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Hey, gang. Great news.
嘿，同志们，有个好消息
Popcorn Chicken is back?!
是劲爆鸡米花杀回来了吗
No, Popcorn Chicken is not back.
不是，劲爆鸡米花没杀回来
A TV crew is going to shoot an infomercial
一个电视团队要在牧场牛排餐馆
at Cattleman's Ranch!
拍一个广告宣传片
Whoa, cool!
哇，棒棒哒
An infomercial? What's that?
广告宣传片，那是什么
It's like a commercial, but longer.
就像是广告，但是更长一点
And they come on late at night.
它们一般在深更半夜播出
I watch them when I can't sleep
我被奶奶穿墙入耳的呼噜声
because of Grandma's snoring through the wall.
吵得睡不着的时候就看它们
How are you gonna serve food
要是有一堆拍摄组工作人员
if there's a bunch of TV people running around the restaurant?
在餐馆里来回乱逛那你要怎么上菜啊
We're closing the restaurant for the day.
那天我们准备歇业一天
They're paying us a generous location fee.
他们会付我们一大笔场地租借费
They're paying you to not serve food?
他们给你钱让你不用上菜
I love it. Great scam.
对我胃口，这骗术不错
Some of those infomercials are so cool.
有的广告宣传片真是太酷炫了
Dad, would it be okay if I went down to the restaurant to watch?
爸爸，我可以去餐馆旁观吗
Hmm. Can I get my son into my own restaurant?
嗯，能不能把我儿子弄进我自己的餐馆
I'll see if I can pull some strings.
我会看看能不能给你走走后门什么的
Oh, um, I'm actually busy.
嗯，我可是很忙的
That's okay. You don't have to come.
没事，你也不用来
Oh, okay. I see how it is.
哦，我懂你的套路了
This will only make me stronger!
你这样只会让我更坚强
Where is my papaya?
我的木瓜呢
Excuse me?
什么
My papaya. I was saving it.
我的木瓜，我留下来的
My morning papaya is my one moment of joy,
早上一个木瓜就是我的幸福时光
the thing that gets me ready for the day,
一日之计在于瓜
and someone ate my papaya.
现在被人偷吃了
Oh! Okay, it was me.
我认输，是我吃的
I knew it! Evan, what's that thing you learned in church?
我就知道，埃文，你在教堂学到的那个事是什么
Turn the other cheek.
有容乃大
No, the other thing about Bible justice?
不是，是关于圣经上的公正的事
An eye for an eye? That's the one.
以眼还眼，就是它了
Hey, that's the last of the Lucky Charms!
嘿，那是最后剩的一点麦片幸运星了
You eat my papaya, I eat your cereal.
你吃了我的木瓜，我就吃你的麦片
Purple horseshoe?
紫色的马蹄
Is this some kind of a political thing? What is this?
是跟政治有什么关系吗，这是什么鬼
Bananas. That's all I get.
香蕉皮，我就能得到这点东西吗
Can't a brother get a red shell?
就不能给兄弟来点红色龟壳吗
Eddie, you're not gonna believe it.
埃迪，说出来你肯定不信
Don't distract me. I'm on Rainbow Road.
别打扰我，我正打到彩虹赛道这一关了
There's no guardrails.
这关没有护栏
Eddie, put the joystick down.
埃迪，把游戏手柄放下
I just had lunch at my white friend Zack's house,
我刚刚在我的白人朋友扎克家吃午饭的时候
and I saw something.
看到了一个东西
Delicious lunch, Mr. And Mrs. Z.
午餐很可口，Z先生Z太太
Can I help with the dishes?
我来帮你刷盘子吧
You relax. I'll just put them in the machine.
你歇着吧，我把这些盘子放在机器里就行了
I don't get it.
我没懂
Why would she put dirty plates in the drying rack?
她为什么要把盘子放到晾碗盘架上呢
That's just it, Eddie. It's not a drying rack.
重点就在这里，埃迪，那不是晾碗盘架
It's a dishwasher.
那是一个洗碗机
You mean the thing we put our dishes in
你的意思是我们在水槽里洗好盘子以后
after we wash them in the sink?
把它们放到里面的那个东西吗
The drying rack.
