Joey: WHOAA! !

Chandler: See Joe, that's why your parents told you not to jump on the bed.

Monica: Hey, look at me. I'm making jam, been at it since 4 o'clock this morning.

Ross: Where'd you get fruit at four in the morning?

Monica: Went down to the docks. Hey, Bet you don't know you can get it wholesale.

Rachel: I didn't know there were docks.

Joey: Hey. Hey. Aww, is it broken?

Joey: No, I gotta wear this thing for a couple of weeks.

Rachel: Did you tell the doctor you did it jumping up and down on your bed?

Joey: Nooo. I had a story all worked out but then uh, Chandler sold me out.

Chandler: Well, I'm sorry Joe. I didn't think the doctor was gonna buy that it just FELL out of the socket.

Joey: What is this? Fruit?

Rachel: Monica's making jam.

Joey: Whoa, jam! I love jam! Hey, how come we never have jam at our place?

Chandler: Because the kids need new shoes.

Monica: One into business people. I'm sick and tired of being depressed about Richard.

I needed a plan, plan to get over my man. What's the opposite of man? Jam. Oh Joey don't! It's way too hot.

Joey: This'll just be my batch, right.

Phoebe: Um, that's it. No. Hey! You! J.Crew guy. Yeah. Why have you been following me? I mean, all week long everywhere I look there's you.

Guy: You wouldn't return my calls, you sent back my letters...

Phoebe: What?

Guy: One more chance Ursula, please.

Phoebe: Oooh. Oh, oh this is awkward. Wh...

Phoebe: Um, yeah, 'cause you want Ursula, and I'm Phoebe. Twin sisters! Seriously.

Guy: Oh, that's great. I'm stalking the wrong woman. I am such a dingus!

Phoebe: Oh, you're not a dingus.

Guy: I just, I want-want you to know I didn't used to be like this.

Before I met your sister I was like this normal guy who sold beepers and cellular phones.

Phoebe: Well, I mean look, it's, it's not your fault, you know. I mean this is just, this's what she does to guys, ok? It's just...

Guy: Well, thanks.

Phoebe: Wait, you know what, I got a little story. When I was in junior high school I went through this period where I thought I was a witch.

And there was this guidance counselor who said something to me, that I think will help you a lot.

He said ok, 'you're not a witch you're just an average student.' See what I'm saying?

Guy: Not really.

Phoebe: Um, well, get over it. So, I mean you, you just seem like a really nice guy, you know. I just, don't be so hard on yourself, ok?

Guy: Wait. You're right. I know you're right. And, thanks for being so nice. Here.

Phoebe: Oh, thanks a lot. Do you wanna get a cup of coffee or? Yeah, ok.

Phoebe: Ok. you don't have to walk behind me anymore.

Rachel: Mon? Mon?

Rachel: 'Gone for more jars. Back later. Monica Geller.'

Ross: Wait a minute, look. What? Look, look, look. What, what, what?

Ross: It's an empty apartment. Oooh.

Ross: We're all alone in an empty apartment.

Rachel: Honey, come on, I have to be at work in like ten minutes Oh, all right, well it's not like I'm employee of the year or anything.

Ross: There it is. Oh, oh, that's what you're talking about. Hey. Hey.

Chandler: Do I look fat?

Ross and Noo.

Chandler: Ok, I accept that. When Janice asked me and I said no, she took that to mean that I was calling her a cow.

Rachel: Ok, walk us through it, honey, walk us through it.

Chandler: Ok, well. Janice said 'Hi, do I look fat today?' And I, I looked at her...

Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You looked at her. You never look.

You just answer, it's like a reflex. Do I look fat? Nooo! Is she prettier than I am? Noo! Does size matter? Nooo!

Ross: And it works both ways.

Chandler: Ok, so you both just know this stuff?

Rachel: You know, after about thirty or forty fights, you kinda catch on.

Ross: Ok, for instance. Let's say, Janice is coming back from a trip and she gives you two options.

