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A terrible problem that afflicts many of us is that we are almost permanently anxious, self-critical, self-hating and afflicted by a sense that we don’t deserve to exist.
困扰我们许多人的一个可怕问题是，我们会长期地感到焦虑、实施自我批评、自我憎恨，并被一种我们不配存在的感觉所折磨。
We are definitely not good enough. Ever.
我们一定不够好。 永远不够好。
Psychology points us to a part of the mind termed our conscience, a faculty that keeps an eye on how well we are doing in relation to duty, to the demands of the world and to the regulation of our desires and appetites.
心理学指出，我们的心灵中有一部分被称为良知，这种能力关注着我们在履行职责、满足世界需求以及控制欲望方面做得如何。
Our conscience monitors how much effort we are putting into our work, our ratio of relaxed rest to anxious labour.
我们的良知监视着我们在工作中付出了多少努力，让我们得到放松的休息与让我们焦虑的劳动的比例。
It’s our conscience that tells us when we’ve probably done enough gaming, dating or eating.
是我们的良知告诉我们，我们在游戏，约会或吃饭上花费的时间过多。
However useful this function may sound, for many of us, our conscience has grown very unbalanced.
无论这个功能听起来多么有用，对我们许多人来说，我们的内心已经变得非常不平衡，充满了内疚。
Rather than occasionally gently nudging us towards virtue, it is permanently screaming, denigrating and attacking us for perceived failings:
良知并没有偶尔温和地推动我们走向美德，而是一直大骂、诋毁和攻击我们察觉到的缺点:
it tells us that nothing we do is ever good enough, that we have no right to take a holiday let alone an afternoon off, that we have no business relaxing or enjoying ourselves
它告诉我们，我们做的任何事都不够好，我们没有权利休假，更别说一个下午的休息了，我们没有理由放松或享受自己
- and that the worst is coming to us because of our sinful nature.
——因为我们的罪恶本性，最坏的事情就要降临到我们身上。
Anxiety and self-contempt are our default states.
焦虑和自卑是我们的默认状态。
It was Freud’s simple but brilliant insight that our conscience is formed out of the residue of the voices of our parents, in particular (usually) of our fathers.
弗洛伊德简单却卓越的见解是，我们的良知是由我们的父母，特别是(通常)我们的父亲的残留的声音形成的。
Freud called the conscience the ‘superego’, and proposed that this faculty continues to speak within our minds as our father figures once spoke to us.
弗洛伊德称良知为“超我”，并提出这种能力会继续在我们的头脑中说话，就像我们的父亲曾经对我们说话一样。
For the lucky ones among us, we had reasonable father figures and therefore our consciences are broadly benign.
对于我们当中幸运的人来说，我们有通情达理的父亲，因此我们的良知大体上是善良的。
If we fail today, we can try again next time.
如果我们今天失败了，我们可以下次再试。
If we’re unpopular, we can be valuable anyway.
如果我们不受欢迎，我们也可以有价值。
We deserve a rest.
我们应该休息一下。
Sex is allowed.
性行为是被允许的。
Treats are part of life.
享受是生活的一部分。
We can do nothing for a while. We’re OK as we are.
我们可以暂时什么也不做。 我们现在这样挺好的。
But for others among us, our conscience rehearses the worst lines of punitive parental archetypes.
但对我们中的其他人来说，我们的良知却是在重复着我们苛责的父母说过的最伤人的话。
When things go wrong, we swiftly conclude that it might be better if we killed ourselves.
当事情出现问题时，我们很快就会得出自杀可能会更好的结论。
One of the steps we can take towards greater mental health is to realise, properly realise, that this drama is going on inside us.
我们可以采取的让心里更健康的步骤之一是意识到，正确地意识到，这一闹剧正在我们的内心上演。
It sounds strange to say, given the significance, but usually, we have no clue; the self-criticism has become too familiar to be noticeable, it’s just how things are and who we are.
