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Many people have harmed me in my life, and I remember them all,
我这一生被许多人伤害过，而且我都记得
but the memories grow pale and faint in comparison with the people who've helped me.
但相较于受人恩惠，那些不堪回首的事就显得依稀模糊了
The fellow survivors, the fellow voice-hearers, the comrades and collaborators;
那些同病相怜的过来人、朋友和伙伴
the mother who never gave up on me,
还有对我从未放弃希望的母亲
who knew that one day I would come back to her
她知道女儿总有一天会恢复
and was willing to wait for me for as long as it took;
而她愿意一直等下去
the doctor who only worked with me for a brief time
那位和我萍水相逢的医生
but who reinforced his belief that recovery was not only possible but inevitable,
不仅坚信我有可能康复而且一定会康复.
and during a devastating period of relapse told my terrified family,
在我病情不断复发，令人心力憔悴的那段时间，他告诉我的家人:
"Don't give up hope. I believe that Eleanor can get through this.
“别放弃希望!我相信Eleanor能捱过这关!
Sometimes, you know, it snows as late as May, but summer always comes eventually."
“有时候5月天也会下雪，但夏天终究会来!”
Fourteen minutes is not enough time
14分钟的时间其实不够我去感谢
to fully credit those good and generous people who fought with me and for me
那些拉我一把的好人，有人与我并肩作战，为我挺身而出
and who waited to welcome me back from that agonized, lonely place.
还有人盼着我从孤独沉痛中恢复过来
But together, they forged a blend of courage, creativity, integrity, and an unshakeable belief
但他们共同造就的勇气、创造力、诚信和坚定信念
that my shattered self could become healed and whole.
让原来支离破碎的我，得以找回完整的自己
I used to say that these people saved me,
我曾说这些人救了我
but what I now know is they did something even more important in that they empowered me to save myself,
但我现在才明白，是他们让我有力量拯救自己
and crucially, they helped me to understand something which I'd always suspected:
更重要的是，他们让我了解一件我过去始终不确定的事
that my voices were a meaningful response to traumatic life events, particularly childhood events,
我所听见的那些声音，其实是以有意义的方式响应过去的伤痛，尤其是我的童年
and as such were not my enemies but a source of insight into solvable emotional problems.
这样说来，我们不应彼此为敌，是这些声音让我看清那些并非无解的情绪问题
Now, at first, this was very difficult to believe,
起初这很难去相信
not least because the voices appeared so hostile and menacing,
不只因为那些声音好像不怀好意
so in this respect, a vital first step was
既然如此，首要步骤就是
learning to separate out a metaphorical meaning from what I'd previously interpreted to be a literal truth.
学着从我原本理解的表象中找到其中的隐含的意义
So for example, voices which threatened to attack my home
举例来说，那些声音曾威胁要袭击我家
I learned to interpret as my own sense of fear and insecurity in the world,
那时我习惯以自身的恐惧感和不安来解读事情
rather than an actual, objective danger.
而非真正具体的危险
Now at first, I would have believed them.
刚开始我信以为真
I remember, for example, sitting up one night on guard outside my parents' room
还记得有一次我彻夜不眠，守在我爸妈房门前
to protect them from what I thought was a genuine threat from the voices.
提防我认为那些声音很可能带来的威胁
Because I'd had such a bad problem with self-injury that most of the cutlery in the house had been hidden,
因为在那之前我自残过好几次，所以家里大部分的餐具都被藏起来
so I ended up arming myself with a plastic fork, kind of like picnic ware,
最后我拿一支塑料叉当武器，就是那种野餐用的，
and sort of sat outside the room clutching it and waiting to spring into action should anything happen.
然后坐在门外把叉子夹在腋下高度戒备
It was like, "Don't mess with me. I've got a plastic fork, don't you know?"
那情形就像说:“别惹我!你不知道我有武器吗?”
Strategic.
这是我用的战术
But a later response, and much more useful,
但我随后的反应比较有效
would be to try and deconstruct the message behind the words,
我尝试拆解言外之意
so when the voices warned me not to leave the house,
所以当声音警告我不要出门
then I would thank them for drawing my attention to how unsafe I felt
我会谢谢他们的提醒，让我注意到自己多缺乏安全感
because if I was aware of it, then I could do something positive about it
因有这份认知，我就可以积极面对问题
but go on to reassure both them and myself that we were safe and didn't need to feel frightened anymore.
安抚自己及那些声音，我们很安全，用不着害怕
I would set boundaries for the voices,
我会与“他们”划清界线
and try to interact with them in a way that was assertive
试着以坚决的态度与他们沟通
yet respectful, establishing a slow process of communication and collaboration
但保持尊重并放缓沟通及合作的过程
in which we could learn to work together and support one another.
这样“我们”才能学习共事，互相扶持