Option number 1, she'll take a cab home from the airport. Or option 2, you can meet her at baggage claim. What do you do?

Chandler: That's easy, baggage claim.

Ross: Wrong! Now you're single. It's actually secret option number three, you meet her at the gate. That way she knows you love her.

Chandler: Ok, this is good, this is good. All right listen, I have one.

Janice likes to cuddle, at night, which, you know I'm all for. But, uh, you know when you wanna go to sleep, you want some space.

So, uh, you know, how do I tell her that without, you know, accidentally calling her fat or something.

Rachel: Oh honey, I'm sorry we can't help you there, 'cause we're cuddly sleepers. Ok, I'm late for work.

Ross: Oh. All right are you guys gonna come down?

Ross: Uh, yeah, yeah I'll, I'm right behind you.

Rachel: Ok. Good luck Chandler. Thank you Rachel.

Ross: Bye sweetie. Bye honey.

Ross: Ok the sleeping thing. Very tricky business, but there is something you can do.

Chandler: Well, I thought you guys were cuddly sleepers.

Ross: Noo! No, not cuddly, not me, just her. I'm like you, I need the room. Ok, come here. Ok, you're in bed... Yeah.

Ross: I'm gonna use the cushion. Yeah.

Ross: Ok, you're in bed. She's over on your side, cuddling. Now you wait for her to drift off, and then you hug her and roll her over to her side of the bed. And then you roll away. Hug for her! Roll for you.

Chandler: Ok, the old hug and roll.

Ross: Yep. Ok, one question. Shoot. You're pretending the pillow's a girl right?

Joey: Remember when you where a kid and your mom would drop you off at the movies with a jar of jam and a little spoon?

Rachel: You're so pretty.

Phoebe: Hi! Hey, Phoebe.

Phoebe: Hey, oh, you know that guy who's been following me? I talked to him today.

Joey: You talked to him. Are you crazy?

Phoebe: Ok, first I'm not crazy. And second, say it, don't spray it.

Anyway his name is Malcom, and he wasn't following me, I mean he was, but just 'cause he thought I was Ursula.

And, that's why, that's why he couldn't just come up and talk to me. 'Cause of the restraining order.

Chandler: Umm, not feeling better about Malcom.

Phoebe: Ooh! No, no, no, no, he's not like a kook, no. He's just like this, this very passionate, incredibly romantic guy, that got like a teensy bit carried away, you know.

And we just get along really well, and he's so cute.

Ross: Oh my God, you've got a crush on your sister's stalker.

Phoebe: No, I'm just gonna help him, you know, get 'de-Ursula-ized', like you know, like I did for Joey after he went out with her.

Joey: Hey, I didn't stalk her. I mean.

Phoebe: Ok, I asked for the news, not the weather.

Monica: Hey guys. Hey Mon.

Monica: Joey, this is for you. It's blackberry currant. Aww. Ohh!

Chandler: Ok, Joe, I gotta ask. The girl from the Xerox place buck naked, or, or a big tub of jam.

Joey: Put your hands together.

Monica: Joey, take your time with that. That's my last batch.

Joey: No more jam? !

Rachel: Well, what happened to your jam plan?

Monica: I figured out I need to charge seventeen bucks a jar just to break even. So, I've got a new plan now. Babies.

Chandler: Well, you're gonna need much bigger jars.

Ross: What are you talking about? I'm talking about me having a baby.

Ross: What? Are you serious?

Monica: Yeah. The great thing about the jam plan was, I was taking control of my life.

So I asked myself, what is the most important thing to me in the world and that's when I came up with the baby plan.

Ross: Well, aren't you forgeting something? What, what, what is uh, what is that guy's name? Dad!

Monica: It took me 28 years to find one man that I wanna spend my life with, if I have to wait another 28 years then, I'll be 56 before I can have a baby, and that's just stupid.

Chandler: That's what's stupid?

Monica: I don't need an actual man, just a couple of his best swimmers, you know? And there are places that you can go to get that, stuff.

Rachel: Down at the docks again?