1. That afternoon, my mother lined me up against the wall again, as always these past few weeks before I could even take one step outside the house. She stood there like a firing squad. “That moustache…" She shook her head. "I still say a seventeen-year-old has no business wearing a moustache." "It's an experiment," I said. "I just wanted to see if I could grow one." To tell the truth, I had proved my point about being able to grow a decent moustache, but I also had learned to like it. "Look," I said, to cheer her up. "I'm thinking about shaving it off." Even though I wasn't. Another discovery: You can build a way of life on postponement. "Your grandmother probably won't even recognize you," she said. And I saw the shadow fall across her face.
那天下午，我的母亲像过去的几个星期一样，又一次在我踏出家门之前，把我抵在墙边。她站在那里，就像一个手握武器的行刑官。“你这小胡子......”她摇了摇头。“我还是那句话，一个十七岁孩子不应该留小胡子。”“这是个实验，”我说，“我只是想看看我能不能长出小胡子。”说实话，我已经证明了自己能长出像样的小胡子，但是我还得学着去喜欢它。“看，”我说，打算让我母亲高兴起来，“我正在考虑把它剃掉。”纵然我根本没这么想过。一个新发现：缓兵之计也可以当作一种生活方式。“你奶奶可能都不认识你了，”她说。与此同时，我看到她的脸阴沉了下来。
2. But ok, I am going too fast. Let me tell you first what this is all about. My grandmother is seventy-three years old. She is a resident -- which is supposed to be a better word than patient -- at the Lawnrest Nursing Home. She used to make the greatest turkey in the world and was a nut about baseball and could even quote famous players, for crying out loud. Now she has something called arteriosclerosis, which really means that she can't live at home anymore or even with us, and her memory has betrayed her as well as her body. She used to wander off and sometimes didn't recognize people. My mother visits her all the time, driving the thirty miles to Lawnrest almost every day.
还好，我溜得比较快。我先说说这件事究竟是怎么回事——我的祖母今年七十三岁。她是劳恩瑞斯特养老院的住户——住户这词应该比患者更好些。她曾做过世界上最好吃的火鸡，还曾经痴迷于棒球，天哪，甚至可以引用著名球员说过的话。而现在她身患动脉硬化症，这实际上意味着她再也不能住在家里，甚至再也无法跟家人生活在一起，而且她还会记忆混乱，甚至身体都不听自己使唤。她自己走丢过，有时还不认识人。我母亲总去探望她，几乎每天都会驱车30英里去劳恩瑞斯特疗养院。
3. Now it was my winter vacation, and I hadn't seen my grandmother since she'd been admitted to Lawnrest. Frankly, I wasn't too crazy about visiting a nursing home. In fact, as I approached Lawnrest -- which is a terrible cemetery kind of name, to begin with -- I was sorry I hadn't avoided the trip. Then I felt guilty about it. I thought of all the Christmas and birthday gifts my grandmother had given me and I walked in the nursery home, feeling guilty, as usual.
此时正值我的寒假，而且自从祖母住进劳恩瑞斯特疗养院后，我还没见过她。坦白说，我并不喜欢去疗养院这种地方。事实上，在我去劳恩瑞斯特疗养院的路上（这名字有些可怕，有点儿像墓地的名字），我就有些后悔踏上了这次行程。然后，我对有这样的想法感到了些愧疚。我想起了祖母送给我的所有圣诞礼物和生日礼物，然后，像往常一样，满怀愧疚地走进了疗养院。
4. I found my grandmother sitting in bed in her room. She saw me and smiled. Her eyes lit up and she reached out her hands to me in greeting. "Mike, Mike," she said. And I breathed a sigh of relief. This was one of her good days. I took her hands in mine. They were fragile. "Mike, Mike, I didn't think you'd come," she said, so happy. "I've been waiting all this time."Her eyes were bright. Radiant, really. Or was it a medicine brightness?
