会去。
Fine. It's sweet that you care about him so much.
好吧。你真是位好朋友，这么关心他。
I do. And I wouldn't be able to forgive myself, if something happened to him and I wasn't at his bedside to say, "I told you so."
没错。万一他有什么不测，而我没在他床边跟他说 "我就说吧。"我一定无法原谅自己。
