When he had done, instead of feeling better, calmer, more enlightened by his discourse,
布道结束以后,我不是受到他讲演的启发,感觉更好更平静了,
I experienced an inexpressible sadness;
而是体会到了一种难以言喻的哀伤。
for it seemed to me -- I know not whether equally so to others --
因为我似乎觉得——我不知道别人是不是有同样感觉——
that the eloquence to which I had been listening had sprung from a depth where lay turbid dregs of disappointment --
我所倾听的雄辩,出自于充满混浊的失望之渣的心灵深处—一
where moved troubling impulses of insatiate yearnings and disquieting aspirations.
那里躁动着无法满足的愿望和不安的憧憬。
I was sure St. John Rivers -- pure-lived, conscientious, zealous as he was --
我确信圣·约翰·里弗斯尽管生活单纯,又真诚热情,
had not yet found that peace of God which passeth all understanding:
却并没有找到不可理解的上帝的安宁。
he had no more found it, I thought,
我想他与我一样,都没有找到。
than had I with my concealed and racking regrets for my broken idol and lost elysium --
我是因为打碎了偶像,失去了天堂而产生了隐蔽而焦躁不安的悔恨一—
regrets to which I have latterly avoided referring, but which possessed me and tyrannised over me ruthlessly.
这些悔恨我虽然最近已避而不谈,但仍无情地纠缠着、威压着我。
Meantime a month was gone.
与此同时,一个月过去了。
Diana and Mary were soon to leave Moor House,
黛安娜和玛丽不久就离开沼泽居,
and return to the far different life and scene which awaited them,
回到等待着的截然不同的生活环境中去,
as governesses in a large, fashionable, south-of-England city,
在英国南部一个时髦的城市当家庭教师。
where each held a situation in families by whose wealthy and haughty members they were regarded only as humble dependants,
她们各自在别人家里谋职,被富有而高傲的家庭成员们视为低下的附庸。
and who neither knew nor sought out their innate excellences,
这些人既不了解也不去发现她们内在的美德,
and appreciated only their acquired accomplishments as they appreciated the skill of their cook or the taste of their waiting-woman.
而只赏识她们已经获得的技艺,如同赏识他们厨师的手艺和侍女的情趣。
Mr. St. John had said nothing to me yet about the employment he had promised to obtain for me;
圣·约翰先生一句也没有说起答应帮我找的工作,
yet it became urgent that I should have a vocation of some kind.
而对我来说谋个职业已是迫在眉睫的事了。