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The "I Do Not Accept His Breakup" Excuse
“我不接受他的分手”的借口
Dear Greg,
亲爱的格雷格，
Okay, so my music video boyfriend dumped me because he's an asshole, but now I have some of his stuff in my apartment and I'm not going to give it back because I know he's going to change his mind, and I keep calling him and calling him to try to get him to change his mind, which I know he will, because I know he really does love me and he doesn't mean this, but all he wants is his stupid Palm Pilot back.
好吧，我的音乐电视制作人男友甩了我，因为他是个混蛋，但是现在他还有一些东西在我的公寓里，我打算去还给他，因为我知道他会改变主意的，我一直在打电话给他希望他改变主意，我知道他会的，因为我知道他真的爱我，而且他不是故意的，但是他想的只是把他那气人的掌上电脑拿回去。
A guy doesn't say all the nice things he said to me and take me to all the cool parties he took me to and introduce me to all his cool friends and then just suddenly change his mind.
一个男人不会对我说着种种甜言蜜语，带我去各色派对，把我介绍给他所有的朋友，然后突然间，改变主意了。
People don't just totally, totally like someone one day and then wake up and not want to be with them the next.
人们不会在某日完全喜欢上一个人，然后第二天醒来之后就想离开对方。
I'm so completely devastated because I really, really loved him.
我完全绝望了，因为我真的真的很爱他。
You might not believe me, Greg, but I really did love him and I loved being with him and now I can't even get out of bed' cause I've been crying so much.
你也许不相信我，格雷格，但我是真的很爱他，而且喜欢和他在一起，我现在甚至都无法起床，因为我一直在哭。
He's just in a bad mood and I'm not going to believe him.
他只是心情不好，我不会相信他的。
Signed Nikki
尼基
Dear Nikki,
亲爱的尼基，
I'm sorry you got dumped.
我很抱歉你被甩了。
Can't say I didn't see it coming, but now's not the time to gloat.
不能说我没预见到，但是现在不是幸灾乐祸的时间。
What you need to do immediately is turn down the psychotic.
你需要立刻停止发疯。
Calling him incessantly and holding his stuff ransom is really no way to win a man back.
不断的给他打电话和拿着他的东西勒索真的不是赢回男人心的办法。
In fact that's the best way to elicit the "What did I ever see in that psycho bitch?" response.
事实上这是引出“我究竟从那个神经病婊子身上看到了什么？”回答的最好办法。
Whatever happened to that super-confident, strong-willed woman?
那个超级自信，意志坚强的女人发生了什么？
Has she been reduced to a groveling lunatic?
她已经沦为了卑躬屈膝的疯子了么？
No she hasn't, so cut it out, Nikki.
不，她没有，所以，够了，尼基。
Sometimes people change their minds, sometimes they meet someone else, sometimes they get sober (he was drinking) , and sometimes he was just a jerk who you're lucky to be rid of (not that I was judging) .
有时候人们会改变想法，有时候他们遇见别的人，有时候他们清醒（他过度饮酒），有时候他是个幸运于摆脱他的混蛋（不是我所评判的）。
It doesn't matter, because you cannot change his mind.
这没有关系，因为你改变不了他的想法。
Oh, Nikki, please behave, because what will really haunt you later is not losing the excessive-drinker-who-didn't-ever-want -to-get-married-and-was-too-busy-and-self-important-for-you, but how you behaved during the breakup. I swear.
噢，尼基，请注意行为举止，因为最近会让你苦恼的并非失去这个过度饮酒的、不想结婚的、太忙以及妄自尊大的人，而是你在分手时的表现。我发誓。
With love, Greg
爱你的，格雷格。
One simple rule, ladies: Always be classy. Never be crazy.
这是一个简单的规则，女士们：永远要有气度。不要抓狂。
Okay, actually it's two simple rules, but trust me, you will never be sad you followed them.
好的，事实上这是两个简单规则，但是相信我，你遵守它们永远都不会难过。
If for no other reason, it will ensure that you never have that awful memory of cutting his clothes in half or dumping his dog on the side of the road.
如果没有别的原因，它会保证你不会有把他衣服剪成两半和把他的狗丢在路边的记忆。