就是晾碗盘架啊
Darn it, Edwyn! That's what I'm telling you!
麻哒，埃德温，我一直在跟你说
It's a machine
那是个可以
that washes the dishes for you.
给你洗盘子的机器
With jets of water that shoot on the plates.
有那么一小股水流射到盘子上
I'm sorry. I get emotional just thinking about it.
不好意思，光想想我的眼泪都要掉下来了
The one at Zack's house looks just like it.
扎克家的那个跟这台就一模一样
Only it had buttons.
不过那台上面有按钮
Is that tape?
那不是胶带吗
The controls!
是控制按钮
Super Rinse, Heavy Duty.
超能冲洗，强力洁净
Pots and Pans?
盆和锅
What are you boys doing?
你们干什么呢
We've had a dishwasher this whole time?
我们一直有一台洗碗机
Why haven't we been using it?
为什么我们不用它
Because this family doesn't believe in dishwashers.
因为我们家族不相信洗碗机这种存在
It was there when we moved in. We'll never use it.
我们搬来的时候它就在这儿了，咱们永远都不会用到它
Why not? Because it's wasteful.
为什么不用，因为这是一种奢侈
It makes you soft, and it's hard on the dishware.
它会让你变得软弱，而且它对餐具有伤害
Chinese people respect their nice plates.
我们中国人对好盘子有景仰之情
That's why they're called "China."
这就是为什么它们被称为，中国瓷器
But... No dishwasher!
但是，不准用洗碗机
Wash and dry dishes the usual way.
给我用平时的方法洗完擦干
Ooh! It has a setting for crystal.
居然还有专门洗水晶餐具的按钮
What a gentle beast.
真是头刚柔并济的小野兽呢
Oh.
哦
Whoa!
哇
This is amazing.
这真是太棒了
Ah, Louis. Hey, the place looks great.
路易斯，嘿，这里看起来很不错啊
This is my son Emery. This is Reggie, the director.
这是我儿子埃默里，这是雷吉，那个导演
Hi, Emery. Are you here to see how an infomercial is made?
嗨，埃默里，你是来这里见证一个广告宣传片是如何诞生的吗
It's so glamorous. What do you call these things?
太吸引人了，你们业界是怎么叫这些东西的
Uh, lights.
灯具
Lights.
是灯具啊
Okay, settle down.
好了，冷静点
Oh. "The On-Gun"?
哦，洋枪
It's "The Un-Gun." It's a Salad Shooter for onions.
是，阳枪，这是一种专为洋葱打造的沙拉喷射器
Oh. Well, why not call it "The Gunion"?
哦，好吧，为什么不叫，喷葱枪，呢
Hey, mister, wh-where were you
嘿，我们这三天创意大会的时候
during our three-day creative retreat, huh?
你跑哪儿去了
It took you three days to come up with On-Gun?
你们花了整整三天才想出来，洋枪，这种烂名字
A lot of it was, uh, you know, like, volleyball.
呃，我们当时大多数时间都在打排球来着
Oh. And then there was a swimming party at the end.
而且最后还开了个泳池派对
Hello, hello, hello!
大家好哇
Oh. You must be the proprietor of this fine establishment.
你一定就是这个上等企业的经营者了
Oh, "Proprietor." I like that. Sounds fancy.
经营者，我喜欢这个称呼，听上去真高级
Hi, I'm Louis...
嗨，我是路易斯
"Proprietor."
经营者
Tony Wonder at your service.
托尼·旺德听候您的吩咐
Oh! I've seen a bunch of your infomercials.
我看了无数个您的广告宣传片
My favorite is the Dyna-Broom.
我最喜欢的是电动扫帚的那个
Always nice to meet a fan.
跟粉丝见面总是愉快的
Oh.
哦
"Keep it squiggy. Tony."
保持活力，托尼
Oh, thank you!
谢谢
I guess I'll just hold onto this.
我看我就坚持不放了
Bad news, boss. Our Salad Eater just called in sick.
坏消息，老板，吃沙拉的那个人刚请了病假
What?! No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
什么，不不不不不要啊
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Oh!
不不不不不不不
What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?
怎么办，怎么办
We need somebody to eat the salad and then... Oh, boy.
我需要有人在镜头前吃沙拉啊，天哪
I have an idea.
