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Mike: I lost my family.
Ned: Hey, Mike? If it's any consolation, I think you really did help your kids. You did your job, and now the hero can move on.
Mike: I don't want to. Maybe they don't need me anymore, but I need them.
Ned: Hey, not to be a buzzkill, but you're due in court in 22 minutes.
Mike: Ned, I need more time. I have to stop this.
Ned: To the Nedmobile.
Mike: Wait, Ned, Ned, Ned.
Ned: Yes.
Mike: Pants.
Ned: I should have pants on. Yes.
Ned: Come on, Glenn! He's nothing but a glorified midget wrangler. You wouldn't be so big without that vest! Grab that thing that's down there. Grab it. Just hold that up.
Mike: Where you get this?
Ned: Best 20 ever spent. Saves me a half hour on my commute.
Mike: OK.
Ned: Dude, just hold it. Hold it way up.
Man: The whole truth, nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Scarlet: I do.
Judge: You request a divorce by the state of California citing irreconcilable differences. This correct?
Scarlet: Yes, Your Honor.
Judge: Is Michael O'Donnell present?
Lawyer: No, Your Honor.
Judge: I take his absence as agreement to the orders of the divorce. Let's proceed. You are not requesting sole custody?
Scarlet: No, Your Honor.
Ned: You can't handle the truth!
Judge: What?
Ned: I'm sorry, I panicked. It was the first thing that came into my mind. Your Majesty.
Judge: Who are you?
Scarlet: That's my husband's best friend.
Judge: You a lawyer, best friend?
Ned: Yes.
Scarlet: No.
Ned: I believe the law degree in my pocket says so. Yes, and it's a little bit smeared because I sat on it in the car, not because I printed it out recently.
Judge: Let's pretend that's real. You want to explain what you're doing here?
Ned: We... are stopping a gross...miscarriage of justice! That...
Mike: Okay, if you'd just let me explain. I can explain this. If you would just listen...I've got a letter from Mike O'Donnell, he's the husband in this case!
Judge: I'm sorry. We're in the middle...
Scarlet: Your Honor, if it's okay, I'd like to hear the letter, please.
Mike: Thank you, Your Honor. This is a letter from Mike O'Donnell. He wanted me to read it. "Scarlet, before you go through with this, I want to remind you of September 7th, 1988. It was the first time that I saw you. You were reading Less Than Zero. You were wearing a Guns N' Roses T-shirt. I'd never seen anything so perfect. I remember thinking that I had to have you, or I'd die. Then you whispered that you loved me at the homecoming dance. And I felt so peaceful and safe. Because I knew that no matter what happened from that day on, nothing could ever be that bad. Because I had you. And then I grew up and I lost my way. And I blamed you for my failures. And I know that you think you have to do this today. I don't want you to. But I guess if I love you, I should let you move on.
Judge: All right, son, you need to go now. Let's proceed.
Scarlet: I'm sorry, Your Honor. Would it be okay if we postpone this for now for just a little while? Would that be okay?
Judge: Postponed 30 days. Next case.