考虑到它的重要性，这听起来可能奇怪，但通常情况下，我们没有意识到; 自我批评已经变得太熟悉而变得不那么引人注意，好像事情本该就是这样的。
We can’t draw a distinction between the fierce inner critic and any other part of us.
我们无法区分内心的激烈批判和我们的其他部分。
A crucial first move is therefore to learn to put some distance between ourselves and our conscience.
因此，至关重要的第一步就是学会在自己和良知之间保持一定的距离。
We should see our conscience as a character.
我们应该把自己的良知看作一种品格。
We should tell ourselves: I have a punishing inner critic and it’s very unfair to me, it’s even trying to kill me.
我们应该告诉自己:我内心有一个惩罚性的批评，这对我很不公平，它甚至想要扼杀我。
It is speaking to me, within me, but it isn’t all I am: it’s someone I sucked in from childhood and might learn to expel from my mind in time.
它在我的内心对我说话，但它不是我的全部:它是我从小时候就逐渐吸收形成的一个人物，也许我能会学会慢慢把它从我的头脑中驱逐出去。
We can then start to question the critic.
然后我们就可以开始质疑这个批评家了。
Is it really fair to say that our lives are wholly worthless?
说我们的生命毫无价值真的公平吗?
We’ve messed up for sure, but do we really deserve no compassion and no forgiveness?
我们确实搞砸了，但我们真的不值得同情和原谅吗?
Is nothing about us in any way good?
难道我们没有一点可取之处吗？
Would we ever think of treating a friend (or even an enemy) the way we’re treating ourselves?
我们是否曾想过用对待自己的方式来对待朋友(甚至是敌人)?
We had no choice about who we had to listen to when we were little, but we do now have agency.
小时候我们没办法选择听谁的，但现在我们有了自主权。
We can retrain our minds, by getting better spotting how they were indoctrinated in the first place.
我们可以通过深入了解这些想法，最早是如何被灌输的，来重新训练我们的大脑。
We have picked up some extremely cruel and questionable habits.
我们养成了一些极其残忍和有问题的习惯。
No one needs to be hounded by a sense that they are excrement; this feeling has a past and it doesn’t have to be the future.
没有人需要被一种厌恶自己的感觉所困扰; 这种感觉过去存在，但不一定是未来。
To retrain ourselves, we need other people: people who can love us and fill our minds with other kinder perspectives.
为了重新训练自己，我们需要其他人: 那些会爱我们，用其他更友善的观点填充我们心灵的人。
We need to dare to lean on them (not an easy move for people who feel undeserving in the first place) and ask for their help in taming the nasty sound-track inside.
我们需要敢于依靠他们(对于那些一开始就觉得自己不配的人来说，这并不是一件容易的事)，并寻求他们的帮助来驯服游戏中令人讨厌的声音。
We should stop trying to be brave about the inner attacks we host.
在内在攻击面前，我们不应该继续逞强。
We might explicitly say to others: ‘you are here to help me with my inner critic, and to give me new perspectives on my self-punishment and despair.’
我们可以明确地对别人说:“你来这里是为了帮助我克服内心的批评，并给我关于自我惩罚和绝望的新视角。”
We should at times get incensed that we have to live with such a critic, and question why our first impulse is so often to forgive the critic and the parental figure who inspired it and blame ourselves for our stupidity.
我们有时应该为我们不得不与这样一个批评者生活在一起而感到愤怒，质疑为什么我们的第一反应往往是原谅批评者和激发这种批评的家长，并责备自己的愚蠢。
We need to feel sorry for ourselves and annoyed with those who didn’t know how to show us tenderness.
我们需要为自己感到难过，为那些不知道如何向我们展示温柔的人感到烦恼。
Of course, we occasionally need to upbraid ourselves and try harder;but the real achievement is to know how to remain gently and generously on our own side.
当然，我们偶尔也需要责备自己，更加努力; 但真正重要的还是要知道如何温和慷慨地对待自己。
