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托福写作批改点评 第11期:TPO1综合写作

来源:可可英语 编辑:wendy   可可英语APP下载 |  可可官方微信:ikekenet
Target text(文章正文):

We could agree everything has good side and bad side, and four-day work has no expection of it.

In the lecture, the lecturer siad the four-day work may force the company to train more employees because they will lose some labor by the four-day work. That will make the company not only spend more money on training new employees but also on new employees' health care and paying.

The second point in the lecture is those employees who want four-day work may need to finish five days work in four days which means they will suffer more pressure. This decrease their life quality by giving them more pressure and harder work. in the contrary, the reading passage shows four-day work can give the employees better life quality because they won't have so much work and pressure.

Finally, the lecturer also argues that four-day work will be the beginning of losing their jobs. As point one shows, more employees will be put in the work and the business may not afford so many employees which means they need to decrease their employees amount.


TPO小站综合点评及批改意见:

首先,从总体上来看,文章字数不够。其次,开篇段的内容过于简略。另外,文中有语法错误,部分句子表意不是特别明确。建议首先将字数添加上去,可参考范文对开篇段及具体论证方式、内容进行修改。

预估分数3

学习建议:

1、尝试用反面观点来进行论证。

2、写文章前先制定写作大纲。

3、写作是需要注意使用的论证方式,写好之后要回看修改。

4、注意论据和论点之间的关系要紧密。

5、论证方式要多样化。

6、注意论据要多用细节。看是否有更多的论据来支撑观点。

重点单词   查看全部解释    
pressure ['preʃə]

想一想再看

n. 压力,压强,压迫
v. 施压

联想记忆
quality ['kwɔliti]

想一想再看

n. 品质,特质,才能
adj. 高品质的

 
contrary ['kɔntrəri]

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adj. 相反的,截然不同的
adv. 相反(

联想记忆
lecturer ['lektʃərə]

想一想再看

n. 演讲者,讲师

 

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