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Don't Compliment Kids by Insulting Yourself
永远不要贬低自己来抬高孩子
By now we know that when we praise kids, we should focus less on natural ability or intelligence and more on effort. As in, "You worked so hard on that homework!" versus "You're so smart!" But adults have another way of complimenting kids that we should also do away with—insulting our own ability by comparing it to theirs.
现在我们知道，表扬孩子时，不应执着于他们与身俱来的能力或智力，而应更多的关注他们的努力。例如，“这门功课你学得很用功哦！”而不是“你真聪明！”但成年人还应避免另一种表扬方式——贬低自己，抬高孩子。
On Reddit, user u/Luke_7 explains:
Reddit用户u/Luke_7解释道：
I work in a school and often hear adults say things like, "Wow, you're such a good artist! I can't draw anywhere near that well," or "You're so good at math, I could never do my times tables that fast." Using phrasing like that teaches kids (or anyone) that 1. All talent is competitive—how good you are at something is defined by how much better you are than others and 2. That their success makes others feel bad about themselves, and by extension they should feel bad about others' success.
我在学校工作，经常听到孩子的父母说：“哇，你真是个有天分的艺术家！我可画不到你这么好，”或者“你的数学真好，我背乘法口诀表都没有你快。”这种措辞会让孩子（或任何人）觉得1.所有才能都是可比较的——对某事的擅长程度取决于你是否比他人更优秀；2.他们的成功会让其他人产生挫败感，引申开来，别人的成功也会让他们感到失败。
I have probably been guilty of this because, well, I can't draw as well as my son and he does intuitively understand math in a way I never have. But their success is not a success because of someone else's failure; it's because of the effort they've put in. So instead, u/Luke_7 offers this improved script:
我可能会因为画画/数学不如儿子而感到惭愧，但他们的成功并不能反映别人的失败；他们之所以成功是因为他们付出了努力。所以，用户u/Luke_7建议家长这样说：
Model positive effort-based comments, like, "Wow you're so good at art! I hope I can be that good someday if I keep practicing!" Or non-comparative positive statements, like, "Wow you're so good at art! It's so fun to use your imagination to make something new."
表扬孩子付出努力的正面模板，例如：“哇，你画的真好！如果我继续练习的话，总有一天会画得和你一样棒！”非攀比性的正面评论，例如“哇，你画的真好！你发挥了想象力，创造出的新画作真是太有趣了。”
This goes for adults, too. I can tell you how lovely your home is without mentioning what a disaster mine happens to be at the moment. Putting ourselves down to raise up others can have the unintended consequence of making everyone feel a little worse.
这也适用于成年人。夸赞他人房子的同时无需提及自己家里一团糟。贬低自己抬高别人会带来意想不到的后果，最终导致心情变差。
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