Mike: Com eon, come on, come on. Stop giggling. Let's go Chris. Here we go, here we go.
Chrissy: I think I broke a nail.
Mike: Boys don't care about broken nails.
Chrissy: I don't either.
Rachel: you know, if I ever got married again and had another child, I think I'd like a boy.
Chrissy: I'm a boy.
Rachel: Yes sweetheart, I know that.
Chrissy: It's the truth.
Kid: mike let's play.
Mike: Ok.

Chrissy: Yeah.
Mike: I'm always up for a little play. Let's go, let's go. Alright look, yesterday you felt like a
college kid, today you are going to feel like a four year old, and by third date, you are going to
be in diapers.
Rachel: I can't wait.
Mike: Are you ready guys?
Chrissy: Ready.
Mike: Ok. Here we go. One, two, three.
Rachel: Um, speaking of a third date, I was wondering if maybe.....
Mike: Oh no. Ah look, I can explain everything.
Ben: Daddy, daddy, daddy.
Lady: That's your son?
Eddie: Yeah, he's big like his mother.
Rachel: Mike, you were saying?
Mike: Nothing. Nothing. You were saying?
Rachel: Oh I was saying, speaking of a third date, um, I was just wondering if you weren't
busy tonight and you could get a sitter,
Mike: That wouldn't be a problem.
Rachel: So how about coming to my house for dinner tonight?
Mike: So you cook too?
Rachel: No.
Mike: I would love to.
Rachel: Yeah.
Mike: Yeah, I would love to.
Rachel: I'm probably making a big mistake telling you this, but I feel safe with you.
Mike: You do?
Rachel: Uh hu. I haven't met anybody in a long time that I can trust.
Ben: What a great daddy. I gave me twenty dollars for the ice cream truck.
Rachel: I want my change young man. Or you won't sit for a week. You got that pus bag?

Mike: No I'm serious. She says she trusts me.
Eddie: Michael, trust is the second most important thing a woman can give you, because
without it you can't get the first
Mike: Eddie, come on man. She's been hurt before.
Eddie: Not your fault.
Mike: Eddie, she's got a little girl.
Eddie: Alright Mike. I see what you are getting at. You feel it was a mistake for you to go to
Parents Without Mates last night. And you are right.
Mike: Ok.

Eddie: You should have gone to parents without brains.
Mike: Yeah.
Ben: Eddie, I saw your car downstairs. Here is your change form the ice cream money.
Eddie: Thirty seven cents! You wasted my twenty dollars on ice cream?
Ben: No. On a new CD.
Eddie: Oh no no, no. Don't give me that. I'm not made of money.
Ben: Well dad, you should have thought of that before you brought me into this world.
Mike: Hey, stop, stop. Cut it out. Cut it out. Now get out of here.
Eddie: Yeah fungus.
Mike: I'm talking to you too.
Eddie: Oh, hey, fine. I've got some news that could cheer you up, but you're making me leave.
Mike: No, alright, alright, what is it.
Eddie: Ok. You know my girlfriend Natalie?
Mike: Yeah.
Eddie: Well I just found out that she's got a daughter my own age. I think we are talking
letters to Penthouse here.
Mike: get out. Get out.

Jason: It's tacky enough.
Maggie: No comment. Jason, wouldn't it be easier if we had this professionally installed?
Jason: Maggie, those guys get three, four hundred dollars.
Maggie: Ben move.
Ben: I can't.
Jason: Come on. I'm trying to lay linoleum in here.
Ben: Then what did you guys have Eddie: sand the floor for?
Mike: What's that?
Ben: Oh, my new cd.
Maggie: Where did you get the money to buy this?
Ben: Uh, money.
Jason: You don't have any money Ben.
Ben: Did I say I bought it? I meant I stole it.

