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Hey, Psych2Goers! What was your childhood like?
嘿，Psych2Goers！你的童年是怎样的？
The way you were raised can have a very big impact on who you are now.
你的成长方式会对现在的你产生很大的影响。
Your relationship with your parents and the environment you were in can shape your personality, interests, and ideals much more than what most people may realize.
你和父母的关系以及你所处的环境会塑造你的个性、兴趣和理想，而且对你的影响比大多数人所想的都要大得多。
Harmful behaviors and phrases used by your parents when you were growing up can impact your mental wellbeing and affect how you view your other relationships when you're older.
父母在你的成长过程中做出的有害行为和所说的话会影响你的心理健康，也会影响你长大后看待其它关系的方式。
It may even strain your relationship with them down the line.
甚至可能会让你和他们的关系变得紧张。
So whether you're already a caregiver looking for phrases to avoid or a child seeking information, here are 8 hurtful things parents tell children.
所以，无论你是一个寻找禁忌用语的看护人，还是一个寻求信息的孩子，下面是父母不能对孩子说的8句有害的话。
Before we get started, this is a disclaimer that this video isn't meant to diagnose, treat, or cure anyone.
在我们开始之前，先声明一下，这段视频无法用来诊断、治疗或治愈任何人。
It is for informative purposes only, so if you or someone you know may be struggling, we urge you to seek professional help from a therapist or another trusted professional.
只是为你提供信息，所以，如果你或者你所认识的人正面临这样的问题，我们建议你向治疗师或其他值得信赖的专业人士寻求专业帮助。
Number One: You're so dramatic, grow up
第一句：别那么情绪化，你该长大了！
Have you ever been told you're too dramatic?
你的父母有没有说过你太情绪化？
As a child, you may have been upset about something that wasn't objectively a big deal.
作为孩子，一些不是很大的事情可能都会让你感到不安。
However, while the problem might not have been that bad rationally speaking, the emotions you felt were still important.
尽管从理性上讲问题并没有那么糟糕，但你的情绪波动会很大。
When parents dismiss how their child is feeling, it can make them feel as if their emotions aren't valid and that they don't deserve to be expressed.
当父母忽视孩子的感受时，可能会让孩子觉得自己的情绪是不合理的，不值得表达出来。
Telling them to grow up can also cause them to perceive adults as unfeeling, which may cause future problems with communication and being vulnerable.
告诉孩子让他们长大也会让孩子认为成年人没有感情，这样今后孩子可能会出现沟通问题，变得脆弱。
The bottom line is that all emotions are important, valid, and deserve to be expressed in a healthy way.
底线是，所有的情绪都是重要的、有效的，应该以健康的方式将情绪表达出来。
Number Two: Why are you like this
第二句：你怎么这样？
Have you ever been asked this? How did you respond?
你的父母有没有这样说过你？你是怎么回答的？
Questions like why are you like this or what's wrong with you tend to be used rhetorically when someone is frustrated.
当一个人很烦时问“你怎么这样？”或者“你有什么毛病？”这样的话往往是一些语气词。
However, they can have many psychological impacts, especially for children.
然而，它们会产生很多心理影响，尤其是对儿童。
A child could start believing they're inadequate, broken, or that there's something wrong with them.
孩子可能会开始觉得自己的身体有什么问题。
Children are extremely impressionable, so a parent saying this out of spite can affect them for years.
孩子非常容易受到影响，所以父母出于怨恨说这句话会影响他们很多年。
Parents should try to avoid this phrase no matter how frustrated they get.
无论父母有多烦躁，都应该尽量避免说这句话。
Phrases like, "Talk to me about what's wrong, "or, "I'm listening. Let's talk this out," are much better alternatives that promote healthy communication and understanding.
你可以说，“跟我说说怎么了。”或者，“我在听，跟我说说吧！”，这些都是更好的选择，可以促进健康的沟通和理解。
Number Three: You belong to me and no one else
第三句：你只属于我。
Are your parents protective?
你的父母有保护欲吗？
Many caretakers feel the natural instinct to protect their children; however, being too possessive may end up harming their emotional growth.
许多看护人都有保护孩子的本能，但是，占有欲太强可能会对孩子的情感成长不利。
When parents don't let their children explore the world and experience new things, they can become over-reliant on the guidance that won't always be there.
当父母不让孩子探索世界并体验新事物时，孩子可能会过度依赖那些并不总是存在的指导。
Telling them this can also suggest the idea that love is about control and ownership.
跟孩子说这句话也是在暗示他“爱就是控制和占有”。
In reality, people aren't objects, and they deserve to grow and mature at their own pace.
在现实生活中，人不是什么物体，人应该按照自己的节奏成长、成熟。
Number Four: As long as I'm feeding and clothing you, you'll follow my rules
第四句：只要你吃我的、穿我的，那你就得听我的。
Have your parents ever guilt-tripped you by using this phrase? While many parents use it to motivate children to do simple chores like cooking and cleaning, it can have some unintended consequences.
