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Go, Max, I'm running out of oxygen, and I think there was cheese in here. And action.
继续拍，麦克斯，我快不能呼吸了，而且我觉得袋子里有残留的芝士。开拍。
If I achieve my goal -- specifically, a new pair of quality pants,
如果我能达到目标，尤其是能凑够钱买一条高品质的裤子，
then I promise I will give back to the community, wearing said pants. All I need is $1,500.
我答应大家，我一定会穿着那条裤子去回报社会。我只需募集一千五百美元。
Stop! Whoa! $1,500? How many pounds of clothes are you getting?
停！什么！一千五？你要买多少磅的衣服呀？
Look, it's for one pair of amazing Dries Van Noten silk brocade pants -- super cute.
听着，这是一条德赖斯·范诺顿设计的丝织锦缎裤的价格，超级好看的哦。
And, yes, it's a lot, but my investors will get something in return.
没错，这笔钱是不少，但我的投资者会得到相应的回报。
For $5, they will get the feeling of goodwill in their heart.
只要捐出5块钱，他们的内心将充满善意的喜悦。
For $10, I'll send them a selfie in the new pants that they bought.
捐出10块钱，我会送他们我穿着新裤子拍的自拍照。
For $20, I'll send them a selfie without pants.
捐20块的，我会送他们不穿裤子的自拍照。
Nobody is gonna give you money for the stuff you offered.
没有人会因为你所谓的"回报"白给你钱。
"Goodwill in their hearts"? This is the internet. We're animals.
"内心充满善意的喜悦"。拜托，现在是互联网世界。人们都是衣冠禽兽。
You're right. I have an idea. Camera up. And action.
你说得对。我想到个主意。打开相机。开拍。
I'm sure a lot of you are probably thinking, "Look at this spoiled, indulgent, clueless girl."
我知道你们大多数人会觉得，"看这个被宠坏任性没大脑的蠢妞"。
Well, I am.
没错，我是这样想的。
And you're also probably thinking, "God, I want to slap her."
而且你们甚至还会产生，"天啊，真想冲上去给她一巴掌"的想法。
Well, guess what. You can!
如你所愿，这个还真可以有！
For $500, you can come here and slap my spoiled, clueless face.
只要捐出500块，你就可以亲自上门，往我宠坏白痴的脸上使劲甩一巴掌。
And cut. Pretty good, huh?
停。很不错吧。
Genius. Now, here, take the camera. I want to film my video to raise $500 to slap you.
太有想法了。来，现在换你拿相机。我要拍一个募集500块甩你耳光的短片。
