Difference Between Cultures
I have always found the Chinese to be a very gracious people. In particular, Chinese frequently compliment foreign friends on their language skills,knowledge of Chinese culture, professional accomplishments, and personal health.Curiously, however, Chinese are as loath to accept a complimentas they are eager to give one.
As many of my Chinese friends have explained,this is a manifestation of the Chinese virtue of modesty. I have noticed a difference, though, in the degree to which modesty is emphasized in the United States and China. In the US, we tend to place more emphasis on “seeking the truth from fact;” thus, Americans tend to accept a compliment with gratitude. Chinese, on the other hand, tend to reject the compliment, even when they know they deserve the credit or recognition which has been awarded them. I can imagine a Chinese basketball fan meeting Michael Jordan of the Chicago Bulls. He might say, “Mr. Jordan, I am so happy to meet you. I just want to tell you, you are the best basketball player in the world; you’re the greatest!” to which Jordan would probably respond, “Thank you very much. I really appreciate it! I just do try to do my best every time I step on the court.” If an American met Deng Yaping, China’s premier pingpong player, he might say much the same thing: “Ms. Deng, you’re the best!” but as a Chinese, Deng would probably say, “No, I really don’t play all that well. You’re too much kind.” Plainly, Americans and Chinese have different ways of responding to praise. Ironically, many Americans might consider Ms. Deng’s hypothetical response the less modest, because it is less truthful — and therefore less sincere. Americans generally place sincerity above etiquette; genuine gratitude for the praise serves as a substitute for protestations of modesty. After all, in the words of one of my closest Chinese friends, modesty taken to the extreme is arrogance.