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As a child, when faced with a dilemma, my mother encouraged me to ask, "What would Jesus do?"
小时候当我面临两难处境时，我母亲会鼓励我问， "耶稣会怎么做"
The answer to that was always, "Love thy neighbor."
答案永远都是， "爱邻如爱己"
But my neighbor had a dead tooth, so... that wasn't going to happen.
但我的邻居有一颗烂牙，所以...我不可能爱他
But...that's why I changed it to, "What would Spock do?"
但...也因此我把问题改成， "史波克会怎么做"
Did you find that helpful?
你觉得对你有帮助吗
Yes. Oh, for example, three years ago when I discovered Penny was eating all my PopTarts, instead of getting angry or vindictive, you know, I got a floor safe.
对啊，比如三年前当我发现佩妮总吃掉我所有果塔饼干，我没有生气或怀恨在心，反之我装了一个地板保险箱
I knew I could smell 'em.
我就知道我有闻到饼干味
What about from when you were a kid?
不如从你小时候说起
Oh, certainly. Uh, when I was eight years old, Billy Sparks cornered me in the playground.
好的，在我八岁的时候，比利·斯帕克斯在操场上把我逼到角落
I asked myself, "What would Spock do?" Then I grabbed Billy on his shoulder and performed my first Vulcan nerve pinch.
我就问我自己， "史波克会怎么做"，然后我抓住比利的肩膀，使出了我人生第一次瓦肯掐脖术
Did it work? Oh, no he broke my collarbone. I can still hear it click.
管用吗，没用啊，他把我锁骨弄断了，现在一动还会咯咯响
That must have been very upsetting for you.
那一定让你非常失望
Oh, not at all. As I said, the entire point of emulating Spock was to rise above human emotion, which I've spent a lifetime mastering.
完全没有，我前面就说了，效仿史波克的重点就是克服人类情绪，而我已花一生的时间来掌握它
Excuse me? I'm sorry. I'm not here.
怎么回事，抱歉，当我不在
No. You went . What does mean? You did go.
不，你这样是啥意思，你的确那样了
All right, fine. Well, Sheldon, I'm no expert, but aren't you completely missing the point of Spock?
好吧，谢尔顿，我虽然不是专家，但你好像完全没抓住史波克的重点
I mean, he liked to act like he had no emotions, but he was still half human. Just like you.
他喜欢表现得好像自己没有情感，但他仍是半个人类，就像你
I'm just saying, you pretend you don't, but you have feelings just like everybody else.
我的意思是，你假装你没有，但你也是有情绪的人，就像其他人一样
Not true. No, look at me. I had an engagement ring to give a girl, and instead, she rejected me.
不对，你看我，我本来要向一位女孩求婚，但在求婚之前，她就先跟我分手了
And am I emotional about that? No. No, I am sitting here on a couch, talking about my favorite TV character like nothing happened.
我有对此情绪激动吗，没有，相反我坐在沙发上若无其事般地谈论我最爱的电视角色
'Cause I am just like him: all logical, all the time.
因为我跟他一模一样，由始至终保持理智
Sweetie, you're yelling.
亲爱的，你已经开始嚷嚷了
Because when I speak at a regular volume, no one seems to believe me that I've put this Amy nonsense behind me!
因为当我用正常音量讲话时都没人相信，我已经把艾米的这破事抛诸脑后了
This documentary is gonna be awesome.
这部纪录片的精彩度绝对爆表
You gonna be okay down here? Yeah. Yeah,
你在下面没事吧，没事
I feel like an archaeologist. Indiana Jones and the SingleFamily Dwelling.
我觉得自己好像考古学家，印第安纳·琼斯之单户家庭房历险
Hey. Look! Found a seashell.
看，我找到一个贝壳
Yeah, that's a rat skull. Relax.
那是死老鼠的头盖骨，别紧张
There's enough droppings down here without you making more.
这里动物屎尿够多了，你别再给我们增加
Sorry. Do you have a... sense of where we are?
抱歉，你知道我们现在大概到哪里了吗
Yeah. I think that's the den.
知道，我想那里应该是小室吧
Okay, so we must be under the dining room.
好，我们应该是在餐厅下面了
Yep. You know, I know you don't want to hear this, but it wouldn't take that much work to turn that den into a nursery.
没错，我知道你不想听到这个，但如果把那个小室改造成婴儿室花不了什么功夫
Why wouldn't I want to hear it?
我为什么不想听到这个呀
'Cause Bernie said you didn't want kids.
因为妮妮说你不想要孩子
That's not true at all. I-I wish she'd get pregnant, believe me. I'm climbing on top of her every chance I get. In a... loving and respectful manner.
完全不是，我非常希望她怀孕，相信我，我一有机会就往她身上爬，当然是以一种充满爱与恭敬的方式
The point is, I really do want kids. I don't know why she's lying to you. She's the one who doesn't want kids.
重点是我真的很想要孩子，我不知道她为什么要骗你，她才是不想要孩子的那个
In fact, every time I bring up the subject...
事实上，每次我提到这事
Earthquake! Oh, my God, we're gonna die! Aftershock...!
地震来了，我的天，我们死定了，余震来了
I can't believe Sheldon was gonna ask Amy to marry him. I know.
我不敢相信谢尔顿本来打算向艾米求婚，我知道
I also can't believe he watched what we did on that couch and still sits on it. Yeah.