我有个主意
Why doesn't Louis play our Salad Eater?
为什么不让路易斯扮演这个吃沙拉的角色呢
Really, me? Really, him?
真的吗，让我来，真的吗，让他来
Wait a minute. Yeah.
等等，对啊
No. I... Hold on.
等，等一下
Yeah. Yes.
就这样
Yeah! I like it.
就这样，很上镜啊
Yeah, yeah. All right.
就这样，不错啊
Huzzah! This calls for a souvenir.
好哇，给你当纪念品
Oh, no. I-I-I-I...
哦，不用，我我我
"Welcome to the cast, Louie baby."
欢迎成为卡司一员，路易宝宝
Well, thank you.
谢谢了
Now we don't have to fight over just the one.
现在我们两个不用去争那一个了
Let's go.
来吧
It's warm.
还是暖和的
Disobedience.
居然敢不服
Man, the panic, funkmode
兄弟，这恐慌，是放克模式
Mechanical mix flows
机械混音夹杂着人潮
Competition in my dojo
我的道馆里充斥着竞争
In my dojo
我的道馆里
In my dojo
我的道馆里
In my do...
我的道馆
Eddie, I specifically told you not to use the dishwasher.
埃迪，我特意告诉过你不准用洗碗机的
I didn't! Then why are the plates warm?
我没用，那为什么那些盘子还是暖和的
It's Florida. Everything's warm.
这里是佛罗里达，所有东西都是暖和的
Okay. Maybe someone used the dishwasher, but it wasn't me.
好吧，可能有人用了洗碗机，但是不是我用的
I wash dishes by hand, the stupid way.
我是用蠢办法手洗的盘子
Let me see your hands.
让我看看你的手
If your fingers look like raisins,
如果你的手指看起来像葡萄干一样皱皱巴巴的
I'll know you're telling the truth.
我就知道你在说实话了
They were wrinkly before, but they plumped already.
我的手之前是起皱了，但是它们已经膨胀起来了
I know what's going on here... I'm being profiled!
我知道是怎么回事了，我在你心里已经有固定形象了
Profiled?
固定形象
Every time something bad happens,
每次一有坏事发生
you assume I'm the one who did it.
你就下意识的觉得是我干的
I'm a victim of institutional bias.
我就是惯性偏见的受害者
What? How do you know these words?
什么，这些词你是怎么知道的
Oh, I can't know things?! Another assumption.
我就不能有知识吗，又是一个想当然
No allowance, three weeks.
罚你三周没有零花钱
I'm not paying you to do chores that a machine is doing for you.
我不是花钱让一个机器来帮你做家务的
But I was saving up to buy an N64
但是我正在存钱买任天堂64（家用游戏机）
and play "GoldenEye" The day it comes out.
然后等《007黄金眼》出来之后玩呢
Odd Job's gonna bust a cap in some fools.
奥德乔布要手刃一些蠢货了
Hearing what you want to do with that money
听你说你把钱花哪里去了
only makes me know I'm doing the right thing.
只会让我更肯定我做的事是对的
You're stressing me out. I need to eat.
你都把我逼饿了，我得吃点东西
Okay, Louis, are you ready to eat some salad?
好吧，路易斯，你准备好吃沙拉了吗
Call me the Titanic,
管我叫泰坦尼克号吧
'cause I'm about to tear into some iceberg.
因为我就要大吃冰块了（撞上冰山）
Great.
好吧
So, for this first shot, Tony's gonna demonstrate the Un-Gun.
所以，第一个镜头，托尼会展示阳枪
And then he'll ask, "And how does it work on those salads?"
然后他会问，让我们看看做出来的沙拉怎么样
At which point, we will pan over to you,
这个时候，我们把镜头切给你
and you're gonna say your line, which is,
你就说你的台词，就是
"Onions, shallots, scallions... It does it all!"
洋葱，胡葱，大葱，统统拿下
And then you eat some salad.
然后你就吃两口沙拉
Got it.
明白
Hey, um, that thing I said about the Titanic earlier,
嘿，我刚刚说的关于泰坦尼克的笑话
I didn't mean to offend anyone.
我不是故意冒犯的
That was a huge tragedy.