虽然有很多父母会用这句话来激励孩子做一些简单的家务，比如做饭、打扫卫生，但这句话可能会产生一些意想不到的后果。
For example, it could make a kid feel like a burden or that they always have to live the way their parents want them to, which may lead to feelings of frustration and resentment.
比如，这会让孩子觉得自己是个负担，或者觉得自己必须按照父母希望的方式生活，这会让孩子感到挫败并产生怨恨的心理。
Moreover, they may feel as if they're in debt to their parents and make important decisions based upon family expectations, and not upon their own wants and needs.
此外，他们可能还会觉得欠父母的，所以不管做什么决定都会考虑父母而不是自己的意愿和需求。
While children should acknowledge everything their parents do for them, it's also important to realize that parental love and support isn't something to hold over their heads.
虽然孩子应当承认父母为他们所做的一切，但同样重要的是，他们要意识到父母的爱和支持是不求回报的。
Number Five: You're too thin or overweight
第五句：“你太瘦了。”或者“你太胖了。”
Do your parents make small comments about your weight whenever you eat?
你的父母会在你吃东西的时候对你的体重指指点点吗？
While it may not sound like a big deal, it perpetuates body-shaming ideas and our society's fixation on fitting and following a certain beauty standard.
虽然听起来也没什么，但它会令孩子一直持有对身体的耻辱感并令社会执着于遵循某种审美标准。
Always mentioning someone's weight may also promote an unhealthy relationship with food as they may feel they're eating too much or that eating is a chore.
总提到别人的体重可能还会促进和食物之间的不健康的关系，因为他们可能会觉得自己吃得太多或者吃东西是一件烦心事。
While it's important to ensure your child is eating healthy, making comments about their weight or body shape may only drag them down.
虽然保证孩子的饮食健康很重要，但对他们的体重或体型发表评论可能只会拖累他们。
Instead, you may want to focus on promoting a balanced diet with everything in moderation.
相反，你要用适度的方式来督促孩子均衡饮食。
Number Six: I wish you were more like…
第六句：你应该像……学习。
Do your parents compare you with siblings, cousins, and seemingly anyone even semi-close to your age?
你的父母会把你和你的兄弟姐妹、堂兄弟姐妹，甚至任何年龄和你接近的人相比较吗？
When parents constantly wish their children were different, it can become detrimental to their children's self-esteem and cause them to constantly overexert themselves.
如果父母总是希望自己的孩子出类拔萃，那么可能会损害孩子的自尊，导致他们长期过度劳累。
Their children may always feel as if they have to compete with everyone, which may lead to burnout, exhaustion, and jealousy.
他们的孩子可能会觉得自己必须和所有人都争一争，这可能会导致倦怠、疲惫和嫉妒。
Number Seven: That's the way I was raised, and I turned out fine
第七句：我就是这样长大的，我怎么就没出问题。
Have you ever objected to a decision your parents made, only to be shut down by this response?
你有没有反对过你父母的决定，结果却被这样的回答拒之门外？
Many caretakers both subconsciously and consciously mimic the way they were raised.
很多看护人会下意识并有意识地模仿他们被抚养长大的方式。
But this can become a problem when they're unwilling to listen to their children's problems and ideas.
但当他们不愿倾听孩子的问题和想法时，问题就出现了。
This close-minded mentality closes communication lines and makes children feel as if their emotions and ideas aren't important.
这种封闭的心态关闭了沟通渠道，让孩子们觉得他们的情感和想法并不重要。
Instead, caretakers may want to try to recognize that parenting isn't a one size fits all kind of thing.
相反，看护人要知道，养育孩子不是一刀切的事情。
It's ever-changing, so what may have worked for them may not apply to everyone.
而是不断变化着的，所以对他们有用的方法不一定适用于所有人。
Number Eight: You were an accident
第八句：生你就是个意外。
While it's true some parents have unplanned children, telling a child this can leave them with long-term emotional scars.
的确，有些孩子是父母意外怀上并生下来的，但这么跟孩子说可能会给他们留下长期的情感伤疤。
This is especially the case if they are at a young age.
孩子年龄越小，造成的伤疤就越大。
A child could feel unwanted or like a burden, which could affect them throughout their entire life.
孩子可能会觉得自己是多余的，或者觉得自己是个负担，这可能会影响他们的一生。
Adding, "I love you anyway," tends to not help either.
无论你跟他说多少遍“我还是爱你的”都无济于事。
Kids want to be loved unconditionally, so if you're a parent wanting to tell your child about their conception, you may want to try to wait until they're older or to phrase it differently.
孩子们希望得到无条件的爱，所以如果你为人父母，想要告诉你的孩子关于他们的出生，那么最好等他们长大一些了再说或者换个说法。
