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If you want to teach your children how to say sorry, you must be good at saying it yourself, especially to your own children. But how you say it can be quite tricky. If you say to your children"I’m sorry I got angry with you, but ...", what follows that"but"can render the apology ineffective:"I had a bad day"or"your noise was giving me a headache"leaves the person who has been injured feeling that he should be apologizing for his bad behavior in expecting an apology. Another method by which people appear to apologize without actually doing so is to say "I’m sorry you’re upset"; this suggests that you are somehow at fault for allowing your-self to get upset by what the other person has done. Then there is the general, all-covering apology, which avoids the necessity of identifying a specific act that was particularly hurtful or insulting, and which the person who is apologizing should promise never to do again. Saying "I’m useless as a parent" does not commit a person to any specific improvement. These pseudo-apologies are used by people who believe saying sorry shows weakness. Parents who wish to teach their children to apologize should see it as a sign of strength, and therefore not resort to these pseudo-apologies. But even when presented with ex-amples of genuine contrition, children still need help to become aware of the complexities of saying sorry. A three-year-old might need help in understanding that other children feel pain just as he does, and that hitting a playmate over the head with a heavy toy requires an apology. A six-year-old might need reminding that spoiling other children’s expectations can require an apology. A 12-year-old might need to be shown that raiding the biscuit tin without asking permission is acceptable, but that borrowing his/her parents’ clothes without permission is not. (CET-4, 2005年12月)
1. If a mother adds "but" to an apology, ______.
A) she doesn’t feel that she should have apologized
B) she does not realize that the child has been hurt
C) the child may find the apology easier to accept
D) the child may feel that he owes her an apology
2. According to the author, saying "I’m sorry you’re upset "most probably means "______".
A) You have good reason to get upset
B) I’m aware you’re upset, but I’m not to blame
C) I apologize for hurting your feelings
D) I’m at fault for making you upset
3. It is not advisable to use the general, all-covering apology be-cause ______.
A) it gets one into the habit of making empty promises
B) it may make the other person feel guilty
C) it is vague and ineffective
D) it is hurtful and insulting
答案&解析
1. D)。细节理解题。参见第二段可知，如果你对孩子说“对不起我对你发脾气了，但
是……”，那么“但是”后面 的内容，如：“我今天不高兴”，“你的吵闹声让我头痛”，会使道歉变得无效，而且让受到伤害的人觉得应该为自己的错误行为道歉。故选D)。
2. B)。推断题。参见第三段可知，人们似乎在道歉而实际并没有那么做的另一种方式是说“你生气了，我很抱歉”，这意味着你要为别人的所做所为生气那是你自己的错。故选B)。
3. C)。细节理解题。参见第四段第一句话可知，笼统的道歉看不出那种特别具有伤害性和侮辱性的具体行为，也不能使道歉者真正做出决不再犯的承诺。故选C)。
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