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To make a Turkey Sandwich of Justice, you're going to need all of the ingredients from a turkey dinner.
要做正义版火鸡三明治，你需要火鸡大餐中的全部食材。
But since making a full turkey dinner is a lot of work, step 1 is to trick someone into making a full turkey dinner for you.
但因为做一顿全套的火鸡大餐要费不少工夫，所以第一步就是骗某个人给你做火鸡大餐。
Thanks, Mom.
多谢老妈。
One approach is to check your book of favors to see who owes you one.
一种办法是查看你的笔记本，看谁还欠你人情。
This approach is risky because it opens the door for someone to call on you for a favor in the future, which is totally unacceptable.
这个办法有风险，因为之后别人也会要你还他们人情，这是绝对不能忍的。
A better approach is to use the power of the subconscious mind.
更好的办法是利用潜意识的力量。
For example, instead of saying "I'd really like to hang out with you this weekend,"
比如，不要说"我很想这周末和你一起玩"，
say that while weaving in the sentence "Please make me a turkey dinner,"
而是要在句子里插入这句话"请给我做一顿火鸡大餐"，
so it comes out as "I'd please really make like me to hang turkey out with dinner you next weekend."
所以就是"我请你让我喜欢和火鸡在大餐上一起玩下周末"。
If they call you out on what appears to be a bad sentence, publicly humiliate them for not being up on millennial language trends.
如果他们说你这个句子狗屁不通，你就当众嘲笑他们跟不上千禧年一代的语言潮流。
Then hundo p dipset because you can't even.
然后百分百匿了，因为你简直了。
Another approach is to invent a fake holiday that revolves around eating a turkey dinner and pressure a friend to participate.
另一个办法是凭空造一个吃火鸡餐的假节日，然后硬逼着你朋友参加。
Call it something like "Thank Turkey Day" or "Yummy Turkey Dinner Sharesies Day" or "Ganksthiving" or some other dumb name.
节日的名字可以叫"感恩火鸡节"或"美味火鸡大餐分享节"或"恩感节"等等傻乎乎的名字。
If that fails, it's time to try to trick yourself.
如果行不通，那就要努力自欺欺人了。
Say things like "This will be fun" or "It won't be that much work" as you head to the grocery store full of naive optimism.
当你满怀幼稚的乐观主义情绪前往杂货店的时候，要对自己说"会很好玩的"或"不会太麻烦的"之类的话。
Step 2 is to secure the leftovers.
第二步是搞定剩菜。
The most straightforward way is to wear a Tupperware bodysuit to dinner.
最直接的办法就是身上挂满特百惠盒子去吃饭。
If someone calls you out on what you're wearing, publicly humiliate them for not being up on millennial fashion trends.
要是有人说你穿得太奇葩，你就当众嘲讽他们跟不上千禧年一代的时尚潮流。
Another approach is to simply slip the food into your pants bag.
另一个办法就是直接把食物装进裤子口袋。
This has the benefit of keeping the food warm until you can safely escape.
这样做的好处是在你安全脱身之前可以让食物保温。
The final and most covert way to secure the leftovers is to have a second stomach surgically installed,
搞到剩菜的最后也是最隐蔽的一个办法是做手术移植第二个胃，
and simply swallow your food into the second stomach and regurgitate the ingredients later.
把食物都吞进第二个胃里，之后再从嘴里反刍出来。
Warning: this method is a bit pricey.
警告：这个方法有点费钱。
Step 3 is to walk through a cornfield wasteland while contemplating your death.
第三步是一边在荒废的玉米地里行走，一边思考你的死亡。
Step 4 is to secure a private location.
第四步是找一个私密的地方。
If anyone sees you making a Turkey Sandwich of Justice, they're gonna want a bite and this is not the time to share.
要是有人看见你在做正义版火鸡三明治，他们会想尝一口，但现在还不能分享食物。
Hello?
怎么了？
What are you doing in there?