我更不敢相信他目睹了我们在沙发上"做"的事还敢坐在上面，是呀
Hello. Hey, buddy. How you doing? Better.
你们好，老兄，你还好吗？好多了
Did Wil and Adam leave? Yeah.
威尔和亚当走了吗，走了
Do you think they're going to put my outburst in the documentary? Definitely. Oh, yeah.
你觉得他们会在片里留下我暴怒的片段吗，肯定了，绝对的
Well, there's no point in dwelling on it. As the Vulcans say, "Kupfuntor ha'kiv na'ish du stau."
我也不需要纠结这事，借用一句瓦肯人的俗语 "人已杀，你无力还命"（瓦肯语）
Do you know what that means? No. Are you telling the truth? Nirsh.
你懂他的意思吗，不懂，你说的是实话吗，非也（瓦肯语）
Well, this is ridiculous.
这一切都太荒唐了
Being upset about Amy all the time isn't accomplishing anything.
总是为艾米的事伤心不能解决任何问题
If I want to resolve this situation, then I need to take action.
如果我想解决这件事，我就要行动起来
What are you gonna do?
你要干什么
I'm going to find her and ask her to marry me. And if she says yes, we can put this behind us and resume our relationship.
我要去找她，向她求婚，如果她答应了，我们就把这事彻底忘掉，重新开始我们的关系
And if she says no... well, then she can just ponfo miran.
如果她不肯答应，那她就可以去自尽了（瓦肯语）
He didn't meant that. So I should probably explain why I kind of fibbed.
他不是真心的，也许我该解释下我为什么撒了个小谎
That would be nice. I told my dad that you were the one who didn't want kids because I didn't want to disappoint him.
那想必是极好的，我告诉我爸你不想要孩子，是因为我不想让他失望
But you were okay throwing me under the bus?
让我当替死鬼，你就忍心吗
Turns out yeah, I didn't think twice about it.
事实证明，我对此毫不犹豫
Bernie, you don't need to worry about me. But I don't want to see you miss out.
妮妮，你不用担心我，但是我不想看你错过这一切
Raising children was the most rewarding experience of my life.
养育孩子是我人生中最获益匪浅的体验
Oh, please. Mom did everything.
得了吧，啥都是我妈干的
All you did was come home from work, sit on the couch and drink beer. How is that raising kids?
你只不过是每天下班回家坐在沙发上喝啤酒，这算哪门子养育孩子
This is really a conversation for husband and wife. I'm gonna go clean up, hit the road.
这话题看来只适合夫妻俩谈，我这个外人还是洗洗回家吧
If your mother asks, I was here till 10:00.
如果你妈问起，我晚上10点才离开这里
It's interesting your father didn't help around the house and Howard doesn't help, either,
真有趣，你爸爸不太做家务，霍华德也不爱做家务
so... in a way, Howard's not only like your father, but he's also like the child that you're afraid to have.
所以从某种程度来说，霍华德不光是像你爸爸，他还像是你不敢生的孩子一样
Why are you still here?
你怎么还不滚啊
Fine, I'll leave. But it sounds like somebody needs a fresh diaper.
好吧，我走了，不过某人好像需要换尿布啦
All right... I admit... that I don't help out a lot. And I need to work on that.
好吧，我承认，我的确不怎么帮忙干家务，我需要改进这一点
But...if we had a kid, it would be different.
但是如果我们有了孩子，一切都会不一样
Why? Because...when my dad left, I promised myself that...if I ever had a chance to be a father...I'd always be there.
为什么，因为当我爸离开时，我对自己保证说，如果我有机会做爸，我一定陪在孩子身边
Okay, I'll think about it.
好吧，我会考虑的
And this an actual "I'll think about it," not like the "Can we get a motorcycle with a sidecar I'll think about it"?
你这是认真考虑，而不是像"我们能买辆带跨斗的摩托车吗"那样的"考虑一下"吧
It's an actual "I'll think about it."
我是真的会认真考虑的
I really believe I'd be a great dad. I know you would.
我相信我会成为一位好爸爸，我也相信你会
Speaking of...making babies, what do you say I wash up and poke around your crawlspace?
既然说到生宝宝，不如我马上洗漱一下，然后戳戳你的小通道好不好啊
Dr. Dana feels he isn't that dangerous.
达娜医生觉得他没有那么危险
What makes you right and a trained psychiatrist wrong?
我凭什么相信你而不相信一位医生的话
Because she feels. I don't. All I know is logic.
因为她有情感，而我没有，我只按逻辑做事
Yeah, right. You can just shut your feelings off.
切，鬼才相信，你能就这样把情感大门关上
There goes television, lying to us again.
电视又一次欺骗了我们
We let you raise our children, and this is the thanks we get.
我们让你养育我们的孩子，结果你就这样报答我们
Leonard, how could I have been so foolish to try and follow in the footsteps of a madeup alien race with no emotions?
莱纳德，我怎么能这么蠢，试图去追随一个虚构的没有情感的外星人种族的脚步
Well...now instead of idolizing fictional characters, you can focus on the real people who are already in your life.
除了崇拜科幻人物，你还可以把注意力放在身边的真实人物上啊
Those are very wise words. Thank you.
好一句至理名言，谢谢
They'd just be so much more comforting if they came out of a television.
如果来自电视里听起来就更安慰人了
