1. Eggs, bacon, bagels, and croissants, her favourite meal of the day stood right in front of her; alluring her to have more, some more, a bigger portion, probably just this one day. Her hand reached out for the last croissant; “STOP” said her mind, “PLEASE” begged the nineteen-year-old heart. She could feel the tires around her waist, weighing her down, emotionally and physically. She pulled her arm back, eyeing the lush croissant, which would have been hers, only if she had not decided to follow her dream, a dream so far-fetched, which seemed nearly impossible.

鸡蛋、培根、面包圈和羊角面包，她一天中最喜爱的餐食就摆在她面前，引诱着她多吃些，再多吃些，再吃上一大口，或许这一天就这一顿了。她的手伸向最后一个羊角面包。“停下来”，她心里说，“拜托。”这个十九岁女孩在内心中祈求着。她可以感觉到自己腰上的一圈轮胎肉，沉甸甸地压在她的身心上。她强迫着把自己的手臂收了回来，眼睛紧盯着那诱人可口的羊角面包，那本来就是她的，如果她没下定决心追随自己的梦想，那遥不可及且几乎不可能实现的梦想。

2. But she wanted it, and wanted it bad: she had to realize her deepest wish, one shared with many teenage girls, to fit into the beautiful peacock green bikini. A trip had been planned, to the city of beaches, by her huge group of friends, and the trip included her. She used to sit dejected listening to her slim friends talking about the kind of clothes they had purchased, and how short each of their skirts were, and how beautiful they all looked. She wanted to be among them discussing their figures and sizes, and gain their admiration. So she decided.

但这是她想要的，非常迫切地想要——她必须实现自己最大的愿望，这一许许多多花季少女共同的愿望，以便让自己能够合身地穿上那件漂亮的孔雀绿比基尼。她的一大帮朋友计划去那个海滨城市旅行，这次旅行也包括她。她曾很多次沮丧地坐在那里，听着她那些苗条的朋友谈论她们买到的各类衣服，她们的每条裙子有多短，以及她们看起来多么漂亮。她想成为她们中的一员，跟她们一起讨论身材和衣服尺码，并赢得她们的赞赏。于是她下定了决心。

3. Up and down, back and forth, her life jolted by vigorous gym sessions, her scale; her worst nightmare smiled at her happily, as it moved away from the bigger numbers, bit by bit, slow but steady. She was overjoyed, she felt it, from within, as she stood in front of the mirror, analysing her reflection, measuring her inches. She opened her wardrobe, and proudly looked at the bikini, but it wasn’t time. She removed it admiringly, stroked the fabric, and visualized herself on the shore of a beach, flaunting her curves, bikini clad.

反反复复，来来回回，她的生活因大运动量的健身课，以及她的体重秤上显示的数字而摇摆不定。随着她的体重数一点儿一点儿，缓慢而又平稳地下降，她最大的噩梦向她露出了开心的微笑。当她站在镜子前，打量着镜子中的自己，测量着自己的身材尺码，一种欣喜若狂的感觉从她内心中涌出。她打开衣橱，自豪地看着那件比基尼，但时机还不成熟。她爱不释手地把那件比基尼取了出来，抚摸着它的面料，想象着自己在海滩上，穿着比基尼，炫耀着自己婀娜的曲线。

4. Her thoughts were interrupted by the knock at her bedroom door. She heard her mother scream out for her, it was time for supper, and back she was with her bowl of assorted vegetables and her best entertainer, the television. She zapped, ate, zapped, reaching for the last lettuce leaf in her bowl, only realising her stomach craved for something extra. It frustrated her that she wanted to feast on her favourite fried chicken, mashed potatoes, Oreo biscuits or additional helpings of Hazelnut Choco spread.

她的思绪被她卧室门的敲门声打断了。她听到母亲大声喊她该吃晚饭了。回来时，她手里捧着一碗什锦蔬菜，开始了她最喜爱的娱乐方式——看电视。她快速地切换了几下电视频道，吃了几口，又快速地切换了几下频道。当她的手伸向碗里的最后一片生菜叶时，她才意识到自己的肚子其实还没饱。她想要尽情享用自己喜欢的炸鸡、土豆泥、奥利奥饼干，或是再来一份榛子巧克力酱，这令她非常沮丧。

5. She had been through this a dozen times, but this time it was different, she wanted to be someone else, someone popular, and someone that made heads turn. She had to compromise, and so she did, with a little reluctance once in a while, but a whole new chapter of determination. She wanted to be the topic of harmless gossip among the ones in school; she wanted to be out dating on Saturdays, partying on Sundays, shopping in skimpy outfits, which she had dreaded to wear till now.

