From the beginning of our relationship, Will and I knew it would be tough. I live on Florida’s east coast, near New Smyrna Beach. Will’s house, in Orlando, is an hour and a half away — and that’s in good traffic. To people whose relationships cross state lines or time zones, that probably doesn’t sound so bad. And that’s fair; we had it better than plenty of people who have to hop on a plane to see their partner. But in many ways, long distance is long distance, regardless of the actual number of miles: spending time together required careful planning, was rarely spontaneous, and was never as often as I wanted it to be.
刚开始谈恋爱，我和威尔就知道这段恋情将很艰难。我住在佛罗里达州的东海岸，靠近新士麦那海滩。而威尔家在奥兰多，离我一个半小时——前提是交通不堵的情况下。对跨州或跨时区的恋人来说，我们的情况好像并没有那么糟糕。这很公平；比那些需要坐飞机才能看到另一半的人来说，我们已经好很多了。但在很多方面，异地就是异地，不管你们实际相隔多远：想要见面就不得不精密筹划、不能想见就见，而且见面的次数根本没有我想要的那么多。
There isn’t much data out there on the prevalence of long-distance relationships, but one estimate puts the number at roughly 7 million couples in the U.S., or 14 million people. According to psychologist Gregory Guldner, former head of the now-defunct Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships, these numbers are likely on the rise, fueled in part by the increased popularity of dating apps and connections made over social media.
关于异地恋的数据没有很多，但有人估计美国大约有700万对异地恋恋人，或者说是1400万人。据现已结业的异地恋研究中心的前任领导、心理学家格雷戈里•古尔德纳表示，这一数据可能仍在上升，部分原因是日益普及的约会软件和社交媒体带来的联络。
With so many people in long-distance relationships, more scientists have started devoting their energies to figuring out how these relationships work. In a 2015 study titled “Go Long! Predictors of Positive Relationship Outcomes in Long-Distance Dating Relationships,” published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, researchers identified several factors linked to the success of these partnerships. Distance apart, the frequency of in-person contact, and “attitudes about the prospect of one’s relationship” all made the list, but the most important factors for success were commitment and communication — same as with couples who live near each other.
由于很多人都是异地恋，因此越来越多的科学家开始投入精力去弄清如何维系这种恋情。2015年一项名为“Go Long! Predictors of Positive Relationship Outcomes in Long-Distance Dating Relationships”的研究发表在《性与婚姻治疗》期刊上，研究人员发现了与异地恋成功相关的几个因素。异地距离、见面的频率以及“对恋爱前景的态度”都榜上有名，但恋情成功的最重要因素还是承诺和沟通——对于生活在一起的恋人也同样适用。
The tricky thing about this is that communicating well is so much harder when you can only rarely do it face-to-face. And, as Will and I both learned the hard way, that’s never clearer than when you’re fighting: Separated by so many miles, it’s easier to just ignore the messages coming through your phone, and harder to muster up the energy to resolve things. After all, it’s not like you know you’ll see the other person at home later that night.
而比较困难的是，当你们很难面对面时，良好的沟通就变得尤为困难。对此我和威尔深有感触，尤其是吵架时更加清晰：相隔甚远，忽略手机上的短信更为容易，但集中精力解决问题却更为困难。毕竟，吵完架回家的那天晚上，她/他根本就不在家。
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