那是场巨大的悲剧
All right. Places everyone! Here we go.
好了，各就各位，准备开拍
Hi, Dad. I just wanted to wish you good luck.
爸爸，我只想来祝你好运
Uhp. In showbiz, we say "Break a leg."
在演艺圈，我们管这叫，大放异彩
Wishing someone good luck is actually bad luck.
祝人好运实际上代表坏运
Good to know. Hmm.
涨知识了，嗯
I'm surprised how calm you are.
我很惊讶你居然这么冷静
If I were in your shoes, I'd be so nervous.
如果我是你，我肯定紧张死了
Nervous? Why?
紧张，为什么
This infomercial is gonna be seen by hundreds of people,
这个广告宣传片会在好几百人前播放
every one of them dissecting your performance,
他们每个人都剖析着你的表演
wondering, "Why this guy?
心里想，这人是谁啊
Why does he get to be the Salad Eater?"
为什么他可以上镜当那个吃沙拉的人
It's like they're setting you up for failure.
就像他们有意想看你出糗一样
Okay. Break all your legs!
好了，大胆地大放异彩吧
And let's roll cameras.
现在机位准备
Rolling.
准备
And... action!
开拍
The Un-Gun.
阳枪
It's so easy, the only thing you'll be crying about
操作就这么简单，唯一会让你流泪的是
is not getting one sooner.
后悔没有早点入手
And how does it work on that salad?
让我们看看做出来的沙拉怎么样
Onions, shallions, scallots... It does all of them!
洋葱，胡中，大重，统统拿下
Okay, cut.
好，停
How was that?
我做得怎么样
Uh, you just mixed up some of the words.
这个，你把几个单词弄混了
The line is, "Onions, shallots, scallions... It does it all."
台词是"洋葱，胡葱，大葱，统统拿下”
What did I say?
我说的是什么
You said something different, but it doesn't matter.
你说了别的什么，不过没关系
Let's do it again. Let's, uh, roll camera.
我们再来一遍，机位准备
Rolling.
准备
And... action!
开拍
And how does it work on that salad?
让我们看看做出来的沙拉怎么样
Onions, shillions, skillets... It does them all!
洋葱，葱大，煮锅，统统拿下
Cut.
停
Onions, shallots, sicillians... It does them all!
洋葱，胡葱，羽纱，统统拿下
Okay, cut.
行了，停
Onions, garlic, galleons... It does them all!
洋葱，大蒜，大船，统统拿下
Onions, onions, onions...
洋葱，洋葱，洋葱
And cut. Cut, cut, cut. Onions, onions.
停，停，停，洋葱，洋葱
Louis. What?
路易斯，什么
Onions, scallions, shallots. It do...
洋葱，大葱，胡葱，同同
"It do."
“同同”
Onions, scallions, shallots... It does them all!
洋葱，大葱，胡葱，统统拿下
Oh! I'm supposed to eat after the line. Sorry.
噢，我该说完再吃的，对不起
Onions, shallions... Kyle, you're in the sho...
洋葱，胡中，凯尔，你挡着摄...
Onions, shal... Oop!
洋葱，胡，噢
Oh, I got dressing on my sleeve.
噢，袖子上沾上沙拉酱了
Onions, shallots, scallions.
洋葱，胡葱，大葱
Line?
忘词了
Cut.
停
Forget it. Louis, I'm so tired.
算了吧，路易斯，我真累了
Good tea.
这茶真好
Why are you whispering?
你怎么说话这么小声
I'm saving my voice for the infomercial tomorrow.
我得留着嗓子明天拍广告宣传片
You're not done yet? You were there till midnight.
还没拍完吗，弄到半夜你才回来
I had a little trouble getting the line.
我说台词时总不顺
But they said it was no big deal.
不过他们说问题不大
We just have to shoot again tomorrow.
明天接着拍就行了
Which means an extra day of location fees.
这样我们又能多收一天的场地租借费
You okay? I thought you would be excited about that.
你怎么了，我还以为你听到会很高兴
I'm just worried about Eddie.
我在担心埃迪
What's wrong?
他怎么了
Today I told him not to use the dishwasher,
今天我叫他不准用洗碗机
and he did it anyway.
但他还是用了
We have a dishwasher?
