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You guys, my guest tonigh is John Legend. John has won an Oscar, a Tony, an Emmy, a Grammy,
朋友们，今晚的嘉宾是约翰·传奇，约翰赢得过奥斯卡，托尼奖，艾美奖，格莱美奖，
and he was named People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive.
他还被《人物》评选为在世的最性感男人。
Even more impressive...his Uber passenger rating is 6. I mean, wow, that's..
更让人赞叹的是，就连他的优步乘客评分都是六分，我的意思是，哦哦。
He must give his driver a mint. Hey, I want to wish everyone a happy Friday.
他一定给了他的司机一个薄荷糖，我希望大家有一个快乐的周五。
If you think you're relieved that this week's over, imagine how the president feels. What a week.
如果你认为本周结束了，可以放松了，那么想象一个总统的感受，这一周啊。
We had impeachment hearings. We had a Democratic debate. Ariana Grande endorsed Bernie Sanders.
我们有弹劾听证会，我们有民主党辩论，爱莉安娜·格兰德支持桑德斯。
And yet, all anybody will remember is that someone farted on MSNBC.
然而，所有人都记得在微软全国广播公司节目上，有人放了屁。
It was a brutal week for President Trump. Witness after witness testified against him.
小特的这周是残酷的，大量证人做出对他不利的证据。
I don't want to say it was a disaster, but even Prince Andrew was like, How you holding up, buddy?
我不想说这是灾难，但就连安德鲁王子都在说，你是如何支持住的兄弟？
Seriously, though, I'm not saying Trump was in bad shape, but even Don Jr. was like, You know what?
说真的，我不想说小特状况不佳，但就连他的儿子都在说，你知道吗？
We're gonna do Thanksgiving at Boston Market this year. We're good.
我们今年要在波士顿市场办感恩节活动，没问题。
This week, while addressing the media, there was a photo going around of Trump's notepad,
本周，在对媒体发表演讲时，有人拍摄了一张小特笔记本的内容。
and a lot of people were commenting on his handwriting. Take a look. Have you seen this? Yeah. It's real.
许多人对于他的书写进行了评论，看看，你们见过吗？这是真的。
Well, today, I read that Donald Trump's handwriting... and this is real..
今天，我听说了小特的书写，这是真的。
is actually available as a free font called Tiny Hand. Here it is, right there. That's the font.
成为了自由字体，名字为“小手”，没错，就是这个，这个是字型。
That's pretty crazy. But they actually tried out a few other names for the font before landing on Tiny Hand. Oh. Oh, boy.
这个很疯狂，其实他们在选择“小手”之前还尝试过其他名字，老天啊。
Here we go. Tariq, what's up, dawg? Let me guess. You're gonna make fun of Trump by listing off a bunch of rejected font names, right?
来了，塔里克，咋了呢？兄弟？让我猜猜，你会列举一系列被否决的字型名字，从而取笑小特，没错吧？
I mean, yeah. That was the plan. And then, each joke will pop up as, like, a graphic so everyone can see it, and laugh about it. Right.
我的意思是，没错，这是我的计划，然后，每个笑话会变成一个图表，所有人可以看到图表，然后开怀大笑，对的。
I know exactly how this'll go. So, the top of the screen is gonna say something like, Rejected Trump Font Names.
我知道事情如何发展，所以，屏幕的最前面应该写着，被否决的小特字型名字。
And then, underneath that, it'll say things like, Sharpie Pro Quo, and Bigly Squiggly, or Failing New York Times New Roman,
然后在下面，图表上写着“三幅笔的交换条件”“大波浪”“失败的纽约时代新罗马字”，
and finally, Hillaryvetica. Is... Is that how this is gonna go? Yeah, pretty much.
最后是“希拉里-凡的卡字体”，你是要这么说吗？的确如此。
You nailed it, Tariq. Yeah, you shouldn't do that bit. Alright. I won't. Tariq Trotter, everybody.
你毁了这一切，塔里克，没错，你不应该这么做，好吧，我不会，塔里克·特罗特，朋友们。
Thank you for telling me that. I won't do it. I won't do it. I won't do it. I won't do it.
谢谢告诉我这个，我不会这么做，我不会这么做，我不会这么做，我不会这么做。
Hey, guys, we are one week away from Black Friday. Ooh, wow.
朋友们，黑色星期五还有一周了，哦哦哦。
It is that yearly tradition of people lining up outside department stores for hours,
每年这个时候人们都会在商店门前排队几小时，这是传统，
and then realizing they can buy it all from home on Cyber Monday.
然后发现他们可以在网络星期一购买所有的一切。
I read that Amazon wants to ship customers anything in 30 minutes. Wait. Wait. Jimmy, hold up.
听说亚马逊希望为顾客在30分钟内运输物品，等一下，吉米，等一下。
You're telling me that you could order something on Amazon, and get it in 30 minutes? That's the plan.
你告诉我你可以在亚马逊上订东西，然后30分钟内得到？这是计划。
Can you order anything? If it's on Amazon, then, sure, I guess. Hmm. Very cool.
你可以订购任何东西吗？如果是在亚马逊，当然，我猜的，太棒了。
Hey, continue with your monologue, man. I'm loving it so far! Laughs galore, baby. Ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha.
继续你的脱口秀，我到目前为止很喜欢，太多欢笑，哈哈哈哈。
Anyway, this is interesting. A tree frog in..I'm sorry. Sorry, who are you? Oh, I have a package for Kamal Grey. Yeah. Yes! Yes!
好吧，这个很有趣，一只树蛙，对不起，你是谁啊？哦，我有一个包裹给卡马尔，好吧，太棒了。
My favorite album, right here! It's my favorite! It's my favorite, right here! Oh, my gosh. Whoo!
我最喜欢的专辑在这里，是我最喜欢的，我最喜欢的，老天啊，哈哈哈。
James...James' album. Can I get an autograph? Can I get your autograph?
詹姆斯，詹姆斯的专辑，能给我签名吗？能给我签名吗？
Hey, guys, I heard that Victoria's Secret has officially canceled their fashion show...or as one guys put it...
朋友们，听说维密官方取消了时尚秀，或者如人们说的那样，
Oh, my God, this week can't get worse. Say it ain't so.
老天啊，本周糟糕得不能再遭了，说不该如此。
I saw that the Property Brothers are starting a magazine.
听说装修兄弟出了杂志。
They plan on handling the magazine just like their show...one brother will create the entire thing, the other will do nothing in a suit.
他们计划就像真人秀一样处理杂志，一个兄弟设计整个东西，另一个穿着西装什么都不干。
And finally, a new study found that teenaged elephants are like human teenagers...
最后，新研究发现青年大象很像青少年人类，
they make a lot of mistakes, they're stubborn, and they take risks.
它们会犯错误，它们很固执，它们冒险。
In response, teen elephant sucked on a vape and said, You don't know me.
对此，青年大象吸了口电子烟说，你不了解我。
