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Stephen Covey wrote a book called The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People few years ago. Some of you may be familiar with it. He had a lot of really great stuff on listening in his book. Amongst that, he had five...he identified five levels of listening.
Stephen Covey 几年前写过一本叫做“高效率人们的七种习惯”。你们某些人可能对那很熟悉。他在书里有许多关于倾听真的很棒的东西。在那之中，他有五个...他订定倾听的五个等级。
Now the first three levels are kind of waffling. None of you should be listening at that level. It's the last two—active and empathic listening—that I want to talk about.
现在前面三个等级有点不清不楚的。你们之中没有任何一人应该要以那种等级倾听。最后两个－－积极和同理倾听－－正是我想要谈论的。
Active listening is when you are actively engaged, so you might be asking questions; you might be nodding; you might be making listening sounds, uh huh, uh huh, hmm...that's interesting.
积极倾听是当你正积极投入时，所以你也许会问问题；你也许会点头；你也许会发出在倾听的声音：嗯哼、嗯哼、嗯...那很有趣。
And paraphrasing is also involved in active listening. Paraphrasing is great, because when you repeat the words back to someone that they have said in your own words, it gives them a chance not only to clarify but also to let them know that you're listening. So active listening is nice.
改述同样也包括在积极倾听中。改述很棒，因为当你用自己的话向某人覆述他刚刚说过的话，这给了他们不只能澄清的机会、还能让他们知道你在倾听。所以积极倾听很好。
But Covey says we should be working towards the big one—empathic listening—and that is listening with your left and your right brain. Now what that means is listening with your left brain for the words, and listening with your right brain for the emotion.
但 Covey 说我们应该要朝向更重大的那一种去努力－－同理倾听－－那是用你的左脑和右脑倾听。现在那表示用你的左脑倾听话语，并用你的右脑倾听情绪。
So if you listen with your right brain, you might hear things in body language. So, it's my son. You might hear things like tension in a voice, tiredness in the slump of a shoulder. If you learn to listen for emotion, you're gonna pick up a whole heap more information.
所以如果你用你的右脑倾听，你也许会听到肢体语言中的内容。所以，那是我儿子。你也许会听出像是声音中的紧张情绪、肩膀垂下中的疲累感的东西。你学会倾听情绪，你就会得到整个更大批的资讯。
So what do we do about listening? How do we become better listeners? Well, one thing is listen for repetitive words. People repeat the stuff that's important to them. So I feel like I had to ask my husband; I feel like this is sounding really good; I feel like this is the right choice for me, right? Feeling is important to that person. They've also given you some extra information, because if someone is using the word "feeling" a lot, it also means they have quite been on a preference.
所以我们对于倾听要做些什么？我们如何成为更好的倾听者？这个嘛，其中一件事是去倾听重复的话语。人们重复对他们来说很重要的东西。所以我觉得我好像要去问问我丈夫；我觉得这听起来非常不错；我觉得这对我来说是正确的选择，对吧？“感觉”对这个人来说很重要。他们同样也给了你额外的资讯，因为如果某人很常使用“觉得”这个字，这同样代表他们颇偏好使用它的。
People also emphasize stuff that's important to them. I'm gonna snap! I'm at the end of my tether! Listen for emphasis.
人们通常强调对他们来说重要的事物。我要发疯了!我实在无计可施了!倾听强调之处。
See? This is the stuff that we can't do if we're doing all the talking.So if you listen through a repetition, listen for emphasis, you're going to start honing in on the stuff that's really important to them.
看到了吗？如果我们全都在说话，这就是我们做不到的事。所以如果你倾听重复、倾听强调之处，你会开始专注于对他们来说确实很重要的事物上。
Try and focus on the big picture, and this is particularly when you're with people who ramble a lot, you know, people live in a stream of consciousness—I'm sure you know the one—the person who comes in and says, "Hi, I'm thinking about going on a trip to Bali, because bikini stores at the Bali was really great. And I was gonna get to Seminyak, because I heard it's got all the bars and all the fun over there. But, you know, my boy sort of likes surfing, so I thought that maybe we should go to Dekuta. In fact, Terry's been surfing since he was six. You should see him. Can I show you the photos? I was thinking about going to Phuket." Right, you know the ones I'm talking about?
尝试并专注于重点上，而这特别是当你和很常碎碎念的人在一起时，你知道，生活在意识流中的人－－我相信你认识这种人－－那种人会进来然后说：“海，我在想要去峇里岛旅游，因为峇里岛的比基尼商店都很棒。我还要去 Seminyak，因为我听说那儿有酒吧和所有有趣的东西。但是，你知道的，我儿子有点喜欢冲浪，所以我想也许我们应该去 Dekuta。事实上，Terry 从他六岁就开始冲浪。你应该看看他。我可以给你看照片吗？我在想要改去普吉岛。”好的，你知道我在说的那种人吗？
Focus on your big picture, get right up in a helicopter and try just to listen for the message.
专注于你的大局面，直接登上直升机然后就倾听那讯息。
Don't dominate the conversation. You know who you are. People who like to talk too much and like to just throw all their information in, don't dominate.
别主导对话。你知道我在说谁吧。就是那些喜欢说太多话、喜欢就丢出所有他们资讯的人，别主导对话。
If you've ever had a time, and I'm sure you have, because most of us have been through this when you've told a story, you stop your story, and there's just the silence, like crickets chirping on the Simpsons, right? No one was listening. How do you feel? We don't feel good when we're not listened to. So don't dominate. Learn to harness yourself and stop and listen.
如果你曾有过这种时候，我确信你们都有，因为我们大多人都经历过这个，当你讲了一个故事，你停下你的故事，然后那里就一片寂静，像是辛普森家庭(卡通)里只有蟋蟀唧唧叫的样子，对吧？没人在听。你感觉如何？当没人倾听时，我们感受很差。所以不要主导。学习控制自己，并停下来倾听。
Finally, listen without judgement. It's a really difficult thing to do, because we tend to, as human beings, we judge. Let someone get that thought out first before you come back to judge.
最后，不带着意见去倾听。这是很难做到的事，因为我们倾向于，身为人类，我们倾向于去批判。在你回来评判之前，让某人先说出那想法。
And finally, Hugh Mackay the social researcher says that listening is a gift, a generous gift that we give the other person, a very respectful generous gift. And if you shut down all the folders in your mind and listen like a lion, and focus on the one person speaking to you, it is a gift. And you equally will get an enormous gift back with all the information that comes your way.
最后，社会研究员 Hugh Mackay 表示倾听是种礼物，一份我们给予他人大方的礼物，一份带着敬意非常大方的礼物。如果你关上脑中所有储存想法的文件夹，并像狮子狩猎般倾听，并专注于跟你说话的那一个人身上，这是份礼物。你同样也会得到一份极大的回礼，带着送到你面前的所有资讯。