我们家有洗碗机吗
Then he has the nerve to look me in the eye and lie about it.
而他居然敢看着我说谎，眼睛都不眨一下
Hmm. Eddie has always been...
嗯，埃迪一直是个
colorful, but I'm just starting to worry.
一言难尽的孩子，但我现在开始担心
Are we raising a bad kid?
我们会不会养了一个坏小子
No way. Eddie's got a good heart.
不可能，埃迪心地很好
He's probably just excited to try out the machine,
他很可能只是急于试试洗碗机
which apparently we have.
看来我们真有这玩意
You're probably right.
大概你是对的
Don't worry. He'll be fine.
别着急，他不会有事的
Could you yell at my mom to turn on her side?
你能不能跟我妈喊，叫她侧着睡
I'd do it, but... my instrument.
我本可以喊的，但是我得保护嗓子
That dishwasher
这台洗碗机
should never have been connected in the first place.
一开始就不应该通上管子
Who knows how much water has been wasted
谁知道我们有多少水
dripping into those hoses?
浪费在这些管子里
It must have cost us a fortune in drips.
一大笔钱肯定就这样跟着水滴一点一点流走了
You know who's a drip? Ziggy.
你知道谁才跟水滴一样烦人，齐格
It's like, "Put on some pants."
给人的感觉就是"拜托穿上裤子"
There. You now have a nonfunctioning dishwasher.
好了，现在你们的洗碗机正式坏了
Thank you. Now this machine won't make us soft.
谢谢你，现在这机器再也不能让我们变得软弱了
Hello?
喂
What?!
什么
Where's the manager?
经理在哪里
Where is he?!
他在哪
Who?
谁
My son! You called and said you caught him shoplifting.
我儿子，你打电话说抓到他在商场偷窃
Uh, that... that wasn't me.
呃，这个，不是我打的电话
Isn't this Razorshank Records?
这是剃刀柄唱片店吗
It is.
是的
We have another location in the mall.
我们在商场那边还有一间店
You need to be clearer on the phone.
你应该在电话里说清楚
And you are in big trouble.
你大祸临头了
Razorshank Records...
这是剃刀柄唱片店
Mall location.
商场分店
And that's when I found this CD
然后我就发现他把这张唱片
tucked into his waistband.
别在腰带上
Eddie, what were you thinking?
埃迪，你当时在想些什么鬼
I know what he wasn't thinking...
我知道他没有想到什么
All stolen merchandise comes out of Howie's paycheck.
所有被盗商品都要从霍伊工资里扣
But you know who does think about that?
你知道谁会考虑到这点吗
Howie. Howie thinks about it all the time.
霍伊，霍伊一直记着这一点
I'm Howie, if that wasn't clear.
你们可能没明白，我就是霍伊
I swear, I didn't steal that CD!
我发誓，我没偷唱片
I brought it from home.
这是我从家里带来的
This place buys used CDs,
这家店收购二手唱片
and since you took away my allowance,
因为你取消了我的零用钱
I was gonna sell my old "Street Fighter" Soundtrack
我才打算卖我这张《街头霸王》原声旧唱片
for some extra skrill. Oh, really?
来挣点外快的，哦，是吗
If you weren't stealing,
如果你没偷
then why was this tucked into your waistband?
那你为什么要把它别在腰带里
Because my pockets were full of Runts candy.
因为我的裤兜里装满了雀巢水果糖
Okay. Let's see this candy. I ate it on the way over here.
好啊，让我看看你的糖，在来的路上我已经吃光了
That's what they're for. They're my traveling Runts.
糖就是为路上准备的，那是我的外出必备糖
You even ate the bananas? Yeah, right.
你连香蕉味儿的都吃了，信你才怪
Howie, I am so sorry about all of this.
霍伊，这事我很抱歉
He's gonna be in big trouble when he gets home.
等回家以后我会好好收拾他
Oh, he's going to jail.
哦，他会去坐牢的
What?
什么
It's corporate policy to prosecute shoplifters
我们公司的政策，要对商场偷窃者
to the fullest extent of the law.
以法律允许的最高限度施以惩罚
Corporate policy?
公司政策
Your logo is a man slapping a cop!
你们的标志就是一个人在扇警察耳光啊
Maybe there's a bee on his face.
