爱梦想的羞怯女孩

A Shy Dreamer

在美

Zai Mei

我们宿舍里没有穿衣镜，饭厅门口倒是有一面。每当我穿上一件漂亮的新连衣裙，我就禁不住暗暗地想往镜子里瞧瞧自己。但总是在要去瞧的时候就感到特别不自在而踉跄离去——总是在关键时刻打了退堂鼓。

Our bedroom has no full-length mirror. There is one at the canteen entrance. I always cherish a secret desire to take a peep before it at myself in a beautiful new dress. However, each time when it comes to the fulfillment, I get seized with such an uneasiness that I literally stagger away—backing out at the critical moment.

我就是这么羞怯，简直羞怯得不可救药！

Shy I am, so helplessly!

我从小就对自己没有信心，这是问题的根子。这种情绪使我受到一点点表扬都会难为情，使我怎么也说不出一个“不”字，也使我不敢向父母多要一分钱。此外，这种缺乏的情况也影响了我对钢琴的热爱。

At the root of it is my difference by which I have been enslaved since childhood. It embarrasses me at the mildest flattery, crushes my utmost efforts to say "no", and prevents me from asking my parents for one cent more than necessary. Among other things, diffidence has wormed it way into my love piano.

那是我14岁的时候，有一具星期天的早晨，我被一阵唱赞美诗的歌声唤醒。我循着这上帝的召唤来到附近的一所教堂，一进教堂我就被那钢琴的乐音吸引住了，简直不能自拔。可是我父母哪儿买得起钢琴呀。更糟糕的是，据说钢琴家都有音乐细胞，是遗传的；我想我父亲是工程师，母亲是技术员，哪会遗传什么音乐细胞呀。可是好多天我脑子里尽想这些，我是在梦想了。

At the age of 14, one Sunday morning, I was woken up by a resounding hymn. Tracing that call of God into a neighbouring church, I found myself inexorably attracted by the melody of a piano—something beyond the means of my parents. To make it worse, people say a pianist is supposed to have music in the blood, but I believe I had none from my engineer father and technician mother. For days on end, I kept thinking of nothing else. I had a dream.

我不是做发财的梦。为了发财我的几个好朋友都下海了，当了个体商贩。她们手指上戴的金戒指脖子上戴的精美项链有时也让我看得眼花缭乱，但是透过这些东西我仿佛看见她们也有难言之隐，使我对这种发财狂望而生畏退避三舍。失望之余，我孤独自处，被缺乏自信的情绪沉重地笼罩着，什么也干不了，只好转向梦想求得安慰，求得勇气来好高骛远地希冀那得不到的东西。我深信我要想买得起昂贵物品（对我来说，那就是钢琴），首先必须在学业上求上进，力求学历尽量高些。

It wasn't a dream after gold, which enticed some of my close friends to engage in business as a self-employed trader or a street pedlar. I was sometimes dazzled by their gold rings or elegant necklaces behind which, however, I seemed to catch sight of skeletons in their cupboards and was frightened away from the craze for fortune. Out of despair, I retreated into seclusion, diffidence weighing heavy on me. I could do nothing but turn to my dream for comfort, for courage to aim high and wish for the impossible. I was convinced that before I could afford anything expensive(to me, it was a piano), I should climb up the academic ladder as high as possible.

这以后的九个年头，为了保持求学（尤其是英语学习）的高昂斗志，我压抑着对音乐的朦胧向往。我的这番努力取得了丰硕成果，我在家乡读完了中学和大学，都很顺利。我还考上了首都北京的一家名牌大学读第二学位。当我接到通知书时我真感动得热泪盈眶了。我懂英语，我知道这就是我的本钱，我可以和有钢琴的人进行互助，我教他英语他让我钢琴。

For the next nine years I carefully smothered my hazy aspiration for music to keep aflame my quest for learning, especially in English studies. My efforts were so rewarding that I went successfully through high school and college in my hometown. When I received the admission notice for a second degree course at a prestigious university in Beijing, the national capital, tears welled up in my eyes. I knew my command of English was my asset, for I might make a deal with a pianist who would give me across to his piano in exchange for English lessons.

这个愿望实现了！

And that has come true!

时至今日，每当我手指触及雪白的琴键，准备弹一曲时，仍然感到羞怯。我深知自己音乐天赋有限，但我这个爱梦想的羞怯女孩却找到了一条成功之路，那就是竭尽一切努力梦想成真。

To this day whenever I lay my fingers on the snowwhite keyboard, ready for a melody, I still feel shy. I am quite aware of my limited music talent, but as a shy dreamer I have found my way to success—making every effort to turn a dream into reality.

(乔萍、瞿淑蓉、宋洪玮 编著)

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