我看到我祖母时，她正坐在她房间的床上。她看到我，露出了微笑。她的眼睛闪闪发亮，同时伸出双手向我打招呼。“迈克，迈克。”她说。我松了一口气。看来今天她的状态不错。我握住她的手。她的手很虚弱。“迈克，迈克，我没想到你会来，”她非常高兴地说，“我一直都在等你。”她的双眼很明亮。她真的是容光焕发，还是药物的作用？
5. "Ah, Mike. You look so grand, so grand. Is that a new coat?" "Not really," I said. I'd been wearing my uncle Jerry's old jacket for months, ‘practically living in it’, my mother said. "You always loved clothes, didn't you, Mike?" she said. I was beginning to feel uneasy, because she regarded me with such intensity. Those bright eyes. I wondered -- are old people in place like this so lonesome, so abandoned that they go wild when someone visits? Or was she so happy because she was suddenly sharp and clear headed?
“啊，迈克。你看起来那么大，那么大。那是一件新外套吗？”“不是呀。”我说。这件我叔叔杰里的旧外套，我已经穿了几个月了，就像我母亲说的那样，“实际上这件外套长在我身上了”。“你一直都很喜欢衣服，不是吗，迈克？”她说。我开始感到不安，因为她注视我的目光是如此强烈。还有她的那双明亮的眼睛。我很纳闷——是不是像她这样如此寂寞、被如此遗弃的老年人，当有访客来时，是不是都会发疯？还是她这么高兴，是因为她突然变得思维敏锐、头脑清醒了？

6. “You always said 'It's the things of the spirit that count, Meg. The spirit! And so you bought the piano -- a piano in the middle of the Depression! How I loved that piano…I thought I'd lost you forever Mike. And here you are, back with me again..." Her expression scared me. “
你总是说'最重要的是灵魂，梅格。灵魂！于是，您买来了这架钢琴——大萧条中买的一架钢琴！我好喜欢这架钢琴……我以为我永远地失去了你，迈克。但，你又出现在我的眼前，你又回来陪伴我了……”她的表情吓到我了。
7. Thinking back to the pictures in the old family albums, I recalled my grandfather as tall and thin. Like me. He was thirty-five when he died, almost forty years ago. And he wore a moustache. I also wore a moustache now, of course. "I sit here these days, Mike," she said, her voice a lullaby, her hand still holding mine, "and I drift and dream. The days are fuzzy sometimes, merging together. Sometimes it's like I'm not here at all but somewhere else. And I always think of you. Those years we had. Not enough years, Mike, not enough..."
回想那些旧家庭相册中的照片，我记起了祖父又高又瘦的形象。跟我的样子很像。大约四十年前，他去世时年仅35岁。而且，他留着小胡子。当然，我现在也留着小胡子。“这些天，我就一直坐在这里，迈克，”她说话的声音像摇篮曲一样，她的一只手仍握着我的手，“我每天恍恍惚惚得，似梦似醒。日子有时过得稀里糊涂，很多事情都混在一起了。有时候，就好像我根本不在这里，而是在其他地方。而且，我总是会想起你。那些我们在一起的日子。那些日子没过够，迈克，没过够……”
8. "Listen..." I began. I wanted to say: "Nana, this is Mike your grandson, not Mike your husband." "Sh...sh..." she whispered, “Don't say anything. I've waited so long for this moment. To be here. With you. I hate you to see me this way -- you always said I was beautiful. I didn't believe it. That other night, Mike. The terrible one. The terrible accusations I made. Even Ellie woke up and began to cry. You said I was wrong. And I did not believe you. I've even forgotten the name of the girl. I sit here, wondering now -- was it Laura or Evelyn? I can't remember. Later, I learned that you were telling the truth all the time, Mike. That I'd been wrong...It was never the same after that night, was it, Mike? The glitter was gone. From you. From us. And then the accident... and I never had the chance to ask you to forgive me..."
“听我说……”我开口说话。我本想说：“奶奶，我是您的孙子迈克，不是您的丈夫迈克。” “嘘……嘘……”她小声说，“什么也别说。我已经等待这一时刻太久了。和你在一起。我不喜欢你这样看着我——你总是说我很漂亮。我才不相信你的鬼话。那天晚上，迈克。那个可怕的晚上，我做了那个可怕的指控。甚至艾莉都醒了，开始哭。你说我错了，但我不相信你。我甚至忘记了那个女孩的名字。我此时坐在这里，正在琢磨——她是叫劳拉还是伊芙琳？我记不起来了。后来，我了解到，迈克，你一直在说真话。一直错的是我......那天晚上过后，情况变得不同了，是吗，迈克？你我内心的光芒都消失了。后来，发生了那场事故……我从来没有机会请求你原谅我……”
9. My grandmother. My poor, poor grandmother. Old people aren't supposed to have those kinds of memories. They're not supposed to come to life. You’re simply visiting an old lady in a nursing home. A duty call. And then you find out that she's a person. She's somebody. She's my grandmother, all right, but she's also herself. Like my own mother and father. They exist outside of their relationship to me. I was scared again. I wanted to get out of there.