可能是他脸上有蜜蜂吧
We see what we want to see.
仁者见仁，智者见智
Red leather, yellow leather.
红色皮革，黄色皮革
La, la, la, la, la, la. Hey. Hey, Dad.
啦，啦，啦，啦，爸爸
Emery, I've been practicing all morning
埃默里，我一上午都在练习
and I think I finally got it.
我觉得已经没问题了
Onions, shallots, scallions... It does them...
洋葱，胡葱，大葱，统统拿
Yeah, about that. I've got bad news.
是哦，关于这个，我有个坏消息
They want someone else to play the Salad Eater.
他们想换人来吃沙拉
What? Who?
什么，谁啊
Emery, we're ready for you.
埃默里，我们给你准备好了
You're the new Salad Eater?
换你来吃沙拉
I happened to be walking by
我正好路过
and heard them saying they were gonna recast you.
听到他们说要把你换掉
Then the director looked at me through his fingers,
然后导演透过他比划的手指看着我
and next thing I knew, I had the part.
等我反应过来的时候，就已经得到这个角色了
That doesn't even make sense. Kids hate salad.
这根本不合情理，小孩讨厌沙拉
Not Danny Winterbottom.
丹尼·温特博特姆可不是这样
Who's Danny Winterbottom?
谁是丹尼·温特博特姆
My character.
我演的角色
He loves salad because he was raised on a lettuce farm.
他从小在莴苣农场长大，所以他爱吃沙拉
Growing up, his mom would give him salad as a treat.
在他成长过程中，沙拉算是他妈妈给他的奖励
Oh, I see what's going on here.
哦，我明白是怎么回事了
Making me nervous about being on TV, wishing me luck.
让我对上电视产生紧张感，又对我说"祝我好运"
You were sabotaging me from the start.
你从一开始就在搞破坏
I don't feel bad.
我可不内疚
When I found out what the lights were,
当我知道那些灯具是做什么用的时候
I knew I wanted to be in front of them.
我就知道我想在它们前面表演
Sorry, Dad. It's "Infomercial," Not "Friend-mercial."
对不起，爸爸，这是"广告宣传片"不是"友谊宣传片”
Sorry how this all went down.
很遗憾这事黄了
Please accept this consolation bobblehead.
请接受这个摇头玩偶，聊表安慰
We're both sorry. Aren't we, little Tony?
我俩都很遗憾，对吧，小托尼
Yeah.
对了
Do you really think if I were to steal a CD,
你觉得如果我真会去偷唱片
it would be the "Street Fighter" Soundtrack?
我会选《街头霸王》吗
"Makaveli" Just came out.
《马卡维力》（已逝美国说唱歌手）
"Life After Death" Just came out.
《死后生活》（美国说唱歌手"臭名昭着的比格"之绝唱）
Why would I shoplift a two-year-old soundtrack
我为什么要去偷一张已发行两年之久的
from a movie about a video game?
电子游戏电影的原声唱片
You'd be amazed at what people try to steal.
人们想偷的东西说出来你会吓一跳
Last week, my mom made us snickerdoodles
上周我妈做了笑脸曲奇
to celebrate the end of Lent.
来庆祝四旬斋节的结束
Gone.
结果也不见了
Boss, the new Spice Girls CD isn't ringing up.
老板，辣妹合唱团的新唱片的销售额录不进去了
The line out front has gone from Baby to Scary.
前台的队都从小孩排到老头了
Excuse me. I have to deal with this.
不好意思，我得处理一下
Don't go anywhere.
你们待在这哪儿也别去
I can't believe you stole.
真不敢相信你居然偷东西
I told you, I'm not a thief. That's what you say.
我说过了，我不是小偷，这是你的说法
But after what happened
但是洗碗机事件之后
with the dishwasher, how can I believe you?
我要怎么相信你
All right. I admit it. I used the dishwasher.
好吧，我承认，我是用了洗碗机
Aha!
啊哈
And I did lie about it, but I didn't steal the CD.
关于这件事我确实撒谎了，但我没偷唱片
That's the truth.
这是实话
I knew it. I knew you were lying all along,
我就知道，我就知道你一直都在骗我
about the dishwasher, eating my papaya.
