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Shame, for women, is this web of unobtainable, conflicting, competing expectations about who we're supposed to be.
羞耻，对于女人，是一张网，是一张由难以实现的、冲突的、抵触的期望所织成的关于理想的自己的网。
And it's a straight-jacket.
它是一件紧身衣。
For men, shame is not a bunch of competing, conflicting expectations.
对于男人，羞耻并不是一系列彼此冲突的期望。
Shame is one, do not be perceived as what? Weak.
羞耻是一样东西，不要被认为什么？弱。
I did not interview men for the first four years of my study.
我研究的开始4年中没采访过男人。
It wasn't until a man looked at me after a book signing, and said, "I love what say about shame, I'm curious why you didn't mention men."
直到有一天在图书签售会后，一个男人看着我说：“我欣赏你关于羞耻感的观点，我很好奇为什么你没提到男人。”
And I said, "I don't study men." And he said, "That's convenient."
我说：“我不研究男人。”然后他说：“这倒真是省事啊。”
And I said, "Why?" And he said, "Because you say to reach out, tell our story, be vulnerable.
我说：“为什么这么说？”他说：“因为你说要走出去，讲自己的经历，不掩饰脆弱。
But you see those books you just signed for my wife and my three daughters?"
但是你看到这些你刚刚给我妻子和三个孩子签名的书了吗？
I said, "Yeah." "They'd rather me die on top of my white horse than watch me fall down.
我说：“嗯。”“她们现在宁愿看着我骑着白马英勇的死掉，也不愿看到我掉下来。
When we reach out and be vulnerable, we get the shit beat out of us.
当我们走出去展现脆弱的时候，我们会被乱拳打死的。
And don't tell me it's from the guys and the coaches and the dads.
而且别跟我说，教练啊老爹啊这样的男人才这么做。
Because the women in my life are harder on me than anyone else."
因为我生命中的女人们才是对我最残忍的。”
So I started interviewing men and asking questions.
于是我开始采访男人，向他们提问。
And what I learned is this: You show me a woman who can actually sit with a man in real vulnerability and fear, I'll show you a woman who's done incredible work.
而我所学到的就是：如果你能给我找到这样一个女人，她确实能陪在一个被脆弱和恐惧所淹没的男人旁边，那么我就能给你找出能完成不可思议工作的女人。
You show me a man who can sit with a woman who's just had it, she can't do it all anymore, and his first response is not, "I unloaded the dishwasher!"
你如果能给我找到这样一个男人，他可以陪在一个已经快到底线，再也无法承受的女人旁边，而且他的第一反应并不是：“我把碗都洗好啦！”（意指只会机械地做家务而不懂沟通。）