你在里面干嘛？
I'm just playing poker with myself.
我在自己一个人玩牌。
Okay, I need to piss.
好吧，但我要尿尿。
Okay, I'll be out of here in ten.
行，我十分钟后就出来。
Thanks!
谢了!
The fifth and final step is to assemble the Turkey Sandwich of Justice.
第五步也是最后一步就是把正义版火鸡三明治组装起来。
We're going to start by pulling the turkey apart.
先把火鸡肉撕碎。
If you put one big slab of turkey onto a sandwich,
如果你在三明治里放上一大块火鸡肉，
I hope you live in a world with a different set of physics because everything is just gonna squirt out of the sandwich.
那我只能希望你住在一个物理定律不同的世界，因为三明治里的所有东西都会爆出来的。
You really want to have high density awareness when you make this sandwich.
做这个三明治的时候，一定要有高密度意识。
Take some tin foil and put the turkey down in the shape of your bread.
拿一张锡纸，把火鸡肉摆成面包的形状。
The nice thing about cold mashed potatoes is it's easy to make perfect flat slices.
冷土豆泥的一个优点就是很容易抹成光滑平整的一层。
Spoon on a layer of gravy aka stuffing glue. And mix in a little hot sauce.
用勺子浇一层肉汁，也就是馅料糊糊。再加一点辣椒酱。
Gently press on a layer of stuffing. Now grate some cheddar on top.
轻轻压上一层馅料，上面再刮一点切达奶酪。
Sweet Lord Almighty, what have we done?
亲爱的万能的主啊，看我们做了什么？
Now you want to pull this off of the table and onto your hand,
现在把这些从桌子上撤下来，用手托着，
and put it in the onion on low, say 250 or 300.
放进烤箱低火烤制，大概250或300度。
Thinly slice some dill pickles.
切几片薄薄的酸黄瓜。
A couple minutes before it's fully warmed up, toast some bread.
多士炉稍微预热一下后，烤几片面包。
As soon as it's out, hitting the bottom with mayo and the top with sour cream.
面包烤好后，立刻在下面的面包片上抹蛋黄酱，上面的面包片上抹酸奶油。
You want to do this right away so that the bread doesn't dry out.
一定要马上抹，这样面包就不会变干了。
Then take your hot Ingredients of Justice and you lift that into place.
然后把烤好的正义食材拿出来，放到面包上。
Smother this with cranberry sauce. Layer the dill pickles.
倒上厚厚一层蔓越莓酱，放上酸黄瓜。
How can you not love the contrast of these colors?
没人会不爱这种对比鲜明的颜色吧？
Put on some salt, some pepper, pepper, pepper,
撒上盐和胡椒胡椒胡椒，
throw on your sour cream bread and give that a nice slice.
把抹了酸奶油的面包盖上去，然后整齐地切开。
Do a structural integrity test.
来检查一下三明治的结构完整度。
I'm one-handing this with a very loose grip and I've got approximately zero problems.
我现在是一只手松松地拿着，基本上没有任何问题。
And there you have it: The Turkey Sandwich of Justice as designed by my friend Ryan.
这样就做好了: 正义版火鸡三明治，由我的朋友瑞安设计发明。
Justice is served and I'd just like to wish everybody a happy Yummy Turkey Dinner Sharesies Day. Enjoy.
正义得到伸张，也祝大家美味火鸡大餐分享节快乐。请享用吧。
You suck at Yummy Turkey Dinner Sharesies Day. Oh my god, you.
你在美味火鸡大餐分享节弱爆了，我的天，你啊。
You suck at Yummy Turkey Dinner Sharesies Day. Oh my god, you suck so much.
你在美味火鸡大餐分享节弱爆了，我的天，你弱爆了。
At Yummy Turkey Dinner Sharesies Day you suck so much.
在美味火鸡大餐分享节你弱爆了。
At Yummy Turkey Dinner Sharesies Day, you.
在美味火鸡大餐分享节，你啊。