你偷用了洗碗机，偷吃了我的木瓜
Oh, I didn't eat your papaya. Papayas are gross.
我没吃你的木瓜，木瓜好难吃
Those slimy black seeds? Ugh! Hard pass.
那一个个小黑籽，难以下咽
Well, if you didn't eat my papaya, who did?
好吧，如果你没吃我的木瓜，那是谁吃的
I don't want to say.
我不想说
Eddie, tell me!
埃迪，告诉我
I can't. I live by a code.
我不能说，我做人是有底线的
Howie, put him in jail!
霍伊，送他进监狱
Fine.
好啦
It was Evan.
是埃文
Evan? Really?
埃文，你说真的
It wasn't his fault.
不是他的错
He didn't mean to eat your breakfast.
他不是故意要吃你的早饭的
He just has a weakness for tropical fruit.
他只是对热带水果没有抵抗力
He also has a clean record, so I took the fall for him.
而且他也没有前科，所以我就替他顶罪了
I mean, what's another papaya on my rap sheet?
我的意思是，我以前没有偷吃木瓜的前科吧
You mean you sat and watched me eat your Irish elf cereal
你是说你眼睁睁看着我吃你的爱尔兰小精灵麦片
just so your little brother wouldn't get into trouble?
就是为了不让你弟弟陷入麻烦
Yeah. Of course.
是啊，当然
Uh, Mom, are you okay?
妈妈，你还好吗
I'm proud of you, Eddie.
我真为你骄傲，埃迪
Really? So you're not mad that I lied?
真的吗，所以你不再因为我撒谎而生气了
No, I'm not mad.
不，我不生气
So, you're saying sometimes it's good to lie?
所以，你是觉得有时候撒谎也是好事咯
No. Don't make me mad again.
不是，别让我又发火
You lied about us having a dishwasher.
你也跟我们隐瞒了洗碗机的事啊
Isn't that hypocritical?
这难道不是虚伪吗
Eddie, there is something called a "White lie."
埃迪，有种东西叫做善意的谎言
And that is a lie that protects you
这种谎言是用来保护你
from all the things that make white people soft.
不让你接触那些让白人们变得软弱的东西的
Emery, you were here yesterday,
埃默里，你昨天来过
so you know what we're going for.
你知道我们要什么效果
Yep. I got it.
没问题，我懂的
Okay. Let's roll!
好了，机位准备
An Asian boy named Winterbottom. Okay, sure, all right.
一个名叫温特博特姆的亚洲男孩，行，你们说怎样就怎样吧
And... action!
开拍
The Un-Gun is so easy to use,
阳枪操作就这么简单
the only thing you'll be crying about is not getting one sooner.
唯一会让你流泪的是后悔没有早点入手
And how does it work on that salad?
让我们来看看做出来的沙拉怎么样
Onions, shallots, scallions... It does them all!
洋葱，胡葱，大葱，统统拿下
Yeah, great, but can you do it without all the blinking?
很好，但是你能别一直眨眼吗
What blinking?
什么眨眼
Cut.
停
Dustin, could you get me a hot tea and six cyanide capsules?
达斯汀，能给我冲杯热茶再来六个氰化胶囊吗
Uh, let me talk to him.
让我跟他聊聊
Dad, did you see the blinking they were talking about?
爸，你看见他们说的眨眼了吗
Do you think the camera's picking it up?
你觉得摄像机录进去了吗
Yeah, I do.
恐怕是的
I guess I'm more nervous than I thought I'd be.
我可能比预想的还要紧张
It's okay. You can do this.
没关系，你可以做到的
Yes, I was a little upset when I heard about the recast,
没错，我听到要换角的时侯是有点难过
but if it can't be me, I'm happy it's you.
但如果不是我来演，我很开心是你
Salad Eater is the second role you were born to play.
吃沙拉的人是你注定要演的第二个角色
What was the first?
那第一个是什么
Fantastic son.
优秀的儿子
Thanks, Dad.
谢谢你，老爸
I understand now.
我现在懂了
You're trying to throw me off my game,
你想让我出局
make me think my mediocre performance is fine
让我以为平庸地表演就可以
so I don't strive to be the best.
这样我就不会力争上游了
Well, it's not going to work.