我的祖母。我的可怜、可悯的祖母。老年人不应该有那样的回忆。那样的回忆不应该继续存在。你只是来疗养院看望一位老太太。一次礼节性的拜访而已。然后，你发现她其实是一个人，一个了不起的人。她是我的祖母，好吧，但她也是她自己。就像我自己的父亲和母亲一样。他们存在于与我的关系之外。我又被吓到了。我想赶快摆脱这种思考。
10. "Mike, Mike," my grandmother said. "Say it, Mike. Say you forgive me, Mike. I've waited all these years..." I was surprised at how strong her fingers were. "Say, 'I forgive you, Meg.'" I just said it: "I forgive you, Meg." And for the first time in my life, I saw love at work. Not movie love. Not Cindy's sparkling eyes when I tell her that we're going to the beach on a Sunday afternoon. But love like something alive and tender, asking nothing in return. She raised her face, and I knew what she wanted me to do. I bent and brushed my lips against her cheek.
“迈克，迈克。”我的祖母说。“你说吧，迈克。说你原谅我，迈克。这些年来我一直在等着这句话……”我惊讶于她的手指居然这么有力量。“说'我原谅你，梅格’。”于是，我照说了：“我原谅你，梅格。”这是我一生中第一次看到爱的火花正在迸发。不是电影里的爱；不是当我告诉辛迪我们要在周日的下午去海边时，她眼睛闪闪发光的样子。但是，这爱就像一个鲜活而又温柔的存在，不要求一点儿回报。她扬起了脸，我知道她想要我做什么。我弯下腰，用我的嘴唇擦过她的脸颊。
11. She closed her eyes and I stood up. I waited a while. She seemed to be sleeping, her breathing serene and regular. I buttoned my coat. Suddenly she opened her eyes again and looked at me. Her eyes were still bright, but they merely stared at me. Without recognition or curiosity. Empty eyes. I smiled at her, but she didn't smile back. She turned away on the bed, pulling the blankets around her. I counted to twenty-five and then to fifty and did it all over again. I cleared my throat and coughed. She didn't move; she didn't respond. I left. Just like that. I didn't even say goodbye or anything. I rushed in the car and turned up the volume of the radio. I would have done anything to not hear myself think while driving home.
她闭上眼睛，我站了起来。我等了一会儿。她似乎睡着了，呼吸平静而有规律。我扣好了她外套上的扣子。突然她再次睁开眼睛看着我。她的眼睛依旧是那样的明亮，但它们只是盯着我而已，没有了辨识或好奇的目光，只是一双空洞的眼睛。我对她微笑，但她并没有回敬微笑给我。她背过身，躺在床上，把毯子拉来盖在自己身上。我数到二十五，然后数到五十，然后又数了一遍。我清了清嗓子，咳嗽了一下。她没有动，没有做出任何回应。我离开了。就这样离开了，我甚至什么都没说，连句再见也没说。我冲上车，调高收音机的音量。只要开车回家路上听不到我自己内心的想法，让我做什么都行。
12. "Well, how was your grandmother?" mom asked right away when I entered. I told her she was fine. What I really wanted was to ask her -- hey, Mom, you and Dad really love each other, don't you? I mean -- there's nothing to forgive between you, is there? But I didn't. Instead I went upstairs and took out the electric razor Annie ehad given me for Christmas and shaved off my moustache.
“那，你奶奶怎么样了？”我进家门的时候母亲马上问我。我告诉她她很好。我真正想要问她的是：嘿，妈妈，你和爸爸真的很爱对方，不是吗？我的意思是，你们之间没有什么可互相原谅的，是吧？但，我并没有这么问，而只是走上楼，拿出艾尼作为圣诞礼物送我的电动剃须刀，剃掉了我的小胡须。