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I want to wish everybody a very happy Thanksgiving right now. There you go!
我希望大家有一个愉快的感恩节，来吧！
Ah, I love Thanksgiving. It's that special time where you spend half the day complaining about driving,
我喜欢感恩节，在这个特殊的时期，你今天会花一半时间抱怨开车，
then the other half wishing you were back on the road, you know?
另外一半希望可以继续回到路上开车，你知道吗？
Right now, millions of Americans are stuffed, and the holidays are just starting.
如今，数百万美国人正在享用美食，假日正在开始。
Yep, as we speak, everyone's Peloton is slowly being turned into a clothing rack.
没错，就在我谈论之时，所有人的Peloton健身器材成为了衣服架子。
Of course, today was the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade! It was awesome!
当然，今天是梅西百货感恩节大游行，太棒了。
It was fantastic! Come on! I loved being there. I loved doing it.
太棒了，来吧，我喜欢来到那里，我喜欢做这个事情。
You know, I read some interesting facts. I read that in the early days of the Thanksgiving Day parade,
你知道的，我听到了一些有趣的事情，听说在感恩节游行的早些天，
they just let the balloons fly away at the end. Oh.
他们会让气球散飞到高空，哦哦。
Which is why Thanksgiving in New Jersey was known as the day the sky monsters came. Frightening.
这就是为什么新泽西的感恩节被誉为天空猛兽来临的时间，太可怕了。
Hundreds of volunteer clowns marched in the parade. Yeah, cause after It: Chapter Two and Joker,
数百名志愿小丑在游行上行进，没错，因为在《小丑回魂2》和《小丑》之后，
that's definitely what you want running up to your kids. Happy Thanksgiving! Aah!
你肯定会乐意跑到孩子面前说，感恩节快乐，啊啊。
He's got a knife! Tonight in the NFL, we saw the New Orleans Saints take on the Atlanta Falcons.
他手里拿着刀，今晚在美国职业橄榄球大联盟上，我们看到新奥尔良圣徒队对抗亚特兰大猎鹰，
And this was nice. The Falcons wore a patch on their jerseys in memory of all the birds we lost today.
这个很棒，猎鹰对在他们的球衣上带一块补丁，以纪念今天损失的所有小鸟。
Get this. The Falcons play in Mercedes-Benz Stadium. And the Saints play in the Mercedes-Benz Superdome.
听听这个，猎鹰队在奔驰体育场比赛，圣徒队在奔驰超级穹顶体育馆比赛。
While the Cincinnati Bengals play in the Hyundai Abandoned Field. I didn't know that.
然后，辛辛那提猛虎在现代废弃球场比赛，我不知道这个球场。
I saw that President Trump had Thanksgiving dinner at Mar-a-Lago. At one point during the meal
听说小特总统在海湖庄园举行感恩节晚宴，此时在餐桌上，
Trump built a wall around his turkey with mashed potatoes to prevent any vegetables from getting in.
小特在他的火鸡上建了一堵墙，用土豆泥做的墙，从而蔬菜不会进来了。
It's almost done. Well, you guys, we're just a few minutes away from Black Friday.
差不多完成了，朋友们，再过几分钟就是黑色星期五了。
I saw that this year, Amazon is having huge deal on vacuums and crock pots.
我听说今年，亚马逊在吸尘器和砂锅上的打折力度很大。
It's being described as the best Black Friday deal of 1979. Crock pot?
而且被描述为1979年最棒的黑色星期五打折，砂锅？
Yeah, Black Friday is when stores offer special promotions, and this year some of them are even using new slogans for the big day.
没错，黑色星期五那天商店会做促销活动，今年商店还为这天使用了新的标语。
I'll show you what I mean. For instance, Walmart. Their Black Friday slogan is
来给大家展示几个，比如沃尔玛，他们的黑色星期五标语是，
It's basically MMA meets 'The Purge' up in this piece.
基本上就是综合格斗对抗《人类清除计划》。
Then there's Home Depot. Their slogan is, We've got one employee, and he locked himself in the bathroom.
下一个家得宝公司的标语，我们有一名员工，他把自己所在了厕所里。
Help! Call me when they're all done! Next up, Costco. Their slogan is,
救我！他们都完事后给我打电话！下一个是开市客的标语是，
We don't have bags cause people tried to suffocate each other. Guys, guys, calm down.
我们没有包裹，因为人们试图让彼此窒息，朋友们，朋友们冷静吧。
Why would you make that your slogan? And finally, there's T.J. Maxx. Their slogan is, Don't panic.
为什么把这个当做你们的标语？最后一个是T.J. Maxx折扣店，他们的标语是不要慌张。
It always looks like a riot in here. Be careful. Be careful out there tomorrow. And finally,
这里总是像暴乱一样，小心吧，小心明天，最后一个，
Monopoly just released a Longest Game Ever edition. Longest game ever,
地产大亨推出了最长的游戏版本，史上最长的游戏，
where the only way to win is to buy all 66 properties in the game.
那么唯一能够赢下的方式是买下所有66个地产。
So if you didn't get into a fight with your family on Thanksgiving, this ought to do it. We have a great show!
如果你和家人自感恩节上起了争执，这个游戏管用，我们的节目很精彩。
