But while gender was not openly acknowledged, it was still lurking below the surface.
尽管人们不会公开地讨论性别问题,但实际上它一直潜伏在我们身边。
I started to see differences in attitudes toward women.
我看到社会对女性各种各样的态度,
I started noticing how often employees were judged not by their objective performance, but by the subjective standard of how well they fit in.
并注意到,对职员的判断常常不是基于相对客观的工作表现,而是基于他们在多大程度上能融入公司这种更为主观的标准。
Given that the summer outing at McKinsey was a deep-sea fishing trip and most company dinners ended with whiskey sipping and cigar smoking,
麦肯锡的夏季员工的出游活动总是深海捕鱼,大多数公司的年会也是啜着威士忌、叼着雪茄,
I sometimes struggled to pass the "fitting in" test.
我不得不百般努力才能通过这种“适应”测试。
One night, encouraged by the male partners, I puffed away on a cigar — just one of the guys.
有天晚上,受男同事怂恿,我试着吸了口雪茄——好哥们儿嘛。
Except that the smoking nauseated me and I reeked of cigar smoke for days.
结果,我被烟呛到有些恶心,好几天都不想闻到雪茄的气味。
If that was fitting in, I stuck out.
如果这也算作适应测试的话,我显然是失败了。
Others also seemed aware that I was not one of the guys.
其他人似乎也意识到我其实不是什么“哥们儿”。
When I was named the Treasury Department's chief of staff in 1999, several people remarked to me, "It must have helped that you were a woman."
1999年,当我被任命为美国财政部首席幕僚时,有人对我说:“看来做女人也是有好处的。”
It was infuriating. Their intent may not have been malicious, but the implication was clear: I had not gotten the job on merit.
这让我极为愤怒。他们这么说倒不见得是出于恶意,但明显话中有话:他们认为我并不是凭真本事得到这份工作的。
I also figured that for every person pointing out my "advantage" to my face, there were probably a dozen others saying it less politely behind my back.
我也明白,既然有人当面指出我的“优势”,那么在背后很可能还会有更多的闲言碎语。
I considered my possible responses.
我想了想我可能的回应。
I could explain that the last time I checked there was no affirmative action for women at Treasury.
我可以最后再解释一次,我承认财政部确实没有什么针对女性的平权行动。