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Forget the chafing dish. Just give me the money.
An increasing number of brides and grooms want cold hard cash as presents, wedding-industry insiders say. Gracefully communicating that desire to their invitees, however, can be a challenge.
Traditional gifts started losing some luster a few years ago, with the rise of Web sites that let wedding guests contribute toward the honeymoon. New economic realities are now further shaping couples' priorities.
People are marrying later, for instance -- men at 27.5 and women at 25.6, on average -- which means newlyweds often have already set up house and are saddled with credit-card debt. Recently plunging investments make cash a lot more welcome -- and a lot more needed -- than, say, a blender.
It's an awkward subject for most people. But there are a few things a bride and groom can do to encourage cash gifts without offending Great Aunt Mimi.
Be Sensitive
Couples should consider how their guests will react before including money as an explicit gift option. Wedding experts say that to some extent, acceptance depends on geography. Many guests at New York and Los Angeles weddings feel cash is an acceptable present. But it's not so common in the Midwest. And some in the South believe it's too impersonal, so couples there may have to work extra hard to overcome an anticash sentiment.
Reactions can vary by age, too. While younger generations will 'get it,' friends of the parents and grandparents may feel queasy about the idea, says Rebecca Dolgin, executive editor of theknot.com, a New York-based Web site about weddings. Older people often still prefer giving tangible gifts, convinced that the recipients will enjoy unwrapping the surprise.
Some say the current economic situation is easing tensions when it comes to talking about money, meaning older guests from Mississippi may now be more willing to write a check. Of course, the recession also means that check may be rather small, since guests could be struggling themselves.
Be Subtle
Some people will write 'monetary gifts preferred' on their wedding invitations. But going that route can have disastrous results, according to Jenny Orsini, a wedding planner based in Springfield, N.J. 'I might actually buy them a purple-and-green-polka-dot cheese grater just for saying that,' she warns.
Couples should never tell guests outright that they want money. In fact, it's bad wedding etiquette to mention wanting any gifts at all, because that implies a guest must buy something in order to attend the wedding.
'It's a terrible idea to include any of this information in your invitation,' says Elise Mac Adam, a New York-based wedding-etiquette expert and author. 'That's craven,' she says. 'It's like you're buying a ticket to the wedding.'
She and other experts suggest asking the family or bridal party to help get the word out -- after guests ask about gift preferences. An insert in the invitation, too, can provide a link to a Web site with information about gifts and other matters related to the wedding. It's important for such sites to include practical details, like directions and accommodations for out-of-town guests, so as not to just seem like a plea for presents. (Ms. Mac Adam says she was once shocked by a bride-to-be who asked whether she could include her bank-account number.)