你不会得逞的
What? No...
什么，不是这样的
Get out of my eyeline.
在我的视线里消失
Let's shoot this thing!
让我们把这片子拍完
Well, that Spice Girls line was a total nightmare.
排队买辣妹合唱团唱片的队伍简直是场噩梦
A lot more middle-aged men than I thought.
里面中年人的数量超出我的想象
Where were we? Oh, right.
我们说到哪了，对了
I was just about to press charges against your boy.
我正要起诉你儿子呢
You will do no such thing.
你不能这么做
I believe my son. He didn't steal that CD.
我相信我儿子，他没偷那张唱片
Well, that's nice you believe him,
嗯，你相信他很好
but there's still no way of knowing
但我们还是没法知道
whether the CD is really his or if he stole it.
这张唱片到底本就属于他还是他偷来的
I'm gonna call the police.
我要报警了
16 seconds! What?
十六秒，什么
That's the exact moment it skips on track 8.
就在那个时间点唱片会跳到第八节
I know that because it's my CD.
我知道这个因为这是我的唱片
What have we here? A boom-boom box.
看这儿有什么，一个唱片机
Play it.
放吧
I have to fast-forward a bit.
我要快进一下
Hold down the right arrow button.
按住右箭头键啊
Hold it down.
按住它
I'm doing it. There! There.
我在按，看到了吗，满意了吗
Mechanical mix flows
机械混音夹在着人潮
Competition in my dojo
我的道馆里充斥着竞争
In my dojo
我的道馆里
In my dojo
我的道馆里
If the CD skips, you must acquit.
如果唱片跳过去了，你必须还我清白
I guess it is yours. My mistake.
我想这是你的，我搞错了
"My mistake"? That's it?
我搞错了，这就完了
You falsely accused my son of being a thief!
你给我的儿子安了个莫须有的罪名，说他是小偷
You need to make this right.
你要补偿我们
How would I do that?
怎么补偿
You're gonna buy back his music disc at full price.
你要全价买回他的音乐碟片
Or else I will tell everyone that your store profiles Asians.
否则我要广而告之你的店歧视亚洲人
Institutional bias.
惯性偏见
But it's a "Street Fighter" Soundtrack from two years ago,
可这是两年前的，街头霸王，唱片了
a-and it skips.
而且它还会漏节
No one's gonna buy it.
没人会买的
Eddie, what's that sound like to you?
埃迪，你怎么看
Not our problem.
不关我们的事
Fine.
好吧
Who pays for it?
钱从谁的口袋里出
Howie does. Always Howie.
霍伊，永远是霍伊
They said the infomercial will air
他们说这个广告宣传片
sometime between 3:00 and 6:00 a.m.
会在早上三点到六点之间播出
Mom, will you pass the popcorn?
妈妈，能把爆米花递过来吗
You're hungry? I'm surprised you're not full of papaya.
你饿了吗，真奇怪你居然没被木瓜撑爆
I said I was sorry. Can't a boy have a hankering?
我说了对不起了，难道一个男孩子不能有点欲望吗
I can't believe you're gonna be on TV, Emery.
真不敢相信你要上电视了，埃默里
Thanks, Eddie. I'm glad somebody's happy about it.
谢谢你，埃迪，幸好还有人为我感到高兴
I told you, I wasn't trying to sabotage you.
我说了，我没有要破坏你的拍摄
Hmm. Finally, some good acting.
嗯，终于啊，演得挺像啊
Tired of chopped onions turning you into a whiny crybaby?
厌倦了切洋葱的时候眼泪流得像个唧唧歪歪的小孩吗
Are you a dumb idiot, wasting everyone's time and money,
你是个浪费大家的时间和金钱
cutting onions the old-fashioned way?
还在用老办法切洋葱的白痴吗
Uh, duh.
呃，傻
Presenting a better way.
让我们向您展示一个好办法
Hi. Tony Wonder here
嗨，托尼·旺德在这里
with a miracle machine that makes chopping onions
给大家推荐一款神奇的机器
as easy as pulling the trigger.
能让切洋葱跟扣扳机一样轻松
It's called...
它就叫做
"The Gunion."
喷葱枪
They stole my name!
他们窃取了我的创意
