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Do not read, do not read. Do not read these books, these books.
不要阅读，不要阅读，不要阅读这些书，这些书。
Now, before we start, I just want you all to know that every book that I'm about to show you is 100% real. These are actual books.
好了，在我们开始之前，我想说我给你们介绍的所有书都是真实存在的，这些是真书。
You can find them on Amazon or check them out at your local library. They are real.
你可以在亚马逊找到，或是在当地图书馆，它们只真的。
Alright. Let's see what's on my do not read list. This first one is just...
好了，看看哪些在我的“不要看”图书榜单上吧，第一个是...
This just gets the party going. This is fantastic. I can't even believe I'm holding it and not reading it. It is a reference book.
这本书让派对开办起来，这本书太棒了，我不相信我正拿着这本书，而且没有读过，这是一本参考书。
It is called Land Snails and Slugs of Russia and Adjacent Countries.
这本书叫做“俄罗斯及邻近国家的陆生蜗牛和蛞蝓”。
It's a classic page turner. I'm just going to...I'm just going to go home and just read the whole thing tonight.
这是一本经典之作，我就要...我晚上回家要都读一下。
And if you want to know what life is like studying snails and slugs, if you want to see what it does to a person, there you go. Look at this guy. Hey.
如果你想知道研究蜗牛和蛞蝓的生活是什么样的，如果你想知道它对一个人有什么影响，那就看看，看看这个男的，嗨。
Hey, am I too early for the party? What are you guys talking about? Slugs? Oh, you were not?
嗨，今天派对，我是来早了吗？你们在聊些什么？蛞蝓？哦，你们不是？
Oh, you should be. Great party either way. I came early. I brought the dog and some slugs.
哦，你们应该去谈论，无论如何，派对很精彩，我来早了，我带来了一条狗和许多蛞蝓。
Let's check out this next one. This is a how-to book. This is 50 Nifty Ways to Jazz Up Your Jeans.
看看第二本，这是一本指南书，50种可以让你的牛仔裤翻新的小技巧。
I'm all about jazzing up my jeans, man.
我一直在翻新我的牛仔裤，兄弟们。
This is perfect for the pandemic, I think. Let's see what's in here. Oh, yeah, I like this one here.
这个很适合在疫情期间看，我认为，看看里面说了什么，哦哦，我喜欢这个。
This one's called party pants. See, look at this one here. It's very simple. You just glue a tic-tac-toe board on your jeans.
这个叫做“派对牛仔裤”，看看，看看这个，很简单，你就是在牛仔裤上粘上一个井字格。
Then you ask everyone to just draw on your nether regions.
然后让所有人在你们隐私部位画来画去。
Oh, actually it says...It says, Note...You should not wear your jeans because the glue could seep through
哦，其实上面说，上面说，写道“注意：你不应该穿这条牛仔裤，因为胶水可以渗透进去，”
and you could be stuck wearing your party pants for a long time. Now you tell me.
你不得不长时间穿着你的派对裤了，太可乐了。
How long you've been wearing your party pants? Dude, too long.
你的派对裤穿了多久了？兄弟，很长了。
This next up is a children's book. I love kids books, obviously. You know that, man.
下一个是一本儿童书，我喜欢儿童书，很显然，你知道的，兄弟。
This one's called What's Growing in Grandma's Garden? And then if you zoom in,
这个叫做“奶奶的花园里长了什么？”，如果你看小字，
it says, a book to help grown-ups have a conversation with children about cannabis.
上面写着，一本可以让成年人和儿童交流关于大麻的图书。
Wait, what? Never too early to teach your kids about how grandma loves to get baked. There you go.
等一下，啥？教你的孩子关于奶奶喜欢抽大麻的事情什么时候都不晚，看看。
Let's take a look inside. You got some people there eating, kids playing under a tree.
看看里面，这里有人在吃东西，有人在树下玩耍。
And then there's grandma just chilling by herself in front of... That's Grandma?
然后奶奶一个人在感受阵阵寒风，前面...这是奶奶？
...a locked greenhouse. She's like Martha Stewart. What's growing in...Alright.
一个上锁的温室，她很像玛莎·斯图沃特，里面长的是...好了。
This next one here is an activity book for the whole family. It is called Family Fun in Tape Recording.
下一本是为全家准备的活动书，名字叫做“磁带录音的家庭乐趣”。
It says here, great new all-purpose book for everyone who owns or dreams of owning a tape recorder.
上面说，这是一本全新的万能书籍，对于那些拥有或梦想拥有录音机的人而言。
Well, let's see what kind of fun we can have with the tape recorder. Ooh, here's one. It's called whistle while you tape.
嗯嗯，看看录音机能给我们带来什么乐趣，哦，这里说了，
Find out from your guests how many can whistle loud and clear.
从你的客人那里找出有多少人可以大声而清晰地吹口哨。
Let them prove it by taping their whistling prowess, then divide them into teams.
让他们通过录制他们的口哨技巧来证明这一点，然后将他们分成小组。
Next, hand each contestant a dry salted soda cracker. God. That's fun.
然后，给每位参与者一袋咸苏打饼干，天啊，有趣呢。
I used to do that. Really? Yeah. Got my first tape recorder in '79. Used to do stuff like that.
我之前做过，真的？嗯嗯，我在1979年得到了第一个录音机，之前做过这种事情。
Did you pass out crackers? No, I didn't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Soda cracker is basically the party pants of tape-recording.
你发饼干了吗？不，我没有。是的，是的，是的。苏打饼干基本上是磁带录音的派对裤。
I got it. I got the memo. Jazz up your jeans, man. This next book here is a cookbook. I love cookbooks. Oh, wow.
了解，了解了，翻新你的牛仔裤，兄弟，下一本书是做饭的书，我喜欢做饭书，哦哦。
Yeah. This one is called Cooking in the Nude for Playful Gourmets.
哦，这本书叫做“为爱玩的美食家裸体烹饪”。
I think it's probably not a safe idea, but what would I know? Let's look at a recipe. Cream cheese balls.
我认为或许这个想法不安全，我也不清楚啊，看看菜谱，奶油奶酪球。
Cream cheese balls. That seems pretty safe. I don't even have to look at the recipe.
奶油奶酪球，听起来很安全，我甚至不用看菜谱。
Go ahead, read it, go ahead, go ahead. Been there. Smeared that. Uh-oh.
继续，读下去，继续，我有过做菜的经验，哦哦。
Oh, cream cheese balls. Want to try it? Well, we're down to our last book here.
哦，奶油奶酪球，你想试试吗？嗯嗯，到最后一本了。
This is a children's book called The Ha-Ha Powder.
这个是儿童书，名字叫“哈哈粉”。
Just a fun, upbeat book about clowns that are into weird bags of powder that make you happy.
这是一本有趣的书籍，讲的是被放进哈哈粉袋子中的小丑让你高兴。
Got to be the sequel. I'm sure it's safe for...Look who makes the book. Look at that thing. Hey.
这肯定是续篇，我确定一定很安全，看看这本书是哪里来的，看看这个，嗨。
Happy birthday, kids. That's all I have for this edition of my Do Not Read list.
生日快乐孩子们，这就是今天的“不要阅读图书”节目。
If you have a book that you think should be on our next Do Not Read list,
如果你有任何希望放在节目中的图书，
I'd love to see it. Send your titles to donotread@tonightshow.com.
我想看看，那就把书名字发送到donotread@tonightshow.com.
