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A Harder, Better Goodbye
更难却更好的永别
Mother complained of a pain in her ribs.
我母亲曾抱怨她的肋骨疼。
She was a yoga lover, an ocean swimmer, a woman who at 72 looked ten years younger.
她是瑜伽爱好者，海洋游泳运动员，她72岁，但是看上去要年轻十岁。
She thought she had pulled a muscle. But the pain refused to go away.
她本以为是肌肉拉伤了，然而疼痛持续了很长时间也没有消退。
Tests revealed that cancer had moved to her ribs and spine.
测试结果显示，癌症已经转移到她的肋骨和脊柱。
She and my father had been planning summer vacation.
之前我父母还在计划暑假出游。
Now they were planning the remaining months of her life.
现在却在讨论如何度过她生命的最后几个月。
She made it clear she did not want to remain in the hospital. She wanted to go home.
母亲明确表示不想待在医院，她想回家。
Hospice, we were told, could help us care for Mom at home.
我们被告知，临终关怀组织可以帮助我们在家照顾母亲。
Suddenly hospice became the center of our lives.
突然间临终关怀成了我们生活的中心。
A few times a week the hospice staff—doctor, nurses, social worker—would visit our home,
临终关怀的医生，护士，社会服务人员每周会来几次，
making sure Dad and I could handle the bedpans, the pain killers and the reality of Mom's dying.
确认父亲和我能处理好便盆，止痛药以及接受我母亲将要离世的事实。
March, April, May. Each month, each week, each day was a diminishment.
三月，四月，五月。每个月，每个星期，日子一天天地减少。
Mom was confined to downstairs, then to her bedroom, then to her bed.
母亲一开始还能下楼，逐渐只在卧室里走动，最后只能躺在床上。
Dad brushed her hair. I read to her. We examined family photo albums.
父亲帮母亲梳头，我读书给母亲听。我们一起看相册集，
As we flipped through these Kodak moments of life now drawing to a close,
翻阅那些用柯达相机定格的过往瞬间，而在一起的时光不久就要结束了，
I would comfort myself: At least we are home.
但是我还是安慰自己，至少现在我们都在家里。
Our biggest fear was that Mom would experience unbearable pain. But she did not. Painkiller helps.
我们最害怕的事情是母亲可能会经受难以忍受的疼痛。幸好有止痛药，我们不用害怕。
It was in those last days that hospice was of particular help.
那些日子，临终关怀给我们带来了特别的帮助。
I had not seen anyone die before; I did not know what to do.
我过去没有亲眼看过谁离开人世，那一刻我完全不知道能做什么。
