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and you need to fold the worst events of your life
你必须把生命中最糟糕的时间，
into a narrative of triumph,
揉搓成胜利的故事，
evincing a better self
用更好的自己
in response to things that hurt.
来还击能伤害你的事物。
One of the other mothers I interviewed
我在写我的书时，
when I was working on my book
访问了一位母亲，
had been raped as an adolescent,
她年少时被强奸，
and had a child following that rape,
而在那之后她怀了孩子，
which had thrown away her career plans
这摧毁了她的事业计划
and damaged all of her emotional relationships.
也使她的情感关系受创。
But when I met her, she was 50,
当我遇见她时，她已经50岁了，
and I said to her,
我问她，
"Do you often think about the man who raped you?"
“你常想起那个强奸你的男人吗？”
And she said, "I used to think about him with anger,
而她回答道：“我曾经对他很气愤，
but now only with pity."
但现在只有怜悯。”
And I thought she meant pity because he was
我以为她所说的怜悯是因为
so unevolved as to have done this terrible thing.
只有粗鄙的男人才能做出如此不堪的事情。
And I said, "Pity?"
我问她：“怜悯？”
And she said, "Yes,
她回答到：“是的，
because he has a beautiful daughter
因为他有一个美丽的女儿
and two beautiful grandchildren
和两个美丽的孙子孙女
and he doesn't know that, and I do.
但他并不知道，而我知道。
So as it turns out, I'm the lucky one."
所以显然，我是幸运的。”
Some of our struggles are things we're born to:
有些挣扎是先天的：
our gender, our sexuality, our race, our disability.
我们的性别，性倾向，种族，残疾。
And some are things that happen to us:
有些是后天发生的事情：
being a political prisoner, being a rape victim,
成为政治犯，成为强奸的受害者，
being a Katrina survivor.
成为飓风卡特里娜的幸存者。
Identity involves entering a community
身份意味着进入一个社群
to draw strength from that community,
从社群中得到力量，
and to give strength there too.
并同时给予那社群力量。
It involves substituting "and" for "but" --
这需要把“但是”转换成“而且”
not "I am here but I have cancer,"
不是“我在这儿但是我有癌症”
but rather, "I have cancer and I am here."
而是，“我有癌症而且我在这里。”
When we're ashamed,
当我们对自己感到惭愧，
we can't tell our stories,
我们就无法阐述自己的故事，
and stories are the foundation of identity.
而故事是身份的基础。
Forge meaning, build identity,
铸造意义，建立身份，
forge meaning and build identity.
铸造意义并建立身份，
That became my mantra.
这变成了我的口头禅。
Forging meaning is about changing yourself.
铸造意义所需要的是改变自己。
Building identity is about changing the world.
建立身份所需要的是改变世界。
All of us with stigmatized identities
所有像我这样身份沾有污点的人
face this question daily:
每天都必须面对这个问题：
how much to accommodate society
我该多大限度地通过禁锢自己
by constraining ourselves,
来迁就社会
and how much to break the limits
我该多大限度地打破所谓
of what constitutes a valid life?
正确生活的底线？
Forging meaning and building identity
铸造意义和建立身份
does not make what was wrong right.
不会把错的变成对的。
It only makes what was wrong precious.
只会把错误的变得珍贵。
In January of this year,
今年一月，
I went to Myanmar to interview political prisoners,
我前往缅甸访问政治囚犯，
and I was surprised to find them less bitter
而我惊讶地发现他们
than I'd anticipated.
没有我想象中的那么怀恨。
Most of them had knowingly committed
他们大多在知情的情况下
the offenses that landed them in prison,
犯下了让他们入狱的罪行，
and they had walked in with their heads held high,
而他们昂首挺胸地走入监狱，
and they walked out with their heads
多年后，他们依然昂首
still held high, many years later.
地走出监狱。
