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It's worth mentioning though
我需要澄清一下
that I didn't hate my body or my genitalia.
我不讨厌我的身体或性别。
I didn't feel like I was in the wrong body.
我没觉得我投错了胎。
I felt like I was performing this elaborate act.
我只是觉得这是一场精心的演出。
I wouldn't have qualified as transgender.
我不会真的去变性
If my family, though, had been the kind of people to believe in therapy,
我的家人他们或许会认为我的性别趋向畸形，
they probably would have diagnosed me
或许给我注射激素
as something like gender dysmorphic
以避免“青春期的困扰”。
and put me on hormones to stave off puberty.
但是我并没有被归为变性者。
But in my particular case,
在我这个特殊的案例中，
I just woke up one day when I was 14,
我在14岁的时候突然的觉醒了，
and I decided that I wanted to be a girl again.
决定重新做回姑娘。
Puberty had hit, and I had no idea what being a girl meant,
青春期的困扰来了，我不知道这个决定意味着什么，
and I was ready to figure out who I actually was.
但是我想找到真正的自我。
When a kid behaves like I did,
像我这样（女扮男装）的孩子，
they don't exactly have to come out, right?
其实用不着宣布出柜的，对吧
No one is exactly shocked.
没有人觉得意外。
But I wasn't asked to define myself by my parents.
但是我的父母并没有要求我给自己归类。
When I was 15, and I called my father
在我15岁的时候，我给爸爸打电话
to tell him that I had fallen in love,
告诉他我恋爱了
it was the last thing on either of our minds
这是我们最后一次
to discuss what the consequences were
讨论喜欢上一个女孩子
of the fact that my first love was a girl.
可能带来的后果。
Three years later, when I fell in love with a man,
三年后当我爱上一个男人时，
neither of my parents batted an eyelash either.
我的父母眼皮都没眨一下。
See, it's one of the great blessings of my very unorthodox childhood
瞧，在我离经叛道的童年经历中最大的幸运，
that I wasn't ever asked to define myself
就是我从来没有被要求把自己
as any one thing at any point.
归为某个确定的类别。
I was just allowed to be me, growing and changing in every moment.
我能够自由的做自己，成长，并随时改变自己。
So four, almost five years ago,
所以大概四五年前，
Proposition 8, the great marriage equality debate,
关于同性恋婚姻合法化第八号提案
was raising a lot of dust around this country.
在美国引起了巨大的关注。
And at the time, getting married wasn't really something
那个时候我还没有花太多时间
I spent a lot of time thinking about.
考虑结婚的问题。
But I was struck by the fact that America,
但是让我震惊的是，
a country with such a tarnished civil rights record,
有着那样不堪的人权历史的美国，
could be repeating its mistakes so blatantly.
竟然又一次公然的重复自己的错误。
And I remember watching the discussion on television
我还记得在电视上看到人们的辩论时，
and thinking how interesting it was
觉得多么的好玩：
that the separation of church and state
宗教之间和州之间的差异
was essentially drawing geographical boundaries throughout this country,
使得国家被划出一条地理上的界限，
between places where people believed in it
这边的人们持赞成观点，
and places where people didn't.
那边的人持反对态度。
And then, that this discussion was drawing geographical boundaries around me.
然后我发现这些讨论使得我也需要进行站队。
If this was a war with two disparate sides,
如果这是两方相互对立的战争，
I, by default, fell on team gay,
我应该归为同性恋这一边，
because I certainly wasn't 100 percent straight.
因为我显然不是百分之百“直”的（异性恋）。
At the time I was just beginning to emerge
那个时候我刚刚跌跌撞撞的
from this eight-year personal identity crisis zigzag
从八年的自我认同危机中走出来，
that saw me go from being a boy
从一个男孩，
to being this awkward girl that looked like a boy in girl's clothes
从一个穿着女孩子衣服但是像男孩子的女孩子，
to the opposite extreme of this super skimpy,
到一个超级性感、过度补偿的、超有女人味的
over-compensating, boy-chasing girly-girl
男孩子梦寐以求的女孩子，
to finally just a hesitant exploration of what I actually was,
到现在最终发现了真实的自己，一个
a tomboyish girl
男孩子气的女孩，
who liked both boys and girls depending on the person.
喜欢某些男孩也喜欢某些女孩。