这样的体验，她已经历过十几次，但这次却与以往不同。这一次，她想成为另一个人，一个很受欢迎，并且能够赢得回头率的人。为此，她不得不做出些妥协，于是她这样做了，尽管偶尔有那么点儿不情愿，但一个全新的决心篇章还是开始了。她想成为学校中无恶意八卦的一个话题人物；她想周六出去约会，周日参加聚会，穿着轻薄的衣服去购物，这种衣服她一直没敢穿过。

6. Weeks passed, her patience started to die away, she once in a while treated herself with an ice cream, the fat was stubborn and refused to melt fast, but over time it did. No matter how less she ate, she still looked awfully plump, which annoyed her and she was ready to call it quits. She sat on her fluffy bed and wept an entire evening, ignoring her dinner. Her tears dried up, leaving her cheeks cold, she lay down on her bed staring at the ceiling, letting random thoughts pass by her mind. She hadn’t realised but her bedroom was hot and stuffy, she leapt out of her bed to open the windows.

几个星期过去了，她的耐心开始消失，开始不时用冰激凌款待下自己。脂肪非常固执并且拒绝快速融化，但时间并没有让事情发生改变。不管她吃得多么少，看起来却依旧非常丰满，这令她很烦恼，她准备放弃了。她坐在自己松软的床上，哭了整整一个晚上，甚至把吃晚餐的事都忘得一干二净。她擦干眼泪，脸颊上只留下木讷的表情。她躺在床上，盯着天花板，让自己的胡思乱想从脑海中掠过。她才意识到卧室又热又闷，于是她跳下床，打开了窗户。

7. The wind blew into her round pale face. She stared outside her window, and watched a mother treading along the footpath along with her son. The boy would have easily been older than twelve, the woman looked very familiar; maybe she was someone from her apartment. She watched closely as the son held on to his mother’s saree and plodded along with her. His head bent, in an awkward gait, made him look a bit abnormal. She closely watched them enter the apartment; they stopped to talk to another mother, who also had a teenage son but a much more normal looking one. Standing near the window on the ground floor and only a few meters away from them, she could overhear their conversations. The usual small talk, recipe exchange, and the latest saree in fashion, bored her and as she stepped away from the window, she heard one of the lady say something about a special school.

风吹到她苍白的圆脸上。她凝视着窗外，注意到一位母亲正和她的儿子行走在人行道上。很容易看出，那个男孩已超过12岁，她的母亲看上去很眼熟，也许她跟她同住在一栋公寓楼里。儿子紧紧抓住母亲的纱丽服，迈着沉重的脚步跟母亲一起走着。与此同时，他的母亲正密切地注视着他。他偏着头，步态笨拙，使他看起来有点反常。她紧紧地盯着他们进入公寓。他们停下来与另一位母亲交谈，那位母亲也带着一个十几岁的儿子，但这孩子看上去更正常一些。她站在一楼的窗户旁，离他们只有几米远，可以偷听到他们交谈的内容。只不过是普通的闲聊、菜谱交流，以及最新款式的纱丽服，这些话题使她感到很是无聊。当她迈步离开窗户旁时，她听到其中的一位女士谈到了特殊教育学校的事情。

8. She immediately turned towards them again and observed the mother of the abnormal son. On the contrary, her face blossomed and she began raving about her son’s painting skills, and his ability to play the guitar even without learning. The woman added; “My child is special, and every child is a gift. It doesn’t matter what’s on the outside, inner self is what matters.

她立即再次转向他们，目光聚到那个看上去反常的孩子的母亲。形成对比的是，那位母亲正容光焕发地赞不绝口于她儿子的绘画技巧，以及无师自通便能演奏吉他的本领。那位母亲补充道：“我的孩子很特别，每个孩子都是上天赐予的礼物。外在的东西并不重要，内心的自我才是关键。”

9. Standing in her bedroom, through the window she gazed at the boy playing with a Rubik’s cube, his tongue curving at each turn of the cube and his eyes fixed on the colourful object. She ran to her closet and saw the beautiful looking bikini. She took one last look at it and stuffed it inside the top shelf. She looked at herself in the mirror and, her flesh noticeably bulging out from her denim, and her belly sagging down. She met her eyes’ reflection and said the words aloud, “I am a beautiful person.” She smiled at herself and looked around her bedroom, her space where she became what she was; where ideas, thoughts, desires and hopes were given birth to, and where she found her true self.

她站在自己的卧室里，透过窗户凝视着那个正玩着魔方的男孩。魔方每转动一下，他的舌头都会卷曲一下，但他的双眼始终没有离开过他手中那五彩缤纷的物体。她跑到衣橱旁，看着那件漂亮的比基尼。她最后看了它一眼，然后把它塞进了顶层架子里。她看着镜子里的自己，她身上的肥肉非常明显地从牛仔布下鼓了出来，腹部松弛地下垂着。她的眼神与镜子中她自己的眼神相遇了，她大声说：“我是个美女。” 她对着镜子中的自己露出了微笑，然后环顾了下自己的卧室——就是在这里，她变成了现在的样子；就是在这里，孕育了她的观念、思想、欲望，还有希望；也就是在这里，她找到了真实的自我。