After the show, the Hsus, the Jongs, and the St. Clairs from the Joy Luck Club came up to my mother and father.
演出结束后,喜福会的苏家、龚家和圣克莱尔夫妇走到父母跟前。
"Lots of talented kids," Auntie Lindo said vaguely, smiling broadly.
“这么多有才的孩子,”琳朵阿姨咧开嘴微笑着,含糊其辞。
"That was something else," said my father, and I wondered if he was referring to me in a humorous way, or whether he even remembered what I had done.
“那是另一回事儿,”父亲说。我拿不准他是否在幽默地暗指我,还是他记得我的表现。
Waverly looked at me and shrugged her shoulders. "You aren't a genius like me," she said matter-of-factly. And if I hadn't felt so bad, I would have pulled her braids and punched her stomach.
威芙丽看着我,耸耸肩,“你可不及我那么有才气。”她道出事实。要不是我当时感觉很糟?我一定会抓住她的小辫揍她的肚子。
But my mother's expression was what devastated me: a quiet, blank look that said she had lost everything. I felt the same way, and and it seemed as if everybody were now coming up, like gawkers at the scene of an accident, to see what parts were actually missing. When we got on the bus to go home, my father was humming the busy-bee tune and my mother was silent. I kept thinking she wanted to wait until we got home before shouting at me. But when my father unlocked the door to our apartment, my mother walked in and went straight to the back, into the bedroom. No accusations, No blame. And in a way, I felt disappointed. I had been waiting for her to start shouting, so I could shout back and cry and blame her for all my misery.
可母亲的表情却令我惊讶:那是平静、茫然的表情,表明她已失去一切。我的感觉也是如此,好像所有的人都在亊故现场看热闹,想看看到底是出了什么事。我们乘公交车回家的路上,父亲哼着忙碌的蜜蜂那首曲子,母亲一声不吭。我一直在想她回到家后再冲我大叫,可父亲打开公寓的房门后,母亲竟直奔里面的卧室。没有责备,没有埋怨。我感到有些失望。我一直等着她冲我发火,这样我才能顶撞她,哭诉、埋怨她带给我的痛苦。
I assumed my talent-show fiasco meant I never had to play the piano again. But two days later, after school, my mother came out of the kitchen and saw me watching TV.
我想才艺表演时失败意味着我以后不用练琴了。可两天后,母亲从厨房里出来看见我放学后正看电视。
"Four clock," she reminded me, as if it were any other day. I was stunned, as though she were asking me to go through the talent-show torture again. I wedged myself more tightly in front of the TV.
“四点了。”她像平时那样提醒我。我惊呆了,好像她让我再次经历才艺表演的煎熬。我坐在电视机前,纹丝没动。
"Turn off TV," she called from the kitchen five minutes later.
“关上电视。”她五分钟后从厨房里喊道。
I didn't budge. And then I decided. I didn't have to do what my mother said anymore. I wasn't her slave. This wasn't China. I had listened to her before and look what happened. She was the stupid one.
我一动不动。我决心已定。我不会俯首帖耳,我不是她的奴隶。这儿不是中国。我以前对她言听计从,结果却是如此。她愚蠢至极。
She came out from the kitchen and stood in the arched entryway of the living room. "Four clock," she said once again, louder.
她走出厨房,站在通向客厅的拱形门口。“四点了。”她又说了一次,声音比上一次更大。
"I'm not going to play anymore," I said nonchalantly. "Why should I? I'm not a genius."
“我不想再练了,”我不在乎地说,“为什么要练?我不是天才。”
She walked over and stood in front of the TV. I saw that her chest was heaving up and down in an angry way.
她走过来,站在电视机前。我看见她气得胸脯起伏不停。
"No!" I said, and I now felt stronger, as if my true self had finally emerged. So this was what had been inside me all along.
“就不练!”我说,感到底气更足,好像久久隐藏在我心里的真正自我终于浮现。