Matt Lauer: A new book explains why girls feel the pressure more than boys, it is called "stressed-out girls - helping them thrive in the age of pressure",the author is psychologist Roni Cohen-Sandler. Roni, good morning. Good to see you.

Roni Cohen-Sandler: Thank you!

Matt Lauer: I…I,I usually hate to start by saying, let me play devil's ad to keep it,(devil's advocate唱反调的人)/ Let me, let me play it for a second,(Sure.) when I was a kid, I thought it need to be good in soccer,in baseball,and to look good, and wear the right clothes,and be popular, and do well academically, so why is it harder for girls than boys ?

Roni Cohen-Sandler: Well, it's true,it's true, Matt, that boys academically want to succeed just as much as girls,but there are two issues ,one is that girls face such more intense social pressures during middle school and high school. You know, they want to be seen as looking good ,and especially they have issues about body-image appearance that boys don't have. For example,girls that I spoke to, for this book,they told me about waking up early in the morning ,sometimes an hour or more,to blow dry their hair,to put make-up on,to make sure that their make-up wasn't too much or too little,and especially to pick out their out-fits,because they know that what they wear will say something very important about them.

Matt Lauer: You've surveyed, I think, 3000 girls for this book, and you talk ( and some boys) , and some boys, you talk about the fact that girls tend to view their or experience their relationships in a different way than boys do, explain that.

Roni Cohen-Sandler: Well, they care so much about their relationships. How their relationships are going well,( We're talking friendships here),every kind of relationship( right), um, their relationship with teachers, their relationship with parents, their relationships with their peers. And in fact, unless they feel like their relationships are going well, Matt ,they can't feel sucessful, boys are much more likely to slough it off, but for girls they go through their school day much differently, thinking about how their relationships are going.

Matt Lauer:Th, this needs to feel extraordinary ,(Yes.)or to,to be extraordinary in so many different areas of their lives. More extraordinary than boys apparently they feel they have to be,how does that impact their personalities with that,the weight on their shoulder?

Roni Cohen-Sandler: Well,they think that they have to be great in everything, and of course ,they have limitations. And when they have limitations ,they feel like they can't, they can't please people.They feel like they are just not good enough, that their best isn't good enough, and they end up feeling terrible about themselves, and sometimes they give up, they start feeling like they're hopeless and not trying this hard.

Matt Lauer: Let's talk about some things that parents can do some signs and some advice(sure),look for signs of hidden stress, not obvious stress.

Roni Cohen-Sandler: Right, the girls tend to keep their stress in ,because they want to please people.so ,you know, every ,every girl, for example, is going to be irritable and tired sometimes, but the key is if it becomes a pattern or she suddenly starts saying she hates school or complains about certain teachers, parents should really think about the fact that maybe something stressful is going on.

Matt Lauer: Help create a sensible schedule, big peppy, that I think so many kids are over-scheduled ,(huge)you got to create downtime.

Roni Cohen-Sandler: Absolutely,and parents need to be the voice of reason here, I suggest no more than once work per season, that they make sure that their daughters have at least one free period during the school day, and especially they have a couple of days after school. They just rest and relax, relax and rest, and have downtime .

Matt Lauer: All right. So, and also help develop tangible goals, and I would imagine that wouldn't be: get straight-As,(no,um)or you've got to get 1600 on your SATs, what are tangible goals?

Roni Cohen-Sandler: Tangible goals are: do your homework at night before you go to bed instead of trying to do it in the morning before a class or read over your papers before you hand them in, so you don't make careless mistakes, or read your textbooks again before you take a big test for example.

Matt Lauer: Give it your best effort,but don't worry about the results as much.

Roni Cohen-Sandler: Absolutely!

Matt Lauer: That's good advice and the last one of course : don't be afraid to make mistakes.

Roni Cohen-Sandler: For sure.

Matt Lauer: Roni, thanks so much. Good to have you here.

Roni Cohen-Sandler: Thanks for having me.