Jason: Mike! Mike!
Mike: Yeah.
Jason: Where's that slime ball Eddie? Eddie?
Mike: Ah he just left. Why? Is something the matter?
Jason: After what Ben told me Eddie did, a lot.
Mike: Eddie did something?
Jason: Oh yeah. He actually paid Ben to pretend to be his son so Eddie could get closer to this
vulnerable, unsuspecting woman. Can you imagine that?
Mike: I can. Did Ben say anything else?
Jason: Isn't that enough?
Mike: It is for me.
Jason: How's Ben supposed to learn to respect women when there is an example like that
around? I'm just glad that he still looks up to you Mike. I mean you have really done some
hair brain things in you life, but you've never done anything as hurtful and scummy as that.
Mike: Don't you think you are being a little strong dad?
Jason: How else would you describe it Mike? When somebody takes advantage of somebody at
there weakest moment like that?
Mike: I never really thought of it like that. And I'm sure Eddie never really thought it through
either.
Jason: That's nice of you mike. Sticking up for your friend like that. I'm just glad that I don't
have a son who would do something like that.

Rachel: Mike, you're early.
Mike: Hi. Rachel, there's some things that I've been thinking about and there's some thing I
really need to talk to you about and I don't think it should wait.
Rachel's mother: Rach, I can't find Jude's penguin. This has to be him.
Rachel: Yep. Mum, this is Mike Seaver. Mike this is my mother Betty.
Rachel's mother: My pleasure.
Rachel: excuse me. I'll just get Judith's penguin.
Mother: You don't look so goofy to me.
Mike: Oh, well she told you about that.
Rachel: You remember Mike.
Judith: Remember! We were talking about him all day.
Mother: We should go. We are going to have such fun. Say goodnight.
Rachel: Bye mum.
Mother: Bye.
Judith: Bye mummy. Bye Mike.
Mother: We're off.
Rachel: So Mike, what was it that couldn't wait?
Mike: Ah, maybe it can wait.
Rachel: Ok, I'll go get my appetizers.
Mike: No, it can't wait.
Rachel: Ok.
Mike: Get your appetizers.
Rachel: Ok.
Mike: No.

Rachel: can I uh, get you something to drink?
Mike: Look Rachel, I'm not who I said I was. I've never been married.
Rachel: Never been married!
Mike: No.
Rachel: It's ok.
Mike: It is.
Rachel: You don_t have to explain anything. All that matters is the love I see between you and
your son. Can I get you something to drink? Wine, soft drink, puffball?
Mike: Look, my son is a girl.
Rachel: Pardon.
Mike: Yes Chris. Chris it_s my little sister Chrissy. And Eddie that sleazy guy at the meeting
who I said I didn't know...
Rachel: The guy who works for the CIA?
Mike: Yeah, that's the one. Look, he thought it would be a good idea if the two of us went
down to the Parents Without Mates meeting, to meet some girls. So I went. I'm not a father.
I guess I'm not much of anything. Rachel, come on. Say something.
Rachel: You lied to me.
Mike: Look, I…
Rachel: No. I thought you were different.
Mike: Look. Come on Rachel. I know you must have been through a lot and I didn't meet to
hurt you. Honest.
Rachel: Yeah well nobody means to hurt anybody, but it still happens. Doesn't it?
Mike: Look, the easiest thing in the world for me to have done tonight would have been to not
show up here. You know, but the only reason I am standing here acting like a complete fool is,
is because you mean something to me. You mean a lot to me. I mean I really do care about
you Rachel and, I mean, can we just start over? Please. What do you say? My name's Mike
Seaver and I'm not a father.

Mike: Thanks a lot dad. For nothing.
Jason: What's wrong Mike? Come here. Sit.
Mike: You want to know what's wrong? Ok, I'll tell you what's wrong. Eddie's mad at me.
Jason: He is?
Mike: Yes, because I told him how angry you were.
Jason: And?
Mike: And, well he decided to go over to this girl_s house in person, and tell her that he was
lying to her and that he really didn't have children and ask for her forgiveness. It was really
hard for him dad, because he was about to walk out the door, but he didn't. I mean he really
wanted to start over with this girl with a clean slate. Because he really likes her.
Jason: What happened?

Mike: She kicked him out.
Jason: Poor Eddie.
Mike: I mean what else could he have done? I mean it should have worked out ok.
Jason: Well you got to tell him Mike, you know, sometimes there are things in the adult world
that cannot be fixed. But don't let Eddie doubt for one minute that he did the right thing.
Mike: Yeah. Goodnight.
Jason: Oh Mike. Something else you can tell Eddie for me.
Mike: Yeah.
Jason: I'm very proud he's my son.